Guilt

H

Human1975

Member
Joined
Aug 1, 2017
Messages
14
#1
I suppose there a lot of people like me in their 40s for whom a diagnosis and appropriate treatment never happened.
In my case it was Asperger Syndrome.
I went through difficulties all through school. It affected my career and destroyed my marriage.

In the 80s in the UK, i dont think high functioning autism was known about. So my parents were unaware of the signs. Teachers, doctors and nurses were also unaware.
I think that the only awareness the British public had of autism was the extreme end of it portrayed by Dustin Hoffman in Rainman.

I dont blame my parents for not noticing. There's no way they could have known.

I now feel guilty for giving them a difficult life. All my problems at school. The sadness of my marriage breakdown.
They lined up a good career for me and because i had no interpersonal skills, I [email protected]@@ed it up.

I wish i had been able to give them a good experience of being parents.
 
Anon_21

Anon_21

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Joined
Feb 24, 2018
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1,652
Location
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#2
That's an interesting attitude to have. Usually people blame others, not take on the guilt themselves. Neither is a healthy option, though. I retain a fair amount of guilt myself, but ultimately there is nothing we can do about our past actions.

I have apologized to my mom before for making her life difficult growing up, but that's about the best we can do. If I'd had someone sit down with me and help me rationalize my feelings, I wouldn't have acted out like I did.

As a result, I now do all I can to take care of myself and my symptoms today, to make the most of my life right now. I hope you are able to come to peace with your past and find a way to keep moving forward :)
 
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IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

Guest
#3
Guilt is one of the most or the most horrible feeling one can feel. I have so much guilt it makes me suicidal when I dwell on it. It never goes away either. I've done some really bad things in my past. I have this evil inside me it seems. I'm sorry you feel so guilty. The best we can do is try not to let it bother us so much. :hug:
 
Seachad

Seachad

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Mar 13, 2018
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516
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Central Florida
#4
If they can't be held accountable for not knowing, then neither can you.

Yes, it's unfortunate that it wasn't diagnosed earlier. If they, or you, or your teachers, &c. had known, perhaps everyone involved, yourself included, would've had an easier time of it. But it wasn't, and it worked out the way it did. It's no fault of yours, nor any shame upon you. It isn't your fault you're the way you are, and it isn't their fault for not knowing. Some things simply are unfortunate situations, which can't be helped, and one makes the best of what is, and goes on from there.

I understand your wish that things had been better and easier. And I do empathize. But it isn't any fault of yours, nor do you have any reason to feel guilty or ashamed of who you are or what others lives have been because of the fact that you have Asperger syndrome, or that it was undiagnosed for so long. We all do the best we can figure out how to do, based upon the information available to us at the time.

Wishing you well.
 
H

Human1975

Member
Joined
Aug 1, 2017
Messages
14
#5
Thanks for your replies. We can't change the past, but we can make the future better.
My wife has had it tough. I wasn't a caring husband because I lacked empathy and couldn't read her feelings etc etc.

I don't know if she will ever recover from being married to me. Hopefully her future will be brighter without me.