- Oct 20, 2013
i know that we are blessed with the joyful state and the introspective gift of depression, but let's be honest, living with mood swings is hell most of the time and very very hard to stay alive when it has been going on for a number of years. I find that with each depression i can tolerate the symptoms less, and also that they might be more severe. I've tried without medication, tried all those in the pharmacy, and still side effects like rash, intolerable side effects, cause me to stop my medication. My body is just too sensitive. I have a rash with lumps the size of golf balls under my skin that hurt and look awful. I have akathisia and insomnia still from the ariprazole and so have stopped it after only a month. I'm going back to my half a life again and i think i have to accept that this is how things will be for my life. My life without all those things i thought i should have, and did have, but will not have again. It's ok, i'm sad but accepting of it. I might sound melodramatic, i'm depressed still. I've been unable to even boil a can of soup never mind eat the soup. I'm afraid that one day i will get all the bad sympyoms back, the psychotic symptoms, because those i cannot cope with, and those are what cause me to behave in ways that i find humiliating and where i get myself into trouble. I don't want to raise concern, i want to blend into the crowd. I know someone out there understands this.