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going on 5 years of getting my shit together for real this time.

S

stephy k

Member
Joined
Mar 13, 2021
Messages
19
Location
Melbourne, Australia
im 37 female. im in remission from BPD and panic disorder. I have been misdiagnosed in the past with BP2 and ptsd. I currently endure major anxiety and clinical depression. im not an asshole anymore so why do I have no friends? my story is long and twisted. few little things --brother killed himself 10 years ago at age of 17 our childhood was traumatic. I have 2 daughters I gave up 9 years ago( to their dads /2 diff dads) the eldest hates me hasn't spoken to me in 6 years my youngest and I have a wonderful relationship. I managed a sex shop for 4 years and was once a receptionist at a brothel. I have tattoos and an undercut cos I can't have purple hair at new job, and I've been arrested and charged but not convicted. ive had orgys I have ridden on motorcycles with no shoes ive been to places I never knew existed and when I got there I walked in fukd shit up and walked out. I have had more money pass through my hands than people will see in a lifetime. I was an asshole who was never lonely always someone with me. Now im not that crazy asshole anymore I have no friends. weird that. I used to be the loudest in the room, now im lucky if I get noticed in any room. I got hit by a car too. been in 4 car accidents and my foot got chewed up in a dirt bike once. I was a crazy asshole everyone wanted to be around. now im a good decent person living clean and ive never been so lonely in my life.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
8,613
Location
Nashua NH
Hi Stephy, welcome to the forums. Wow, you sure have had quite a few wild life experiences. You are lucky that you have made it this far I think. How does it feel to be living a reformed life? You mentioned that you are lonely but do your feel positive about having made the change in lifestyle? Are you noticing any benefits to be leading a healthier, lower key life? xo, j
 
S

stephy k

Member
Joined
Mar 13, 2021
Messages
19
Location
Melbourne, Australia
hi! Thanks for replying! I love how I am now, im a much more empathic person who understands finally that my actions affect other people, the world no longer revolves around me! wow I don't even recognise the person I once was. I would never go back. im just not used to not having any friends that are attached to my hip. ive never spent so much time alone. although lonely I think this is part of my recovery. I need to learn how to make new healthier friendships. that's why im here I just wanna lay it all out there and see what happens. :)
 
tabris

tabris

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 13, 2021
Messages
169
Location
United States
Hello and welcome! You sure have been through a lot in life. We are here to be your support if you feel as if you don't have enough. It's good that you've been able to reflect and make progress. Hope you enjoy your time here :)
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
6,084
Location
Canada
I'm curious what sort of friends you had back then. Probably not the sort you'd want much to do with anymore.
 
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