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Going out alone

D

Dreamer818

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2015
Messages
91
Location
England
I suffer from Social Anxiety and going out on my own is really difficult. I can go to certain familiar places on my own, at the time of day when I know it's not going to be busy, but if I need to go somewhere unfamiliar or even somewhere familiar but during a busy time I need someone with me.

How can I overcome this fear?

Has anyone here experienced the same problem and how did you overcome it?
 
BrianHorlicks

BrianHorlicks

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 14, 2015
Messages
3,942
Location
England
I used worry what people thought of me,
And didn't like speaking in public,
I also don't like how i sound,
And kept myself to myself,
But,
People would make stories up about me,
Stuff i haven't done,
So,
I turned it around,
I started speaking out,
I went out of my way to know people,
I learnt not to worry about what people thought,
I made people know me,
If they didn't like me,
Its not my problem.

Start small,
Then keep pushing yourself,
Only you know when you are ready.
don't let fear control you,
Remove the fear.
 
tabbykitten

tabbykitten

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Joined
Nov 10, 2013
Messages
4,430
Location
cloud cuckoo land (UK)
I’m alone too - a widow - and find travelling and socialising especially hard.
I am learning to cope and can now travel around by train and across London without any help. I do still get nervous but have decided to keep going anyway as I can have panic attacks just in the house when I am not under any pressure.
The trick in my case has been to write down every single aspect of the journey before hand. Time I need to leave the house, time of bus, time of train, carriage and seat number. VERY precise directions about each stage of the journey - get off train, turn left to ticket barrier, turn left to station exit etc. And I tick off each stage when it is managed.
It is more a case of managing the fear rather than overcoming it. And it can go wrong. On my last trip the train station was having some reconstruction work done and I ended up at an exit I didn’t recognise - in the dark!!!! Happened over a week ago and I am only just recovering.
The other thing that helps, if you have a mobile phone, have some support back up from an understanding friend or relative who can talk you through the situation if things do come totally unstuck.
 
confusedwanderwaffle

confusedwanderwaffle

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Joined
Apr 10, 2015
Messages
166
Location
101010101110
I briefly skimmed over your text.

I can relate rather well to this because me and my brother are pretty similar. I do not think you specified the root to your anxiety but Anyway assuming we're on the same page one thing you can possibly change is your perspective on things, try remember that your situation is their situation, in other words do you care/judge others when you go out? no and some people that you see are probably somewhat socially awkward themselves. Remember other people aren't out there to judge you they're busy doing their own thing. Relax and have fun.

Hope this helps
 
D

Dreamer818

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2015
Messages
91
Location
England
Thanks for the replies everyone.

The biggest reason I'm afraid to go out alone is that I'm worried I'm going to be physically or verbally attacked by one person, or worse a group of people. I'm scared for my safety, but I'm alright when another person is out with me.

I really want to overcome this fear. I'm sick of having to rely on people just so I can go out. I'm tired of being a burden on my family.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
It might sound a bit wacky or out there, but if you do have a fear of being attacked, have you considered self-defence classes? It might not be your cup of tea and that's ok, it's just a thought.
There are things you can legally do to ensure that you are safe when you go out and about.
I'm wondering what kind of an area you live in? It's not that i'm trying to belittle your fears at all, I just personally think there are different risks living in an urban vs. living in a rural area.

I used to fear going out on my own a lot but got a bit better by starting small - being somewhere very safe (Library reading groups helped me a lot). It helped me slowly increase my confidence in being in public.

It can and does get better though. I used to only ever go to the supermarket with my parents and would freak out if they didn't stay in the same aisle as me.. I never thought that would change, but my anxiety in that sense has got a lot better.
It's definitely do-able. :hug1:
 
BrianHorlicks

BrianHorlicks

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 14, 2015
Messages
3,942
Location
England
Thanks for the replies everyone.

The biggest reason I'm afraid to go out alone is that I'm worried I'm going to be physically or verbally attacked by one person, or worse a group of people. I'm scared for my safety, but I'm alright when another person is out with me.

I really want to overcome this fear. I'm sick of having to rely on people just so I can go out. I'm tired of being a burden on my family.
You will!
Give it time,
Say to yourself,
"I AM, I CAN!",
and when you do what you think is really great,
Be happy,
Feel it,
Intensify the feeling,
replace this feeling with the one of fear,
And you can do anything!

Even actors before they go on stage get scared!
Even if they've done it for years!

Keep it up,
You'll get there!
 
D

Dreamer818

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2015
Messages
91
Location
England
Thanks everyone.

I don't live in a particularly dangerous area, but when I'm out on my own, everyone feels like a threat to me, especially younger people in groups.

I have been trying to go out a bit more on my own, but I always feel like I need to get home before it gets busy. I can't imagine ever being able to go out alone in the evenings or on the weekends, but I will keep trying, I really want to overcome this.
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

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Oct 21, 2013
Messages
4,585
Location
On a comet
Good for you Dreamer :) keep at it and take it at your own pace. Slowly but surely.
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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Joined
Oct 30, 2010
Messages
5,065
Location
Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
I have problems with this too. I am not shoving myself into anything BIG, just little by little....gradual exposure.

Yesterday I felt too nervous to go to our neighbor's & ask to use a worksheet we have been working on together, so my partner went with me.
I had some anxiety after, so I took a nap and asked David to return the paper for me. (took a chill pill)

Today she was at my home then I followed her home and felt comfortable until her husband came home.

I used to be brave and fearless and loved adventures and meeting people; it's hard to understand what has happened to me.

I have made progress. I am comfortable in the grocery store and the home improvements store now.

Best wishes!
 
J

Jamie29

Member
Joined
May 18, 2015
Messages
22
Location
Liverpool, UK
Send defence classes sound like a really good idea. I'm going to look into this myself :)
 
FeelingShred

FeelingShred

New member
Joined
Sep 8, 2016
Messages
3
Location
Previously, Brazil. Currently, Mexico. Tomorrow, I
I've been through the same. This other user summed it up quite brilliantly:

I used to be brave and fearless and loved adventures and meeting people; it's hard to understand what has happened to me.
Every time I have to go out to the street it's a pain in the ass, even though once I'm out I feel much better usually, it's just that moment when you have to dress up and unlock the door. Weird stuff...
Another funny thing that I notice is this, maybe someone feel the same: let's suppose I go to a place today, meet some cool people, everything is perfect, I go back home, I'm feeling invincible. The next day when I wake up it's like my brain goes back to the previous state, it sort of reset. So I have to go through this shit all over again, it's a pain in the ass!
Is there a way to hack this mechanism and make this new euphoria-state permanent or at least stable?
All of this started to grow back after I worked freelancing from home for a year, basically being isolated from everything.
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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Nov 23, 2015
Messages
17,161
I used to have it and overcame it by realising that Other People are worried about their divorce/dinner/boss and barely notice me let alone care.

Good luck!
 
FeelingShred

FeelingShred

New member
Joined
Sep 8, 2016
Messages
3
Location
Previously, Brazil. Currently, Mexico. Tomorrow, I
Yeah, I figured this out too, but in the next day it comes back full strenght again, like if the brain lost ability to adapt or something. I was just rambling in hope others also feel this aspect of it, so it must be "normal".
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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Joined
Nov 23, 2015
Messages
17,161
Yeah, I figured this out too, but in the next day it comes back full strenght again, like if the brain lost ability to adapt or something. I was just rambling in hope others also feel this aspect of it, so it must be "normal".
Its very common.

Hard to cope with.

Anxiety is a Bitch but honestly if you managed to sit quietly say in the Mall you will actually know how few people even glance at you let alone Judge you.

Also a good 50% of the world needs glasses, won't wear em, so probably can't see you anyway!

Just realise every one has Some imperfection and few are in a position to Judge or even want to

I go everywhere alone, its so much easier to be independent.

Xxx keep at it. Think logically not emotionally and you can beat this.
 
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