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Has anyone felt like this

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EstherRose94

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Okay so you all probably are used to my anxiety being centered around my bf which is awful cause he’s actually a great person but like I have to vent somewhere lol.

Anyway lately I’ve been keeping calm and kind a LOT better with him and it’s great!

Except I find myself worrying that I’m being too nice. Or that I’m not being myself or I’m letting him change me. I’m pretty sure these core fears were driving my snappiness before.

Ugh plus sometimes I feel like he makes little jabs at me which honestly aren’t a big deal unless they are right? Like he’s joking, I know that, I’m just like oh no what if my self esteem gets damaged or I start apologizing for stuff I shouldn’t?

So basically I guess I’ve been scared that letting myself love someone a bunch and caring what they think might lead to my downfall. But I’m pretty sure it was ironically my anxiety over it that got me in the weird place I was last fall.

I don’t know. Is it okay to love him even if he’s opinionated and vocal about his opinions and I just let him be? Hahah. I love who he is. I just find myself thinking I might be too vulnerable and I might lose myself. Because I’m a people pleaser. And he’s sensitive. So I don’t wanna just agree or go along with everything.

To which he would reply that i on the contrary disagree at every chance I get hahah

Yikes. Thanks for reading if you got this far.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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hi ,I don't actually relate to that which is odd as I relate to most of what you post lol!
I think you worry so much about your relationship you are missing out on some of the good stuff
I know is hard as im not used to being in a nice relationship either
im trying to learn to just take things as they come
I defo wouldn't worry about being too nice! ever thought ,you are just a nice person?
anyway sorry for my rambling I just wanted to reply as you have helped me
lots of love Lu xxxx
 
Lunus

Lunus

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Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
856
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Norfolk
Okay so you all probably are used to my anxiety being centered around my bf which is awful cause he’s actually a great person but like I have to vent somewhere lol.

Anyway lately I’ve been keeping calm and kind a LOT better with him and it’s great!

Except I find myself worrying that I’m being too nice. Or that I’m not being myself or I’m letting him change me. I’m pretty sure these core fears were driving my snappiness before.

Ugh plus sometimes I feel like he makes little jabs at me which honestly aren’t a big deal unless they are right? Like he’s joking, I know that, I’m just like oh no what if my self esteem gets damaged or I start apologizing for stuff I shouldn’t?

So basically I guess I’ve been scared that letting myself love someone a bunch and caring what they think might lead to my downfall. But I’m pretty sure it was ironically my anxiety over it that got me in the weird place I was last fall.

I don’t know. Is it okay to love him even if he’s opinionated and vocal about his opinions and I just let him be? Hahah. I love who he is. I just find myself thinking I might be too vulnerable and I might lose myself. Because I’m a people pleaser. And he’s sensitive. So I don’t wanna just agree or go along with everything.

To which he would reply that i on the contrary disagree at every chance I get hahah

Yikes. Thanks for reading if you got this far.
Once again you are thinking with your feelings and emotions lol, and these feelings cause negative thoughts. Your negative thoughts will trigger your core beliefs, that you are worthless or don’t matter. Focus once again on the here and now, just the present moment, not what’s happened or going to happen, just this very moment. When you do this your thoughts will change, you can start thinking about how well you’ve done of late. How in love you are etc. As for your boyfriend, you are not responsible for his thoughts emotions and behaviour. Accept him for who he is. The good and the bad.
 
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EstherRose94

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I think that’s the problem Lunus. If he says something I think is “bad” (and it’s not like objectively bad just maybe something I don’t agree with) I’ll start to panic because I think it’s my job to make sure that the person I’m with wouldn’t say or think x. Lol. But I’ve never loved someone so much! And so it’s weird to me that I’m like even if we do disagree I still wanna be with him. That is hard for me to understand bc it contradicts what I thought it would have to be like.
 
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EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
1,582
Location
USA
hi ,I don't actually relate to that which is odd as I relate to most of what you post lol!
I think you worry so much about your relationship you are missing out on some of the good stuff
I know is hard as im not used to being in a nice relationship either
im trying to learn to just take things as they come
I defo wouldn't worry about being too nice! ever thought ,you are just a nice person?
anyway sorry for my rambling I just wanted to reply as you have helped me
lots of love Lu xxxx
Thank you 🥰.
 
Lunus

Lunus

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Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
856
Location
Norfolk
I think that’s the problem Lunus. If he says something I think is “bad” (and it’s not like objectively bad just maybe something I don’t agree with) I’ll start to panic because I think it’s my job to make sure that the person I’m with wouldn’t say or think x. Lol. But I’ve never loved someone so much! And so it’s weird to me that I’m like even if we do disagree I still wanna be with him. That is hard for me to understand bc it contradicts what I thought it would have to be like.
You are both allowed an opinion and you can also agree to disagree on things. Everyone has an opinion. You are still learning about yourself so just be kind to yourself and try to enjoy the moment.
 
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EstherRose94

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Yeah half the time I’m not even sure what I believe anyway but I’m sticking to it gosh darn it lol
 
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EstherRose94

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Not to mention I didn’t feel like a consistent one personality until I started on antidepressants to level me out. Before that I was predictably going to have a massive personality switch every few weeks which I tried to play off but people who knew me well were like ... you make no sense. Lol.
 
Flameheart

Flameheart

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im going through the exact same thing
 
RockSolid

RockSolid

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I get the impression that you are subconsciously desiring for him to help maintain your more positive moods. If that is so, you have unwittingly projected a false persona onto him. This would mean that he has become somewhat of a vice and like an addict you are always craving the emotional fix he is capable of giving you. As with any addiction when you come down from the high you will crash for a while and resent whatever it is that you're addicted to. It's important however to remember that he is not responsible for your happiness and that true love should always fall close to unconditional. When you feel unconditional love your partner's darker side should be just as easy to digest as the lighter aspects of his personality.
 
Flameheart

Flameheart

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Really? I feel like it’s such an oddly specific thing but I know I can’t be the only one lol.
well I feel as if I'm changing myself too much over my fp, hes a major part of my support system, but lately I feel like I can't ever talk to him about my bpd or emotions and that I have to act as if everything is fine so it doesn't worry him, whenever I try to talk to him about it he gets sensitive as if I'm personally attacking him and in the end I just feel worst but got no one else to talk to
 
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