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Going out alone - Should I do it?

B

BurningPassion

Active member
Joined
Feb 26, 2009
Messages
25
Location
England, Midlands
I recently went to a club with a friend. We have been to lots over the years. We are into a particular genre of music so we go to underground alternative music clubs which are not mainstream, but perfectly sound/safe places by all means.

However, it had been a tough week, my friend was feeling groggy, irritable, we both we're, we were just complaining about things all night, we didn't fall out, we're often like it, because we been doing it so long, we are kinda grumpy old men lol (but tbh we're mid twenties). But it does kind put a damp cloth on things.

There is another event coming soon. My friend has got other things to do and can't make it. However, i'm tempted to go it alone, mainly because I just want a good dance and to let some steam off. Also, if my friend isn't there, I wont have to stick with anyone, I can just go where I want when I want and talk to who I feel comfortable with. Also I kinda feel he is more the source of negativity than me. Of course I would tell my friend i'm going and keep an invitation for him to come if his plans change, but secretly inside, I would prefer to go by myself just because i'm curious as to what it would be like.

Also i'm kinda looking at it as a personal experiment to try and discover how confident I am in a situation where i haven't got backup. How many people could I strike up a conversation with? If I feel uncomfortable, i'll just disappear into the dance floor and bust a groove.

I won't be intoxicating myself to the point of losing control and not being aware of my surroundings, if I had more group support, perhaps I may be inclined to though lol.

Bottom line is, i kinda want to try it to I suppose discover more about myself.

One of my main insecurities is worrying what other people think of me, I know its all in my head, i just need fight it. If i do it I may absolutely love it and do it again. The other ending would be me running out in a paranoid wreck, which i've also done before, even with friends about. Its this ending I want to prevent.

Am I crazy in thinking like this? Should I just stay at home and watch TV on a Saturday night or should I brave it and see it as a life experience?
 
T

trainwreck

Guest
give it a go as long as you feel safe , if you you dont feel comfortable leave its a easy choise.just dont get to pissed an make a nob of yourself an you will be ok , watch who you make friends with as not everybodies cool.you can watch the tv any night.:cool::cool::cool::cool::cool::cool:
 
D

Dollit

Guest
If you feel safe and want to do it then do it. I'm a woman but I used to go out by myself all the time when I was younger - clubs, gigs etc. I've met some of my closest friends like that.
 
S

saffron

Guest
yes do it you will be surprised and it will open you up to new people, but I also think you should be honest with your friend and say that sometime he can really bring you down when you are trying to relax. if you are both as bad as each other then someone has to make the decision and change behaviour to a more upbeat one, make a pact that for a night you go out neither of you are to talk about anything negative.
good luck and enjoy yourself, life is too short.
S
 
N

northern

Guest
I suppose it comes down to your age and forum you are in! If you feel when you go out with your friend/s, you feel more down than happy then maybe it's a matter of wrong friend for the wrong venue etc?

Not all of my friend/s like what I do! and Visa Versa!

I personally would not go into a pub scene or dico nights as nowdays I feel I am their 'Grandmother' or though I love anything that is from 'Nickleback' even my son of 28 years can't understand it, yet I am happy to listen too and play endlessly, it's the noise and lights, that ones experinces at the venue, that would unsettle me alot.

Not to mention the aggressive behavior on my part, should I be confronted by others in such a place.

I certainly would considered an event that I felt wasn't scary to me as a single person attending as my husband doesn't always like what I do eg: a meditation group, an arts event, a local Playhouse Production etc......

Even taking myself out for the day and enjoying a cup of 'Cino' sometimes makes me feel normal.

You should do what makes you feel good even if it's only for a day or night....

Tommorrow might be a bitch and you know it!
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
I don't like going out 'any' more. I prefer meeting up for a coffee & chat with a friend, cooking a meal for a few people, watching a film, sat in on the computer & listening to the radio sometimes.

I no longer drink or take drugs; I don't want to be around a load of people getting pissed. I am forever watching my back when I'm out as well. I know how easily trouble can start.
 
B

BurningPassion

Active member
Joined
Feb 26, 2009
Messages
25
Location
England, Midlands
Well I done it. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I mainly went with the attitude of, i'm going to listen to some music I like'. I did make a bit of conversation with people when having a cigarette break but in the main room, the music was too loud to speak to anyone really. I guess it must be harder for people who don smoke (which I didn't until 2 weeks ago when I got stressed from work).

I did feel a bit awkward sometimes which I expected. Kinda felt like a bit of a loner, then I just went for a dance by myself and that changed it all because I felt nobody cared where I was from or who I was. It was the feeling of being anonymous that I liked and felt comfortable with at the time.

I did spend some of the night observing people and groups. Also there we're a few bigots in the toilet hanging about up to no good (drugs etc) but I just never made eye contact with people like that, they probably didn't even notice me :)

I noticed I was also getting a lot more glances than usual from the more opposite sex but I wasn't feeling confident enough to even go into that department, that's a whole other issue......

Strangely but I guess not unexpectedly, I noticed other people who were there by themselves without company, they we're really noticeable so I was wondering I came across as that obvious but then thought maybe it was because I was specifically looking for other people by themselves to see if I wasnt the only one. But I came to the conclusion that those other people had their own stories behind them as to why they were there, much like me.

I may do it again but not for a while, I think i'll let this experience sink in. My friend who I usually go with is going through a rough patch at the moment (made redundant and family issues) so I guess I'll need to make the move to start bringing a bit of positive mood back into these nights.
 
D

Dollit

Guest
Well done - it's a great experience when having wanted to do something you do it under your own steam and come out feeling good about it.
 
S

saffron

Guest
thats fantastic for you, a real acheivement and yhou should be very proud that you took the plunge and tried it. many people go out on their own for many reasons, if nothing else just to get to meet new people. Im glad you had fun.
take care
S
 
scottsblue

scottsblue

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2008
Messages
1,902
Location
England
i went to the pub on my own yesterday, it was kinda borein cept a few games of pool and a mcdonalds i toulk home.:D
 
L

Lionheart

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Feb 29, 2008
Messages
305
Location
Haslingden, Rossendale, Lancashire.
I don't really go out on my own to a pub or anything on my own now. I did use to but I cannot seem to do it anymore ever since being threatend at a club and having people pull my hair and beat me, but that is another story. I have missed alot of my youth because of this experience. Now I always say yes to anybody who wants me to go out with them, because I know I really don't want to have anxiety issues. :(
 
M

mudslides

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2009
Messages
47
go by yourself! i used to do this in my teens all the time. just dont get wasted. i know you said you wouldnt.... but mean it!
 
Topaz

Topaz

Active member
Joined
Apr 8, 2009
Messages
29
Glad you had a good time BurningPassion :)
 

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