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jema88

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 5, 2010
Messages
130
Feel like i take 3 steps forward then 10 steps back its driving me INSANE.. :cry: All i can think about is self harming.. I'm even thinking about it whilst driving.. I'm not concentrating on much.. I'm very short tempered and moody.. Taking it out on people i care about.. The guy i am seeing, bless his soul.. He just takes it all while im screaming, crying, shouting.. & give's me some quite good advise & always manage's to make me smile.. Laugh even.. Which is odd because it take's a lot for me to laugh when i feel like this.. So im grateful that he's very understanding & good with me.. But i don't want to push him away.. Must be awful me waking up in the morning & the first thing i do is cry and say why have i woke up i want to die :(:cry: I fell sick all the time.. I can't eat at all which im started to get a little worried about!.. My son is behaving like the devil's child at the minute.. He reduce's me to tears at least three times a day.. I'm still managing to do at least one possitive thing a day.. But still feel dreadful.. Worthless.. & discusting!!.. I want to releave all these feelings i've got & the only way i know to do this is self harm.. I don't want any more scar's so i doubt i'll do it but been thinking about it for days now!!:confused: I feel fed up & like ive just had enough now.. I'm coping a lot better now so i know i can do it i just feel like i dont want to & want to give up.x
 
W

warriorprincess

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 14, 2010
Messages
1,306
Location
Cool St, Coolville
Feel like i take 3 steps forward then 10 steps back its driving me INSANE.. :cry: All i can think about is self harming.. I'm even thinking about it whilst driving.. I'm not concentrating on much.. I'm very short tempered and moody.. Taking it out on people i care about.. The guy i am seeing, bless his soul.. He just takes it all while im screaming, crying, shouting.. & give's me some quite good advise & always manage's to make me smile.. Laugh even.. Which is odd because it take's a lot for me to laugh when i feel like this.. So im grateful that he's very understanding & good with me.. But i don't want to push him away.. Must be awful me waking up in the morning & the first thing i do is cry and say why have i woke up i want to die :(:cry: I fell sick all the time.. I can't eat at all which im started to get a little worried about!.. My son is behaving like the devil's child at the minute.. He reduce's me to tears at least three times a day.. I'm still managing to do at least one possitive thing a day.. But still feel dreadful.. Worthless.. & discusting!!.. I want to releave all these feelings i've got & the only way i know to do this is self harm.. I don't want any more scar's so i doubt i'll do it but been thinking about it for days now!!:confused: I feel fed up & like ive just had enough now.. I'm coping a lot better now so i know i can do it i just feel like i dont want to & want to give up.x
You've done so well please don't give up. what is stressing you the most at the moment? try and keep writing on here, you may find answers or at least a problem shared? I really feel for you having so much going on at the moment for you but it sounds like your partner is good for you so that's something to feel proud about, and no matter what happens throughout the day in your sons life, you are his mummy - his hero, he loves ou no matter what with all his heart because of, ultimately, everything you've ever done for him. And you're the best he could ever have. Need to keep reminding myself of this lately with my daughter but no one is perfect, and to them, we are their everything. xxxx keep posting! :hug:
 
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shell

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
175
Location
Lincolnshire
Hi

Sorry your having such a hard time. You have a lot going on its no wonder your feeling bad. You man sounds very nice and understanding. Try not too feel bad about your son, we all have our off days its hard being a parent at the best of times. I think your doing well trying to be as positive as you can. :hug:
 
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LilMissLost

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2010
Messages
125
Location
Essex
Hiya Jema,

I know how you feel it all gets a bit much sometimes, especially when we have a family to worry about aswell, i feel exactly the same at the moment, i have never self harmed, only just found out i have bipolar and its too much! I just want a break from everyone even if that means i get to sit there and cry for a few days totally on my own. How old is your son? I have a 7 y/o daughter and the last 7 years i have either had her in tears for shouting at her for her bad behaviour or shes had me in tears from being such hard work, that said iv never had the support i needed, Are you on any medication hun? I used to self medicate but only coz i knew i couldnt do it with nothing then bipolar was diagnosed a few weeks ago, am trying to look back at your previous posts but my pc is being rubbish today, there is a way out just please dont hurt yourself! inbox me when ever you need to and take care xxx
 
megirl

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
8,169
Location
NZ
Please dont harm yourself. Is there a crisis team you can ring?? Thats what they are there for to help you through a crisis. I am always reluctant to ring them however when my husband has rung them for me and made me speak to them they have been a godsend really helpful. I overdose on meds and going through ar ough patch myself at the mo. May consider contacting them myself over the weekend if things dont improve
 
J

jema88

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 5, 2010
Messages
130
Thank-you all for your comments... im still not feeling better... in fact.. im feeling worse.. yes im on medication.. 600 carbamazapine 7.5 olanzapine 40 fluxotine!!
My son is 4 (today)
:( xxx
 
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warriorprincess

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 14, 2010
Messages
1,306
Location
Cool St, Coolville
happy birthday to your son! :)

Why do you think you are feeling worse? what is your biggest concern at the mo? could it be your on wrong combo of meds as it doesn't sound like they're helping... can you see anyone to discuss this as soon as possible? sorry to fire questions i don't mean to!

Hope tomorrow's a better day... I hope you're not all worked up from it being your son's birthday, I know how much extra pressure I put on myself for my daughters first birthday which was this new years day, so just wondering if you may have done the same?

big hugs, and no matter what know that you're not alone xxx
 
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