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Harming myself? I can't stop..

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purpledragon

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Mar 16, 2015
Messages
5
Okay so I've had a huge history of self harm. Using different methods. I was hospitalized a couple years ago. I stopped and just recently picked up a bad habit of smoking. I've been going through a lot of stress and I have bad social anxiety. I started holding a new method. It hurts so much sometimes it brings tears to my eyes and I don't know why I do it..

I use to self harm when I was going through an episode or when I was sad about something. But when I harm myself, I like the feeling all together. I don't know if that makes sense. I like the sensations. It's been so long and I'm currently in a relationship and I really love this guy and I really don't wanna ruin this. But I can't stop. I've already have at least 15 marks on one arm. Seeing the marks on my arm throughout the day triggers me to do it again. It makes me feel better about everything and I like the feeling. I like lining the lines on my arm. I can't explain why. What should I do? Why do I like this..
 
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purpledragon

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Mar 16, 2015
Messages
5
How is anyone suppose to help me if I can't explain what I'm doing to myself. This was serious and I'm struggling with this and it doesn't make any sense...
 
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Helena1

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Forum Safety Team
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Oct 11, 2014
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Self harm specifics are not allowed on the forum and are removed.
People can still help you, it is the same whatever method of sh you use.
It is not personal. The FST and mods edit all posts wilt the same sort of specifics in them.
 
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purpledragon

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Mar 16, 2015
Messages
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I said the word [moderated]...I didn't go into drastic detail on how exactly. Sorry I came straight for help instead of reading rules. I really need help and instead I get someone just making sure I stick to the rules. Sorry coming out and telling someone what's going on exactly is a crime. It helps me...I have no one else to talk to..
 
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messymoo

messymoo

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:welcome: to the forum.

I am sorry you are feeling like you have no one else to talk to. It is nothing personal being moderated we have the rules to avoid triggering others or giving people ideas.

It isn't a crime to post how your feeling and we do want to help and support you through this difficult time. There is a sticky at the top of this section that has alternatives to self harm that you may find helpful to look at. Have you thought about going to see your GP and maybe they can refer you for some counselling to help too.

please keep posting and talking to us.
Messy xx
 
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purpledragon

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Mar 16, 2015
Messages
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I'm sorry. Didn't mean to get so mad. I'm just dealing with a lot and I don't know who to talk to. I've been seeing a therapist all my life. (I'm not at the moment though.) I just recently moved. I wanted a new start away from where I grew up. My dad mentally and physically abused me all my life. I feel like I'm going crazy. I think about killing him then myself all the time. How much better it would be without us both here because I'm just as crazy I feel like. I just want these feelings to go away. I don't wanna hurt myself anymore or anyone else and I'm scared.
 
messymoo

messymoo

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That's okay we do our best to try and understand. I am glad you have been seeing a therapist before is there any chance of getting a new one now you've moved? Or are you thinking of having a break for a while?

It can be hard moving away and starting afresh because you can't get away from your own head so it all comes with you. I don't know if it's like that for you just know it's been like that for me in the past.

Must of been awful your dad physically and mentally abusing you all your life it's no wonder your struggling to deal with it all and your feeling scared. :hug1: xx
 
tabbykitten

tabbykitten

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Hi there purple dragon. Sorry you have had the frustration of having your posts moderated. Hope you will still feel able to post though now you have made a start.

You are not the only one to have been moderated. It can happen for a number of reasons, I’ve had the odd phrase removed before now as I was so frustrated and just let my feelings go without being careful about the wording.

You will find this forum is a very caring understanding place. I feel so much safer, despite my problems, when I have somewhere to share.
 
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purpledragon

Member
Joined
Mar 16, 2015
Messages
5
Thanks, I just really needed someone to listen. And I do wanna find another therapist as soon as I can. I just don't have the money or the way there right now. I've been kinda staying with people here and there so it's nice to get all this out. I feel like a no one, like I don't exist. And I wonder if I and everyone else would be better off without me even here. I've caused a lot of problems in my life and I never meant to. I feel like my lifes gone down hill the last year more then ever. I've found myself alone doing drugs and hurting myself. I'm just scared right now. Thanks for talking to me.
 
messymoo

messymoo

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I don't think everyone else would be better off without you here. Problems can be overcome and solved in time I know it's not easy just keep hanging on in there.

It is really hard to stop self harming I used to do it loads but it has lessened a lot for me now with therapy I've had. I hope you can find a way of seeing a therapist again but in the mean time keep posting here we will listen :hug1:
 
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