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Had enough of bad stuff happening

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curlywurly

Active member
Joined
Jun 1, 2019
Messages
27
Location
Leicester
The last 4 years have been the worst of my life and everytime I think I can see a light, something else happens and knocks me back again.
It started when my stepfather passed suddenly, followed the next day by my best friend, also suddenly. For 3 years I tried to hold down a full time job while caring for my disabled mum who lived 100 miles away. During this time, my family lost too many aunts, uncles and cousins. I also lost another very close friend. I had a breakdown January 2019 and then I lost my job of 23 years in the July. My biological father passed away and then my lovely mum in November. Thought I was getting it back together and covid came on the scene. My husband then got made redundant. Now, and it may seem minor to some, our closest friends have split up. I'm devastated for them, they've been together for 26 years and seemed ideal together, but I'm also, selfishly, gutted for my husband and I. As a foursome we did so much together and had so much fun. We could all talk to each other about anything and it feels like another bereavement. I feel lost yet again. I'll be there for both of them for whatever they need, but I just can't get over it feeling like another death/loss in my life and I've just had enough of bad news all the time. Not just in my life but also the outside world. It feels like we're going to hell in a hand cart here in the UK and all the lights are going out in my life. Sorry for the long post, I needed to get it off my chest.
 
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Deleted member 91323

Guest
You have had so much bereavement in your life. I am so sorry. I understand why you are upset your friends have split up. It changes your whole friendship. You really have been through so much. I fully understand why you are hurting.
 
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Prycejosh1987

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2020
Messages
619
Location
UK
Problems will always come to us, dig deep and find the inner warrior. Press on where you can, and help the people around you get back up.
 
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curlywurly

Active member
Joined
Jun 1, 2019
Messages
27
Location
Leicester
Problems will always come to us, dig deep and find the inner warrior. Press on where you can, and help the people around you get back up.
Thank you, your message struck a chord with me. I think my inner warrior has been on holiday. I'm being flippant but I'd definitely lost that part of me, although I'm starting to see very small signs of finding it again.
At my lowest point last year, I got very close to suicide, had it all planned. After therapy, I thought those thoughts had gone forever, they started creeping back again recently and I took myself away to a holiday cottage on my own with the intention of doing it. Obviously I didn't and I think it's because little bits of the old me emerge now and then and I actually recognise those moments. It's slow progress, but I'm getting there xxx
 
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