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Good relationship but still need time alone :(

TulipIceCream

TulipIceCream

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 5, 2019
Messages
278
Location
On The Train
I have been in many abusive relationships. I was just officially divorced from my second husband about 5 months ago and separated a year ago. My first marriage was abusive and so were two boyfriends :( It's depressing my history. :( I have finally met a kind and loving man. I have my own apartment but I have been staying with him most of the time and sometimes all of the time. I have been doing all the cooking and chores in his house. Laundry, picking up dry cleaning, shopping, changing sheets, dusting, throwing garbage, everything!

He says he wants to marry me but hasn't given me a ring or anything :( He says we will get married next year when he pays down some bills. I believe him and I love him, I do.

I also want to be by myself. I have my own apartment and i want to stay here by myself without him for awhile but I also don't want him to go away or hurt him. I don't know how to be in a good relationship or any relationship. Any problems we have had stem from me and my issues really. I will get insecure all of a sudden. I am so used to being berated that little things i view as criticism from him really hurt me a lot when it's not really abuse but I feel like I have 3rd degree burns still from my past relationships. I haven't really had a break at all from relationships. I want a "break" or something but I don't want him to feel rejected. I really just need to have time to myself at some point in the week. I feel overwhelmed. He knows i have mental illness and supports me going to therapy and taking medications. It's such a blessing he is here and he loves me. BUt I want to be alone sometimes. I just need to be alone :(
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 30, 2010
Messages
5,044
Location
Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
That is a very valid need and instead of rushing in to take care of him, who presumably can take care of himself, remember that for right now: You are dating. I would suggest living at your own home and possibly spending weekends with him. I think he will respect your independence. and he may need some for himself too!
 
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