- May 4, 2020
- New york
*trigger warning at the end* I’ve been having an especially rough few weeks. I just am so angry and frustrated and sad. Being awake just feels like a drag and I feel uneasy at all times. I do have some negative things going on in my life but overall I do have a good life so I feel bad for feeling this way. Last night I couldn’t shake off the thought of just not wanting to wake up in the morning. I was thinking about how peaceful it would be to die. And I envisioned harming myself and being found in the morning in my bed. It wasn’t something I actually planned to do or want to do because I know it’s not the right decision for me. But I can’t stop feeling guilty about even thinking that way and now I’m thinking would I actually do it? Did I actually mean it? Why was I not being more positive?