D
drika
New member
before you're warned, be forewarned: i have a tendency to be graphic sometimes. proceed with caution and a stable(ish) state of mind...
the name is drika - it's a short form of "hendrika" and the meaning of it, i read somewhere, is "powerful". not that i feel that way often - if ever?
i'm a young adult, struggled with the feeling of something being wrong as long as i can remember... in fact, i don't remember much before the year 2007. my official diagnosis falls under psychotic disorders. i have a lot of mood symptoms, even though i believe it is only my natural disposition. (anyone noticing signs of denial?)
there have been greater times in my life. i'm tired of writing the book of my life with my own blood. i want to use the ink, but i feel i have to ask permission for it. i am afraid. i know i am allowed to use it, i am expected to use it, but i will beat myself up if i ever touch it without it being offered to me. i will beat myself up for wanting anything.
i have taken medications, but they have been of no or very little help. i am not allowed into psychotherapy yet, since that is the way this rotten society works. they decide for me, because i am too disturbed in my mind to know.
does the lack of trust for mental health professionals and a certain amount of misanthropy mean you're hopeless? i hope not.. i get small flickers of hope every now and then - often enough to keep me alive.
(it says tea, but i believe it's coffee - it helps a lot, too.)
thank you for taking your time to read this brief introduction. i will tell you, however, that it does not say much about what my contribution to this community will be. that should be a good thing - i do not always feel as grim as i do now.
peace. (yeah right, i know...)
the name is drika - it's a short form of "hendrika" and the meaning of it, i read somewhere, is "powerful". not that i feel that way often - if ever?
i'm a young adult, struggled with the feeling of something being wrong as long as i can remember... in fact, i don't remember much before the year 2007. my official diagnosis falls under psychotic disorders. i have a lot of mood symptoms, even though i believe it is only my natural disposition. (anyone noticing signs of denial?)
there have been greater times in my life. i'm tired of writing the book of my life with my own blood. i want to use the ink, but i feel i have to ask permission for it. i am afraid. i know i am allowed to use it, i am expected to use it, but i will beat myself up if i ever touch it without it being offered to me. i will beat myself up for wanting anything.
i have taken medications, but they have been of no or very little help. i am not allowed into psychotherapy yet, since that is the way this rotten society works. they decide for me, because i am too disturbed in my mind to know.
does the lack of trust for mental health professionals and a certain amount of misanthropy mean you're hopeless? i hope not.. i get small flickers of hope every now and then - often enough to keep me alive.
(it says tea, but i believe it's coffee - it helps a lot, too.)thank you for taking your time to read this brief introduction. i will tell you, however, that it does not say much about what my contribution to this community will be. that should be a good thing - i do not always feel as grim as i do now.
peace. (yeah right, i know...)
Last edited:
and I hope that you find what you are looking for here.
