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Great weather....and.... Stuck in

J

JasonR28

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 8, 2014
Messages
146
I got up, sun shining here, summer has sort of started. My mood today? Mega low and angry.


So with a nice day, its a great day to do stuff right? Yeah right.

Walking the dog? Nope. Still can't do it because he was badly attacked not long back. Completely unprovoked by a dog off it's lead and the owner walked off. I didn't have the right help and support at the time and so haven't got through it yet. Even the thought of walking him makes me feel upset and on edge.

Going to town, coffee shops just like going to clothes shops or any other shop.... Symptoms.....

Anxiety symptoms that are physical rather than mental.

I'd love to do those things. I have no fears, worries or anything. Those things are supposed to be enjoyable but they never are for me because of symptoms.

Like I must have said here before. Going to a clothes shop involves shaking, the usual brain fog. It's hard to focus, absorb information and process things. It is always far from enjoyable and causes more harm than good. I end up low, suicidal and harming myself because of how the symptoms have won again and ruined it all for me.


The symptoms never reduce which means the same old every single time.

Actually the thing that does reduce the symptoms massively is Alcohol, but it's not sustainable. I don't want to drink today so it's certainly not a good idea to go to town because once there and experiencing all the horrid symptoms, it becomes a struggle then knowing that I can suffer or I can nip to the pub for a few drinks and reduce the symptoms.

In recent times the pub usually wins because I don't want to suffer anymore.


So today instead I'm now going back to bed I think, to sleep until it's dark so I don't have the be sat around the house feeling like I want to do something but knowing I just cant because the symptoms will destroy it all as they always do.
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

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Mar 19, 2019
Messages
3,562
Location
UK
Sorry you're feeling so down.

Jason, the sunshine will boost your serotonin levels - doesn't matter if you're sitting on your back step or taking a walk - the sun will help to lift your mood and make you feel better.

Maybe sit in a park if you don't have a garden. You don't have to take your dog.

There's a big yellow thing in the sky and we haven't seen it for weeks....get yourself out there, sweetheart. :hug: xxx
 
J

JasonR28

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 8, 2014
Messages
146
Yesterday in the end royally hit the fan so to speak.

In the end I felt bad for staying in so opted to just go to town and if I drank alcohol to control symptoms, then so be it.

With mental health problems I really struggle with decision making. I feel I always make the wrong choice with whatever I decide and yesterday was one of those days.

As I mentioned here a while ago, my dog was attacked not long back and I am too terrified to walk him since. As I got ready for town, my dog was going crazy thinking we are going out, but I had to leave him. It was horrid hearing him whining as I left just wanting to go with me. I walked down the road and came back twice feeling too guilty to go but in the end I went.

In town, symptoms were hell for me. I couldn't manage, was on the verge of tears and yes I went to the pub to self medicate.

In the pub the feelings of guilt were eating away at me still. One minute fine, the next feeling so low and guilty for having to leave my dog. I felt so bad about it I needed to be distracted and sadly chose to play on a fruit machine.

I lost a lot of money and was close to suicide after. Not good
 
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