Greetings Earthlings

[skunkmonkey]

Hi everyone,

I'm new to this forum. Hopefully together we can help each other out of our respective issues.

Here's my situation. Bear with me I don't know what my condition is called so I'll just have to explain it. Maybe someone else knows what it is called. That would certainly help me to know where to look for help.

I am a recluse to the extreme but I strongly desire being close to someone. I have an intense fear of relationships and when I'm in them I walk on eggshells and worry constantly that I'll mess it up. I tend to be extremely clingy and drive the other person away. It has been about a decade since my last relationship and that absence has put me in a fairly deep depression.

The depression I understand but I do not understand my fear. It is irrational and unable to be dealt with logically. It's almost like there are 2 people inside my head, one (the stronger, subconscious) bent on keeping me safe through isolation at any cost. The other (weaker, conscious) wants to enjoy a relationship and all that comes with it.

I am a very shy person but I have overcome my shyness in the past so this is not a case of simply being afraid of social situations. I can logically work myself through shyness with effort.

I thought for a while that I was suffering from extreme separation anxiety disorder but everything I've been reading about that seems to indicate that it's just for children.

My parents separated when I was young and I was forced to decide between them. I remember that decision being absolutely devastating to me and resolving that I would never let myself get close to anyone again. Combine that with the fact that later my parents did get back together but my father would punish us kids if we displayed any form of physical affection to anyone and viola you have one messed up kid. (all kids are grown and gone now btw so no worries about current situations)

Anyway, if anyone has a clue what this disorder might be I would be interested in hearing about it. I've been at a loss as to what to research to overcome it. I can't do the therapy thing. I tried but I am unable to open up to a therapist, my mind just completely blanks out and my emotions turn to dust even after months of working with them. I gave up on them and decided to strike out on my own. At least until I get to a point that they can help me.

 

[iffybob]

He he

Yes I do recognise this situation , and I will not tell you either.........

.. so now for the why I wont tell you, your situtation is complicated, and it is common, but it is also individual, if you were told what catagory it was, you would be able to read or look for imformation, 99% of which would not apply 'to you', it would upset you, make you anxios, depressed etc, for no good reason.

You realy just need to do the theropy, and work at it, make the effort to open up, and describe the best you can to the theropyst what you feel, how you act and your emotions at these times.

I know that this is hard work, you will not feel better after the theropy sessions, you will prob feel worse, but over time you will notice the way you behave is changing and it will help you get on with you life and have a better one.

If you have probs remembering what you want to say in theropy, write it down, even if it is just a bullet points list, it will help you.

Take care, try to do the work ....... get better ... boB .......

 

[Ainsworth]

skunkmonkey

i understand that too

 

[quality factor]

Hi and to the forum.

QF.

 

[Wynn]

Have you ever read the book - I think its called 'Toxic Parents'? It may not all be relevant to your feelings / situation, but it may give you some handle on things and something to think about. It certainly helped me when I was in a similar situation to you. I expect lots of people will recognise what you say. Sometimes it helps to loook for the positives - a friend once told me, that yes - my childhood had left some bad stuff to deal with as an adult, but it had also given me a huge amount of insight, understanding and empathy with all the others - children and adults - who suffer similarly.

 

[skunkmonkey]

Thank you all for welcoming me and for your advice.

I haven't heard of that book Wynn but thank you, I will have to check it out.

 

[gettinit2gether]

welcome fellow newcomer???

hey m8.
im a newcomer!!(im not that sure that u r???)sounds like it??
Im in oz(the time difference is a bastard but still nice 2 catch up.
im also a vigin in forums' online&im near40yrs old & have my 1st computer-so pls excuse my NEWNESS???????
hope ur coping o.k with the snow???
its like nearly 40degrees celsius here-such a differnce.
this is our summer & that ur winter!!!
i was born in Norwich 1970-been in australia since 1974.
I suffer from bpd-paranoia and social exclusion.(unemployed)
i dont know about threads nothing so im pretty STUFFED!!!!!!!
ive had 2 replies from my 1st "thread" last nite-so GO ME!!!!!!!!!!!
i hope u enjoy m8!!!