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Has anyone ever acted totally out of character

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Anastasia1221

New member
Joined
Nov 14, 2018
Messages
1
I suffered from OCD, anxiety and depression from the age of 14. I was always an extremely shy, sensitive kid. I was always a tad paranoid about whether people liked me or not. I had very low self esteem. At the age of 19 I became very self destructive. I didn't care about myself anymore. I put on a front and decided that instead of being the shy girl, I would be loud, over-dramatic. I started going out and getting drunk. I didn't feel anxious when I was drunk. I guess this was my way of controlling my anxiety? I started receiving the wrong type of attention from guys, but I liked the attention. It made me feel wanted. I slept with 10 guys during my first year at university. Although I knew most of the guys from around university, I wasn't friends with them, so I guess you could call them one night stands. I didn't enjoy it but I didn't feel worthy if a guy didn't want me.

Six years later. I have developed a sense of self worth. I am not in a relationship, nor do I wish to be. I have had one sexual partner in the past three years. I feel GOOD, yet I can't stop feeling so sorry for the girl I used to be. Why did I do those self destructive things? And although I feel good. I also feel a lot of guilt and shame.
 
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Roseessa

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 11, 2018
Messages
106
Location
Nottingham
Hi,
Everyone does something they regret in the past, now all you can do is look to the future, live in the present and know you found yourself again. :)
 
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JackieJ

Member
Joined
Nov 6, 2017
Messages
6
Have you consider talking to someone about the guilt and shame that you feel? Guilt is related to how you feel about what you do. Shame relates to how others make you feel about what you do. It seems like you have some insight into what was driving your actions and decisions. It is wonderful that you have matured beyond the self-destructive past. One of the greatest challenges is to learn to forgive ourselves. There may be some resources that you can search on the topic of forgiving yourself. It sounds like you are in the place where you are ready to do some healing work. Here is an article that can get you started...What the Bible Says About Forgiving Yourself | Focus on the Family.
 
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