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Has anyone had a similar psychosis story to mine?!

S

SomeGirl15153

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Jun 15, 2020
Messages
56
Location
California
I’m having flashbacks of my first psychosis outbreak when I told everyone my ex raped me when he didn’t.



What happened is I was under an involuntary 5150 and 5250 hold and I refused medication because right before my first psychosis episode I was a student nurse studying the side effects of medications and something triggered my thoughts of thinking the pharmaceutical companies were trying to kill everyone and that it was one big conspiracy. So I refused medication and manipulated everyone into letting me leave against medical advice.



During my first psychosis outbreak I was in my last two classes of nursing school and I was so close to graduation. Crazed in full blown psychosis, I somehow convinced the doctors and my parents to let me leave against medical advice so I could graduate nursing school. The doctors and all their specialists told me a firm no. But every day I was persistent and begging them to let me out of the facility.



One day I formulated a plan to try to escape the building but they caught me. I started running for the doors but they were locked.



I cried so hard and finally was allowed to leave against medical advice after about 2 weeks or so.



While I was in the psych ward in full blown psychosis I was so confused and used my phone calls to call my ex boyfriends. First I called my recent ex and he didn’t pick up but then I called my ex fiancée who I was with before him. My ex fiancée picked up and I told him this, “Listen to me. You know the police officer who is your neighbor? Go knock on his door. Go knock on his door and tell him I need help. (I started crying), they put me in the psych ward at the hospital I interned at as a student and
C and JM (my classmates who interned there) are my nurses! They locked me in here and I’m so scared so please go next door to the policeman who is your neighbor and ask him to help me. Someone locked me in here and is out to get me. Please help me.”



All I remember him saying was, “Okay?....I’ll tell him.” And click he hung up.



I was so confused because I thought my recent ex’s cousin who didn’t like me was a police officer who spoke to his connections at his work to devise a plan to give me an involuntary 5150/5250 hold. I was ensured that this delusion was true when I manipulated the nurses into giving me my patient chart and saw that a “peace officer” gave me the 5150/5250 hold. In my head I was like, I know he devised a plan to get me in here. And I thought that his cousins were all flight officers flying helicopters in the sky following me around. I was so confused.



I was so embarrassed because he already had a new girlfriend and I hadn’t talked to him in close to a year and now all our mutual friends tell me he calls me “his crazy ex.” It hurts me to hear that and present day I start crying.



Then a year fast forward I flunked out of nursing school because of my psychosis. I had to talk to a lawyer to get me back in. I spent a whole summer (still with psychosis) in a heavy crammed class to catch me up so I could re-do my last two classes.



After half a year of hard work to catch me up so I could re-do my last two classes, just my luck my ex fiancée worked at the same facility I interned at for my last 2 classes of nursing school and he fucking told everyone I was following him around and got me kicked out of the facility! The last time I spoke to him was when I was in an involuntary 5150/5250 hold.



He convinced my instructors and the school’s Dean that I was following him around the facility when in reality I just kept running into him. I swear to God I wasn’t following him around. The whole facility turned on me and kicked me out and I fucking failed a second time because of my ex fiancée this time.



Meanwhile in between school hours- I was possessed and obsessively messaging everyone on Instagram and Facebook and all my emails telling everyone if they could please pray for me because my ex (not my ex fiancée) raped me.



I publicly humiliated myself! I messaged every single person I knew asking them to pray for me because my ex raped me.



Right before I developed psychosis I was in an accelerated RN to BSN program going to 5 hour long classes, interning at 12 hour emergency room nocturnal shifts and using caffeine and adderall to stay up at night to study. I was highly stressed I wasn’t eating, I wasn’t sleeping and my brain got really sick.



Right before my first psychosis outbreak my recent ex and I were in the middle of having sex and without my permission.



So my brain somehow associated that with rape and when I developed psychosis I was telling everyone he raped me.



Someone help me these flashbacks are ruining my life.



Has anyone had a story similar to how crazy mine was with their first psychosis outbreak?
 
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JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
5,166
Location
Nashua NH
I’m having flashbacks of my first psychosis outbreak when I told everyone my ex raped me when he didn’t.



What happened is I was under an involuntary 5150 and 5250 hold and I refused medication because right before my first psychosis episode I was a student nurse studying the side effects of medications and something triggered my thoughts of thinking the pharmaceutical companies were trying to kill everyone and that it was one big conspiracy. So I refused medication and manipulated everyone into letting me leave against medical advice.



During my first psychosis outbreak I was in my last two classes of nursing school and I was so close to graduation. Crazed in full blown psychosis, I somehow convinced the doctors and my parents to let me leave against medical advice so I could graduate nursing school. The doctors and all their specialists told me a firm no. But every day I was persistent and begging them to let me out of the facility.



One day I formulated a plan to try to escape the building but they caught me. I started running for the doors but they were locked.



I cried so hard and finally was allowed to leave against medical advice after about 2 weeks or so.



While I was in the psych ward in full blown psychosis I was so confused and used my phone calls to call my ex boyfriends. First I called my recent ex and he didn’t pick up but then I called my ex fiancée who I was with before him. My ex fiancée picked up and I told him this, “Listen to me. You know the police officer who is your neighbor? Go knock on his door. Go knock on his door and tell him I need help. (I started crying), they put me in the psych ward at the hospital I interned at as a student and
C and JM (my classmates who interned there) are my nurses! They locked me in here and I’m so scared so please go next door to the policeman who is your neighbor and ask him to help me. Someone locked me in here and is out to get me. Please help me.”



All I remember him saying was, “Okay?....I’ll tell him.” And click he hung up.



I was so confused because I thought my recent ex’s cousin who didn’t like me was a police officer who spoke to his connections at his work to devise a plan to give me an involuntary 5150/5250 hold. I was ensured that this delusion was true when I manipulated the nurses into giving me my patient chart and saw that a “peace officer” gave me the 5150/5250 hold. In my head I was like, I know he devised a plan to get me in here. And I thought that his cousins were all flight officers flying helicopters in the sky following me around. I was so confused.



I was so embarrassed because he already had a new girlfriend and I hadn’t talked to him in close to a year and now all our mutual friends tell me he calls me “his crazy ex.” It hurts me to hear that and present day I start crying.



Then a year fast forward I flunked out of nursing school because of my psychosis. I had to talk to a lawyer to get me back in. I spent a whole summer (still with psychosis) in a heavy crammed class to catch me up so I could re-do my last two classes.



After half a year of hard work to catch me up so I could re-do my last two classes, just my luck my ex fiancée worked at the same facility I interned at for my last 2 classes of nursing school and he fucking told everyone I was following him around and got me kicked out of the facility! The last time I spoke to him was when I was in an involuntary 5150/5250 hold.



He convinced my instructors and the school’s Dean that I was following him around the facility when in reality I just kept running into him. I swear to God I wasn’t following him around. The whole facility turned on me and kicked me out and I fucking failed a second time because of my ex fiancée this time.



Meanwhile in between school hours- I was possessed and obsessively messaging everyone on Instagram and Facebook and all my emails telling everyone if they could please pray for me because my ex (not my ex fiancée) raped me.



I publicly humiliated myself! I messaged every single person I knew asking them to pray for me because my ex raped me.



Right before I developed psychosis I was in an accelerated RN to BSN program going to 5 hour long classes, interning at 12 hour emergency room nocturnal shifts and using caffeine and adderall to stay up at night to study. I was highly stressed I wasn’t eating, I wasn’t sleeping and my brain got really sick.



Right before my first psychosis outbreak my recent ex and I were in the middle of having sex and without my permission.



So my brain somehow associated that with rape and when I developed psychosis I was telling everyone he raped me.



Someone help me these flashbacks are ruining my life.
Has anyone had a story similar to how crazy mine was with their first psychosis outbreak?
Thank you for sharing your story. I have bipolar with psychotic features. What you have described seems similar to what I have experienced in the length and breadth of what you went through and the consequences you suffered as a result of them. It gave me a lot of consolation to read this because it made me feel that others lives have been affected the way mine has been affected by mental illness. Thank you for the bravery of sharing your story and I wish you all the best. xo, j
 
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