Good to be back

megirl

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
5,953
Location
NZ
#1
I hardly ever come on the forum these days
I missed being here around like minded people. I had tough 12 months but too everyone's suprise here I am doing really well.
I look back and think I cant believe I am here.
This time last year my husband and I split. I didn't how I could survive without him.
I wanted to end my life I had decided that this time I am going to do it there will be no ringing for help this time.
I was going to get so drunk then take all my pills then that's it. I had the means to do it but this time I won't chicken out. I believed that this time I can't live without my husband. Luckily my support worker made the decision right their and then to admit me. So under the mental health act. I am so grateful that I am here living on my own theres just me and the dog.
I didn't realise how negative and controlling my husband had become. No wonder my mental health was declining. It wasn't till I was on the ward that it became clear how my situation with my husband actually was.
I could have ended things but here I am so more relaxed than I have been in years and years.
Incredible.
My pdoc and support worker were baffled why I hadnt told them how things were at home. I didn't realise until I was on the ward that their was a reason I was struggling
Isn't amazing the damage one person can do.
My ex had been a rock to me but yeh I guess these things happen
 
Mayfair

Mayfair

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 12, 2010
Messages
32,585
Location
8,539
#3
It's good to see that things improvig megirl :)

Don't worry about not being a regular in here. Some are , some aren't. It reflects nothing really.

People always welcome, to come and go, it's always been this way.

I also like like minded, hence probably why I a regular :)

Good to see you doing well. I like the word in your post 'relaxed'.

This important more I think than most realise. I associate being relaxed, with being well and happy.
 
megirl

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
5,953
Location
NZ
#4
It is nice to be around like-minded people. I am fortunate things turned out for the best.
 
megirl

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
5,953
Location
NZ
#5
Gosh its almost a year since my husband of 12 years decided to end our marriage.
Since my admission to the hospital once I got home we decided for my safety I pick up my meds every second day. Consuming one mornings meds under supervision then taking the next days home so I only ever have 1 days of morning meds at home
So anyway a year on i asked my support worker to ask my pdoc if we could change this routine just have twice weekly meds.
I have done so well no overdoses in almost 12 months and no drinking during this time. I was a little disappointed I know they just want to keep me safe but feel this is a little extreme
 
megirl

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
5,953
Location
NZ
#6
Its like I still can't be 100% trusted. Though I did get really wound up the other week when I when on Facebook and saw my husband having this quite attractive chick as his friend hes had for 3 years and hes always posting comments on her photos etc. And the other thing is shes got him hidden as her friend. Then we had only broken up for several weeks and he had already put on his page he has been 'single' in such a short time. Then he says he wants to be my friend but he has refused me as a friend on Facebook.
What the heck. So I havnt heard from him in almost 11 days and feel bit sick about it
 
megirl

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
5,953
Location
NZ
#7
Then my ex says he works with this chick but they dont work for the same company and a totally different type of work. Like I am happy if he is a friend with a couple of ladies at his work I have met them and karl has mentioned them etc.....but they aren't on his friend list!!
Anyway the most important thing I have figured is I am not going near bloody Facebook
 
megirl

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
5,953
Location
NZ
#8
Well because I saw my support worker yesterday gave him a ring about the doctor not wanting my medication regime well he actually doesn't know why, its like grrr..she must of had a reason so anyway shes back Friday he will ask her then
 
megirl

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
5,953
Location
NZ
#9
Its been 2.5 weeks since I heard from ex.
That's the longest without even a text.
I want to ring him see if hes ok. But then everytime I have contact I get sad. I am thinking maybe hes met someone which I feel quite sick about. It I guess makes it real.
Like I know I don't want for us to get back. He broke my heart. Still I feel all torn inside
Silly I know
 
megirl

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
5,953
Location
NZ
#10
People that know me might shake their heads. But my ex text me back and I feel better. Like I think I just needed some kind of reassurance of some sort. I know its strange. I know we aren't going to catch up for a coffee or coming around for tea, hes not part of my life really anymore.
I just needed some kind of ?????Acknowledgement. Yes its probably strange but oh well I feel calmer now ......the main thing is I guess my little bit of BPD revisits just needed to reassure myself that he hasnt %100 deserted me. Though he has really.
At least I have my dog yay!!!!!!
 
megirl

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
5,953
Location
NZ
#11
I can't quite %100 get him out of my heart.
But my brain knows I need too for safe guard myself from future hurt. He has already started his new life. He may get in a new relationship at some point.
:dance:..no one as good as me though of course not ..only kidding
 
erostom

erostom

Member
Joined
Feb 10, 2019
Messages
7
Location
England
#12
Completely get what you mean, its not so much the attachment or the relationship as it is recognition of existence really, had a break-up not too long ago after I thought I had found "the one" and can't say I fully started to get over it until I had heard from her, just do your best to move on and think of better things I guess, I believe in fate and if things aren't meant to be then they wont, wish the best of luck to you and I hope you continue to deal with the situation well :)
 
megirl

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
5,953
Location
NZ
#13
Yes you are absolutely correct.
Thank you for that.
I am moving on and if you have read any of my post here I am doing really well and with the help of others.
My pdoc and support worker and health professionals who have cared for me can't believe how well I have done.
Sadly yep our relationship was (I didn't and couldn't see it when I was still in it) having a major negative impact on my mental health.
Its turned out for the best.
I have never lived on my own and just been able to be me not having to abide by others rules or negative input.
I'm rambling
Thank you
And welcome to you
Take care
 
erostom

erostom

Member
Joined
Feb 10, 2019
Messages
7
Location
England
#14
I'm pretty new here but just judging from an outside perspective you seem to be coping with it great, unfortunately as you said prior to this you are good at hiding it, if you want someone to ramble on at then I'm more than happy to be that person as i feel its very important to get it out.

You don't really realize its bad until afterwards too sadly, it's really good to hear how well you're doing regardless of how little I know you, keep working on yourself and what you want to do because that's what's important after all!

edit; Thanks for the welcome seems great so far, and happy to be here :p
 
megirl

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
5,953
Location
NZ
#15
I've been here a longtime now and with the support from many awesome people it has certainly helped me time and time again
And its always a pleasure to be able to support others as ableh
I was also working when we split but my boss was adding to my stress, and despite being on a psych ward she kept phoning and harassing me. Until I got rid of my phone by giving it to the nurses then they dealt with her
So I left that job, being on a benefits ok and also gave me breathing space
Pretty much 2019 is a new start for me
:D
Pleased to meet you x
 
erostom

erostom

Member
Joined
Feb 10, 2019
Messages
7
Location
England
#16
It's great to have people around that understand how things can be, for the most part my friends try to get it, to their credit, but its just different if you haven't been there.
It's wonderful to hear that you're seeing it as a new start, honestly, it's so refreshing to have people with similar situations as such and being able to gather inspiration from the strength people show, thank you and the pleasure is most definitely all mine :)