- Apr 26, 2018
I'm a childless man over forty and that first statement never caused me any pain until recently. I've had a difficult life and never had any children. It was never a conscious decision. It's just the way my life worked out. It never bothered me before until recently. I've experienced grief over parents dying but this grief is almost unbearable. I began to feel an emotional pain like grief and depression like I've never known about a few months ago after an insensitive comment from a friend about me not having kids. Everybody always tells me I'd be a wonderful father because of my kindness and generosity where my relatives' kids are concerned. Now I am grieving and in pain and depressed. At first I didn't know why I was feeling this terrible pain that felt like the worst unrequited love or the worse bereavement. It took me a while to figure out what was causing this. I had to do a lot of soul searching. I've never heard of men suffering in this way over being or the prospect of being childless later in life. It's so painful at times it has made me consider if my life is worth living. What rubs salt in the wound even more is that all of my siblings have kids, some of whom I'm fond of. Whilst I know most of them love me, not all of them reciprocate that fondness, and it's painful for me (being so open-hearted and vulnerable) to know that some of them feel indifferently towards me. I'm really hurting and the pain just won't go away.