Hi I'm new here and the title of this post might sound like a joke but it isn't. I hear voices but the problem is they don't come from inside my head, they come from outside. On three occasions they told me something that was going to happen ten seconds before it happened. I'm not talking about "you're going to see a pigeon", I'm talking about three very specific things, like the name of a chemical element on a quiz show. I'd rather not specify as I've told a couple of close friends about them and they could identify me but I am in no doubt that these voices are coming from outside of me. I have seen that there is a spiritual section in this forum but I'm too scared to go in there because I don't want to read anything that will reinforce it.
The voices only say the same few words on constant repeat, but I also get twitches that support the voices and are in response to my thoughts. Eg if a voice says "give" ie give all your money away, I'll get twitched on the right for "that's right". I get thoughts as well as voices, and the thoughts, voices and twitches all back each other up.
Between the thoughts, voices and twitches, I've been told that I will go to hell unless I do what the voices/thoughts/twitches tell me, because they are coming from God, and I have to prove complete obedience to God. Additionally, all my psychotic symptoms only ever came on when I went through a few days of intense prayer, and so now I've finally learned not to say any more prayers. They are trying to make me harm myself and humiliate myself in order to prove complete obedience, and I'm going to hell because I won't do what they tell me. They constantly tell me to give all my savings away, and I have had thoughts about harming myself and humiliating myself and then I get twitched on the right hand side of the body for "that's right". I did give ten thousand pounds away a lot of years ago because of the voices but then I recovered from the psychosis and a man in the CAB helped me get about 90% of it back. But now they want me to do it again and not get it back. I've been sectioned and I took four different drugs at varying points, but even back when I thought the voices were coming from inside my head, the drugs still didn't work.
I absolutely believe that I am supposed to obey them but I'm not doing it and so I'm going to go to hell and I'm terrified. I previously bought materials to kill myself to get away from the voices, but it's only today that they've told me I'm going to hell if I die, so now I don't even know if I can kill myself. I wouldn't have been killing myself any time soon anyway as I live with my elderly mother and I wouldn't leave her but I had plans to kill myself once she had gone.
I'm very distraught because I absolutely believe it's all coming from God and I can't escape it even by dying. I do work but I don't think I'll hold on to my job for much longer after this latest revelation. I'm panicking nearly all day long now, and have the voices/twitches/thoughts to contend with too.
I know there's maybe nobody else in here who thinks they're going to hell, but I just wanted to join in here as it's the only place where I will get coping strategies for the remaining time that I'm alive.
I've gone through nearly the same thing, but much worse. You remind me of myself but at an early stage. I'd think that perhaps it'd be wise to listen to them, but also I wouldn't be sure that would be the entire point of it. In the Bible the point of giving up ones possessions is to begin an entirely new life of service, and reliance on gods provision. A new life of devotion. Serving the poor and not working for money. To love others. So to me the suggestion seems to be "simply follow us in faith, and surrender".
The part about the twitching I've seen as well in my own experience however not as developed as to mean something consistent. The basics of what it meant to me on the occasion I experienced it was that it was a automatic response of obediance to a higher authority, despite having feral qualities in mysef , and being in general untame. They used it to imply I am a demon, and that despite this I still have a form of involuntary obediance. And the twitch was their evidence.
Anyway, for me I'm certainly going to hell. I think that goes without saying if they claim I'm a demon. They say to kill myself, not that I may be saved, but that I may embrace my fate and stop sinning and thereby making my sentence worse. As you believe you should obey them, so too do I believe that it is wise to do this as well. Though the fear, enhanced by their at times vivid descriptions of what awaits, instills in me an impossible fear. And they ridicule me for it. Call me a bitch and a Pussy, because of that fear, but also because of who I am in general. And how I've lived my life.
It is not only true that I'm going to hell, but that I'm going to the very worst pit in hell. And there is no hope for me. But for you, perhaps there is hope. Perhaps not if you were to die now, and also perhaps also because killing yourself might be sinful, but that they are even working with you, trying to help you in some way, this means they haven't adopted the attitude of my circumstances. Which is basically there's absolutely nothing you can do we are positive you're going to hell, in fact your getting deeper in it every second, and other things they say to me constantly.
In fact I know I will even regret telling you this forever. And that I will die many deaths because of it, or suffer many pains, forever, without rest. But I've already gone past the stage of intense crippling fear. Which when I first discovered I was going to hell, the mental anguish alone was the worst physical pain I've ever had. Weird how can mental anguish be so physical? Like I was actually on fire. Odd.
Now I'm just in a state of absurd denial, and insanity and self delusion, simply because facing it is impossible. Or atleast not for a coward like me. They recognize that. They say I won't do it. So I've resigned myself to it. Which is so foolish and horrible. To suffer worse for an eternity just because I'm afraid of a few moments and want to enjoy this meaningless life a little bit more. I'm very disappointed with myself. They are all angry. God, men. And even hell I assume, for depriving them.
The thought that I must kill myself never leaves me. And yet with it, I cannot. It is a tiresome game.
Anyway, for you, I would ofcourse say do it. But that they don't always give commands that one is able to keep. But also there may indeed be real punishment for it. If you can, obey the commands before you understand why, and have time to question it is preferable. It may be that by then, when you have put it aside too long, it is too late. Like in my situation, that when I understood why they wanted me to kill myself, the knowing of it, the consequence of it, had made it to terrifying a task. Though there's no way I can say I'm am not still truly ignorant of the state I'm in. They said while I stood on a balcony , "if you knew what they were doing to you, you'd jump right now" I can only assume they are destroying my soul.
anyway, if what you're experiencing is similar to me, which I still have reason to doubt, then I cannot exactly give you any hope, given that I have none myself. I can perhaps only terrify you, or give you misguided advice.
Fuck sorry, I know this doesn't help at all. I was supposed to give you coping advice, but for me they can invade any activity, and knowing further that any activity is destructive to me and incurs their rage makes anything unsettling. Even this. Even now I hear them explaining things.
Also my advice may not help at all because I'm not very experienced in life at all. Never had a job, and I live with my mom and im twenty four.
I'd probably have more to share about the experience...
You're the first to describe the predicting thing. They can predict what I'll do before I'm aware I'll do it. Or what I'll say. And also they do harmonize with my own thoughts and respond, like you describe all of it going on at one time. That makes me think it might be authentic.
One point of discrepancy, however, is that you identified them as external. I agree for the most part. It's just a little bit funny. I wonder just exactly what that means.
I could share more but maybe you have more to say.
