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Hard to "understand" emotion, etc.

K

Karzael

Member
Joined
Jan 11, 2010
Messages
6
I must have rewrote that title many times trying to pick the words. I fear this post will probably make less sense so I will use the art of bullet points. I truly am not sure what this (if it is anything) could come under but I am sick to death of feeling like this. Some of these points might turn out to be quite normal, I dont know, but please humour me. :drool:

  • I have boughts of dreamless sleep then every three or four days have very deep sleep with many heavy dreams.
  • These dreams often include dreams were I am not present, not even "through someone elses eyes." Just watching a story, which sometimes before waking I can manipulate.
  • Every funeral Ive been to I have struggled to find the sadness around me. One of my ex girlfriends nearly died of a blood clot, nothing. Another collapsed of kidney problems, nothing.
  • Virtually every emotion I show is acted and imitated from friends and family. I constantly find myself asking, what should I be feeling right now?
  • My last ex turned out to be cheating on me in my own bed and I felt nothing. I have trouble looking back and seeking anything other than a mild embarrasment.
  • Emotions in general are like trying to read a foreign language. They are there but I cant quite figure out which one it is.
  • Im constantly distracted between new ideas, never having the atention span to pursue them. Im constantly berating myself for being so crap at succeding.
  • I actually "feel" when Im drunk, which thankfully hasnt yet turned into a bad habit. When Im drunk I feel more alive, my thinking seems clearer. Seems.
  • I dont feel like I have ever had a traumatic event. Worst I can think of is my father asking for a hug while drunk and he headbutted me because I pointed out he was drunk? But even that memory wont make me cry.
  • I have had what I could call a breakdown or two... basically an emotional crash were I went foetal for a few minutes weeping insanly. QUite embarrasing.
  • Im constantly having "death" dreams and day dreams fantasising about dying and being noticed. Very annoying and slightly narcasistic?
  • My thought patterns have always been a little chaotic. Imagine trying to tell a story only to realise that you assumed the other person already knew it (Ie missing facts, wrong order). Have to take my time.
  • Have massive suger like rushes of energy.
  • Sometimes I get confused by the passing of time or the order of the past.
  • My brother is dyslexic and my mother is possibly too. I have problems with 6s and 9s but other than this no signs.
  • In lower school (primary school etc), I remember making the consious decision not to fight because I felt like I wouldnt stop hitting until the other person was dead. Course this could be just an excuse for a natural fear of violance?

Phew! Well that was soulful. Felt good to get that off my chest.
Any comments, questions or advice would be helpful. Ive never done drugs, never been traumatically assualted etc in fact I would say I have been quite sheltered. Hell, I moved to Norway with my Norwegian girl to gain life experience, whatever that would be.

Thanks for reading.

R
 
iffybob

iffybob

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 20, 2009
Messages
4,858
Location
England
Hi

It sounds like you have a problem with 'empathy' , and are a little reserved in your emotions ...

.... what you have to consider is, does it realy interfer with your life, if it does then seek help for it first stop GP and ask to see a counciler, or if you can afford for them to recomend a private one, if it does not, just be aware, try and be appropiatly polite, and not let it bother you too much.

Hope that helps ......... boB
 
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