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Guess who's back, Back again

ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad

ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
73
Location
Pinecone island of happiness
Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back.

Throw back to Eminem's old songs, turns out the lyrics work for this too. (It's technically "shady's back" but, shh don't tell anyone)

Figured I'd bring it a bit of happiness in whilst I yet again agonise over wanting to self harm and not doing it.

This time it's cause my anxiety has been super high, cause sleep is basically absent again anndddd the new term is starting! Yayyy, fun times filled with agony. Sorry my sarcasm is hieghtened cause sleep deprivation...big sorry.

Also! I downloaded an app called calm harm off Google play store, it's pretty decent at destracting you when you're goin through the urge to self harm. Helped me to not do it, so I'm still a month free, trying to keep it that way.

Just needed to tell this into the abyss, thanks, and good luck you got this!
 
Annelis

Annelis

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2019
Messages
91
Location
Slovakia
Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back.

Throw back to Eminem's old songs, turns out the lyrics work for this too. (It's technically "shady's back" but, shh don't tell anyone)

Figured I'd bring it a bit of happiness in whilst I yet again agonise over wanting to self harm and not doing it.

This time it's cause my anxiety has been super high, cause sleep is basically absent again anndddd the new term is starting! Yayyy, fun times filled with agony. Sorry my sarcasm is hieghtened cause sleep deprivation...big sorry.

Also! I downloaded an app called calm harm off Google play store, it's pretty decent at destracting you when you're goin through the urge to self harm. Helped me to not do it, so I'm still a month free, trying to keep it that way.

Just needed to tell this into the abyss, thanks, and good luck you got this!
I'm not sleeping either. I hope you manage it all - not to harm yourself and also the new term. But I totally know what it's like when the term starts and you're like this. I guess it's waiting for me next month, but I've been there several times.
 
ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad

ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
73
Location
Pinecone island of happiness
I'm not sleeping either. I hope you manage it all - not to harm yourself and also the new term. But I totally know what it's like when the term starts and you're like this. I guess it's waiting for me next month, but I've been there several times.
Thank you, I was almost gonna do it but I've managed to talk myself out of it for now. Things will be okay, this feeling will pass and hopefully I'll be able to calm enough to get at least an hour.

Good luck, I hope you manage to get some sleep. But yeah the amount of work to do this term is gonna be immense. Don't think I'm ready for it 😅
 
Annelis

Annelis

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2019
Messages
91
Location
Slovakia
Thank you, I was almost gonna do it but I've managed to talk myself out of it for now. Things will be okay, this feeling will pass and hopefully I'll be able to calm enough to get at least an hour.

Good luck, I hope you manage to get some sleep. But yeah the amount of work to do this term is gonna be immense. Don't think I'm ready for it 😅
You don't have to feel ready, you will just manage when it comes :) I believe so. Last year, I was told that there was a problem at my university, due to a professor retiring and some committee not hiring a new one on time, byrocratic stuff... And that we have to study two years in one. So I was suddenly told that I was going to have 62 SUBJECTS in two terms, along with writing a thesis and I have a part time job where they almost doubled my working time around that time. I certainly didn't feel ready for that. I had a bad mental breakdown that summer even before I knew this and of course this not sleeping stuff. I certainly didn't think I could do that. But I did. I don't know how, I did it and to my immense surprise I even got some price for having better marks than all of my classmates who didn't work and who didn't have mental problems: o
So I really do believe you will manage. But i really know it's hard so feel free to doubt it and everything if you need to. :D
 
Annelis

Annelis

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2019
Messages
91
Location
Slovakia
I tried listening to an audiobook to fall asleep but after 20 minutes there's no difference :/ I hope you're doing better and helpfully sleeping :)
 
ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad

ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
73
Location
Pinecone island of happiness
Wow that's crazy, that's amazing that you managed that, gives me some hope too. Well done, I can't really imagine how that would've been. But I know it would've been tough, congrats on working through that and even doing better than the others, that's a feat in itself 😄

Also I think I slept about 3/4am? I was also trying to listen to rain/music/talking, I ended up reading for an hour or so before finally sleeping, not great but better than other nights 😅
 
Annelis

Annelis

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2019
Messages
91
Location
Slovakia
Wow that's crazy, that's amazing that you managed that, gives me some hope too. Well done, I can't really imagine how that would've been. But I know it would've been tough, congrats on working through that and even doing better than the others, that's a feat in itself 😄

Also I think I slept about 3/4am? I was also trying to listen to rain/music/talking, I ended up reading for an hour or so before finally sleeping, not great but better than other nights 😅
Well that's at least some sleep :)
Glad to have given you some hope. But I really didn't feel up to it and not knowing how managing it really well. So I guess it proves you can do more than you feel up to even with the fear and everything but you can manage :)
 
ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad

ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
73
Location
Pinecone island of happiness
Well that's at least some sleep :)
Glad to have given you some hope. But I really didn't feel up to it and not knowing how managing it really well. So I guess it proves you can do more than you feel up to even with the fear and everything but you can manage :)
Heh, it's nice to think that it's possible because others have done it, I dunno what's up with me nowadays tho. Every night it's a battle to either not self harm or fall asleep.

I want to do well in class, I'm excersizing, eating good meals, trying to sleep at a healthier time. But it just feels like, when it gets to night time. I dunno. Something in me changes when it's dark like this, if I'm not destracting myself the only thing I can think of is harm.

Sorry if that was a bit full on, I don't think I am in a good headspace right now...
 
Annelis

Annelis

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2019
Messages
91
Location
Slovakia
Heh, it's nice to think that it's possible because others have done it, I dunno what's up with me nowadays tho. Every night it's a battle to either not self harm or fall asleep.

I want to do well in class, I'm excersizing, eating good meals, trying to sleep at a healthier time. But it just feels like, when it gets to night time. I dunno. Something in me changes when it's dark like this, if I'm not destracting myself the only thing I can think of is harm.

Sorry if that was a bit full on, I don't think I am in a good headspace right now...
Yes I understand it. I also experience the feeling like I function somehow thought the day and mostly I feel tired almost all day (no surprise though) but as it gets dark and it's time to sleep I'm totally awake and the thoughts appear in my head (luckily nowadays not the self harm ones mostly, but I have such periods too) but I just can't sleep no matter what and have to think, want to talk to my sister (who wants to sleep)... And then I just can't sleep.
So I think I get what you're going through. To me the audiobooks turned out to be a great help - I mean it still takes an hour or so, sometimes less, sometimes way more, until I fall asleep but it distracts me enough not to think much and eventually I fall asleep. Since I started listening to those when I can't sleep, I went through all the Harry potter books almost 3 times in a year, but I don't think I remember more then 2 nights really not sleeping when the daylight was back again :D so I guess it's an improvement.
Do you have something that helps you sleep?
 
ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad

ThisIsOnlyABumpInTheRoad

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
73
Location
Pinecone island of happiness
Yes I understand it. I also experience the feeling like I function somehow thought the day and mostly I feel tired almost all day (no surprise though) but as it gets dark and it's time to sleep I'm totally awake and the thoughts appear in my head (luckily nowadays not the self harm ones mostly, but I have such periods too) but I just can't sleep no matter what and have to think, want to talk to my sister (who wants to sleep)... And then I just can't sleep.
So I think I get what you're going through. To me the audiobooks turned out to be a great help - I mean it still takes an hour or so, sometimes less, sometimes way more, until I fall asleep but it distracts me enough not to think much and eventually I fall asleep. Since I started listening to those when I can't sleep, I went through all the Harry potter books almost 3 times in a year, but I don't think I remember more then 2 nights really not sleeping when the daylight was back again :D so I guess it's an improvement.
Do you have something that helps you sleep?
Aw that's good I'm glad you managed to find something that worked better than before, for me it's been rain for the better of 6/7years? But recently it doesn't help, I've tried classical music and that helped better but it has to be a certain type of classical which doesn't help when you listen to the radio.

I'm not really sure, I've tried a lot of things but even when I settle down for bed it's just nothing, sometimes there's no thoughts and I'm just staring at the black nothingness for several hours.

I hope you continue to do well, rooting for you!

I'll be dying my hair and hanging out with friends later today then I'm going home for a few days, I think I'll sleep properly at home. I just need a power up before the term properly starts
 
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