Guilt OCD and confessing

M

Murrr

Member
Joined
Jul 29, 2018
Messages
6
Hello!
I've had different types of OCD thoughts. But when guilt from a past mistake comes up, it's always the worst because it's been done. Sometimes it's hard to know if it's the OCD twisting my mind, or if I should confess.
Three years ago, I went to Prague on a trip with the company I worked for. We drank alcohol the whole weekend, and on the last night me and some co-workers ended up on a strip club. After a lot of asking if I wanted lap dances from the girls there, I said yes to a private dance. I left the place straight after this dance, and felt sad and disappointed in myself. I remember I kept saying to myself I wanted to travel home to my girlfriend, whom I had been together with for several months. A year and a half later I confessed what I did(even that I touched). She was ok with it, didnt liked it of course, but it was a mistake. The thing is, now I have guilt for something else from the visit to that club. When I was going to have the dance, I said to one of my co-workers that I was gonna bite the dancers boobs or nipples or something. I dont know if i said it to be "cool" or funny, or if I was caught up in the moment, but I didnt do that, and never would. It's almost two years since I confessed. And now, this pops up in my head. My OCD wants me to tell my girlfriend what I said, like it's the right thing to do. But I think it will only hurt her. I was very drunk that night, and regret it every day. I've never cheated, and never will. Do you agree that it's the OCD trying to take over here?
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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Jun 13, 2015
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11,502
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Murr, you write about the OCD like it's some separate entity apart from you. It isn't some separate thing that makes you want to confess. It's YOU who wants to confess because you are torturing yourself. You are torturing yourself because of guilt. If you figure out what your guilt is composed of, you will get to the bottom of this and no longer torment yourself with guilt.

So you made a "mistake". You have to forgive yourself like a gentle father to yourself. There's a touch of perfectionism in your guilt. You are being very harsh on yourself.
With the circumstances at the time, you succumbed to being an ordinary fallible human being.

You are probably right that dredging it up again and telling your girlfriend more details will only upset her. It's best to leave it alone. You won't gain absolution from confessing more. Keep it to yourself and write to us here and promise yourself you won't do something like that again. You learned your lesson. Stop with the guilt.
 
M

Murrr

Member
Joined
Jul 29, 2018
Messages
6
Thank you for the answer, appreciate it!
I will try to get to the bottom of the guilt. It's very uncomfortable walking around with the guilt hanging over me. I will keep this to myself, and of course never do something like that ever again!
 

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