• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

growing up with mymentally ill father being mentally ill

P

pope

New member
Joined
Sep 12, 2021
Messages
2
Location
canada
Hi, I just joined this forum after looking online for somewhere to read about others experiences and venting about my own. This is going to be pretty messy as I haven’t slept in a while and won’t be able to make myself read it over after but i’ll try. For the record i’m 19 years old, my parents were divorced when i was 5, and by the way my mom describes the reason it’s because my dad has such bad depression and psychosis that she felt it was unhealthy for me to be around. I don’t blame her tbh but a part of me wishes I didn’t have to be around it at all. I still went to visit my dad every other weekend and I know he tried to be there for me but every visit would just involve him crying and drinking till he would pass out on the floor so I would put a blanket over him and go to bed. This happened for years… I started to think this was normal and I started crying and hiding under tables when I would be dropped off at school. I wish I only lived with my mom then… Flash forward a bit and my mom got remarried to a guy I particularly didn’t and still don’t like. Now he’s not a bad person but they’ve been together about 8 years now and i’ve had minimal interaction with him besides when he would get mad at me about leaving crumbs in the sink or when he made me get rid of my dog. I honestly don’t like him.. I lived with them for quite a while and felt completely alone in that house. I was left out of everything and maybe that’s my fault but I just wanted to hangout with my mom and it just was awkward with him around.

Now i lived with them until i was 18 and we lived out in the country, i’m a crazy animal lover and my stepdad does not like them at all. There was a stray pregnant cat that i’d feed sometimes outside the house and i felt so bad for her i ended up bringing her into my room and planned on rehoming her and the kittens after she was taken care of. Now what happened was he found out and gave me an ultimatum of either I put the kittens and mom outside or I left the house, Iobviously left hah. I moved in with my dad and brought this family of kittens, a week later i rehomed all the kittens whilst keeping one because I fell in love and my dad didn’t mind. i’ve been living her a year and it’s been hell. Not constant hell but the kind that comes and goes with no warning… my dad suffers from bipolar disorder, psychosis, severe depression and narcissistic personality. I try to tell myself that my dad doesn’t mean to do and say the things he does but i’m not sure I believe that much now. He doesnt do his old crying like he used to instead he is mean. And when I say mean I mean like insulting you to your face and talking badly about you behind your back to anyone he can. His bipolar tendencies have gotten so bad that I can never predict which mood he’s going to be in, one day he’s being nice and the next he’s calling me useless and saying i need to get out of his house because I make his mood worse. I don’t think i’ve been this depressed in a long time and it hurts me to say this but i don’t have much going for me at this point. I want to leave and do things so bad but my anxiety and depression is so severe it makes it so hard to get myself to do things. My mom wants me to go back with her but how am i supposed to go back to a place where I feel so alone and I also would have to get rid of my cat who is one of my few reasons to keep going.

At this time my dad is in a mood and i haven’t left my room in days, been crying on and off not motivated to do anything. He’s mad because my cat was upsetting his own cat and told me to keep him in my room and not let him out or leave his home. I don’t understand why his cat deserves more respect than I do. Who chooses a cat over your daughter?? I really don’t understand his logic or wtf he thinks about but im really tempted to just say fuck it and leave
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
6,573
Location
Canada
Hi pope. I think when you can, it will be good for you to get out on your own. Living with troubled people is hard and harder still when you've got troubles of your own.
 
BEASTMODEWARRIOR

BEASTMODEWARRIOR

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 2, 2021
Messages
898
Location
New Jersey
Hi, I just joined this forum after looking online for somewhere to read about others experiences and venting about my own. This is going to be pretty messy as I haven’t slept in a while and won’t be able to make myself read it over after but i’ll try. For the record i’m 19 years old, my parents were divorced when i was 5, and by the way my mom describes the reason it’s because my dad has such bad depression and psychosis that she felt it was unhealthy for me to be around. I don’t blame her tbh but a part of me wishes I didn’t have to be around it at all. I still went to visit my dad every other weekend and I know he tried to be there for me but every visit would just involve him crying and drinking till he would pass out on the floor so I would put a blanket over him and go to bed. This happened for years… I started to think this was normal and I started crying and hiding under tables when I would be dropped off at school. I wish I only lived with my mom then… Flash forward a bit and my mom got remarried to a guy I particularly didn’t and still don’t like. Now he’s not a bad person but they’ve been together about 8 years now and i’ve had minimal interaction with him besides when he would get mad at me about leaving crumbs in the sink or when he made me get rid of my dog. I honestly don’t like him.. I lived with them for quite a while and felt completely alone in that house. I was left out of everything and maybe that’s my fault but I just wanted to hangout with my mom and it just was awkward with him around.

Now i lived with them until i was 18 and we lived out in the country, i’m a crazy animal lover and my stepdad does not like them at all. There was a stray pregnant cat that i’d feed sometimes outside the house and i felt so bad for her i ended up bringing her into my room and planned on rehoming her and the kittens after she was taken care of. Now what happened was he found out and gave me an ultimatum of either I put the kittens and mom outside or I left the house, Iobviously left hah. I moved in with my dad and brought this family of kittens, a week later i rehomed all the kittens whilst keeping one because I fell in love and my dad didn’t mind. i’ve been living her a year and it’s been hell. Not constant hell but the kind that comes and goes with no warning… my dad suffers from bipolar disorder, psychosis, severe depression and narcissistic personality. I try to tell myself that my dad doesn’t mean to do and say the things he does but i’m not sure I believe that much now. He doesnt do his old crying like he used to instead he is mean. And when I say mean I mean like insulting you to your face and talking badly about you behind your back to anyone he can. His bipolar tendencies have gotten so bad that I can never predict which mood he’s going to be in, one day he’s being nice and the next he’s calling me useless and saying i need to get out of his house because I make his mood worse. I don’t think i’ve been this depressed in a long time and it hurts me to say this but i don’t have much going for me at this point. I want to leave and do things so bad but my anxiety and depression is so severe it makes it so hard to get myself to do things. My mom wants me to go back with her but how am i supposed to go back to a place where I feel so alone and I also would have to get rid of my cat who is one of my few reasons to keep going.

At this time my dad is in a mood and i haven’t left my room in days, been crying on and off not motivated to do anything. He’s mad because my cat was upsetting his own cat and told me to keep him in my room and not let him out or leave his home. I don’t understand why his cat deserves more respect than I do. Who chooses a cat over your daughter?? I really don’t understand his logic or wtf he thinks about but im really tempted to just say fuck it and leave
Fantastic story, love it, sorry i know that sounds wrong but yea im in same boat, my family is mentally disability not literally but they are, they hide there insecurities deep inside and im the person that is gets frowned upon, im the oldest in my sibling in my family i have one younger brother that is kinda hateful against me because im starting to change my life around for the better, and he gets jealous and tries to show it by manipulating my emotions to make feel weak and uncomfortable all the time, this also goes for my mother and father, they love to do this, they manipulate your emotions and try to stop you from reaching your desired goals and outcomes. I don't know what to say, im getting a outside psychiatrist to figure out how they wont manipulate me anymore, you should do the same. i think this is the best way because he will educate you why they do those things to you and how to fight against it. welcome to the forum, i hope you get the support and help you need.
 
SoftRain

SoftRain

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 26, 2016
Messages
3,735
Location
sillyville, USA
I remember being a kid, visiting my dad and came home and my step dad and gotten rid of my dog. I was devastated. I could not believe my mom allowed for it to go on. My views shifted of my worth and how little my feelings meant in that house. So I can totally relate to the thought of losing your cat.
 
P

pope

New member
Joined
Sep 12, 2021
Messages
2
Location
canada
I remember being a kid, visiting my dad and came home and my step dad and gotten rid of my dog. I was devastated. I could not believe my mom allowed for it to go on. My views shifted of my worth and how little my feelings meant in that house. So I can totally relate to the thought of losing your cat.
Can I ask if you moved out? How did you deal with that?
 
Top