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Got to be honest, I’m struggling.

G

GothicRocker

New member
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Wales
Hey everyone I’m new here.

I will put a trigger warning here now just in case I upset anyone.

I have a history of psychosis. Which I think is reading it’s ugly head again. However, this time, my husband is also paranoid, seeing and hearing things that aren’t there. So I’m trying to support him.

I’m finding it so hard. With myself, I’ve noticed that when there’s music playing, that I can hear a totally different song and in that case there must be a hidden message in it for me.

I’m fighting so hard to try and rationalise it. However with trying to help my husband it’s getting really difficult to manage.

I’m getting paranoid too. Right now I’m kind of torn between “yes what I’m thinking is paranoid so it can’t be real” and “oh my god these thoughts are true”.

I’m posting this in the hope of getting some support. I don’t want either of us going down the track of full blown psychosis.

Thanks for reading guys.
 
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Worriedyin

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 2, 2019
Messages
423
Location
UK
I had the song thing a few weeks ago and it went away, but I was still on antipsychotics and I stopped listening to anything I thought might trigger me.

Do you have a CPN or psychiatrist you can contact? Especially for your husband who sounds like he might already be in psychosis if he's seeing and hearing things which aren't there.

Are you on medication?

I don't know what to suggest as I'm not that experienced with psychosis but I'm not sure if the symptoms will go or if they'll just get worse. I would think going on medication as a precaution would be pretty sensible, especially one that's worked for you in the past.

Well done on supporting your husband, it can't be easy.
 
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smallgeezer

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
310
Location
Europe
Hello GothicRocker in Wales.

I am also struggling at the moment.

I understand what it is like to be close to someone else who is hallucinating/delusional. Sometimes you can end up believing everything they believe because your minds work in the same way.

I also have the feeling that sometimes I think "oh dear I have really bad psychosis now" and other times I think "there is nothing wrong. This is all true"...then i just immerse myself in the psychosis.

When I was on medication, I might have had tiny bits of psychosis and difficult mood but it was mild and lasted a very short time.

Now I am not on medication I seem to be psychotic frequently and intensely.


It is really good that you can identify your thoughts as paranoid/delusional etc. even though you are not always sure.


This is a difficult disorder especially as it is so stigmatized. I feel I cannot access healthcare because of the stigma.
 
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GothicRocker

New member
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Wales
Hi both. Thank you for your replies. I don’t have any mental health support as I got discharged for not attending an appointment that I didn’t know I had. I’ve been trying to get help again since last year. They keep saying they will pass on my message to the relevant people but they never do.

My other half is fighting for mental health care too. He has had to go to our local politician to complain. He’s got a psychiatrist appointment this Thursday though which is progress.

He’s developing an eating disorder too alongside the depression, anxiety and hallucinations so we are hoping the psychiatrist can put him on better medication. He’s currently on 150mg Quetiapine, 185mg twice a day Venlafaxine, 80mg Of Propranalol and Lorazepam PRN.

As for myself I’m on 15mg of Olanzapine, 50mg I think of Sertraline. Amongst other medication for my physical health.

We are both struggling right now so it’s really difficult for each of us to support the other.

Thanks again for your replies. It’s nice to know we aren’t alone.
 
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