Going crazy... I know I'm not the only one?!

[Sendy23]

HI there,

I'm new here and I thought I'd write a little just to see where this can go.

So I currently started going therapy (about 3 months ago) and slowly discovered that I might have BPD.
I am still waiting to be referred to a psychiatrist (NHS) and it's making me go crazy.
I used to smoke weed to help myself and it was working but things can get a little crazy so I stopped. I am finding it hard to do anything and not have a breakdown or aggressive outbursts at work... on the way to work... at home.
I can't even sleep properly anymore, I keep on having night sweats, nightmare or just wake up for no reason.
My life just turned up side down and there's so many issues in my head I lose count (which makes me even more irritated), I feel like I don't know anything anymore and everyday I wake up I start all over again; al my work goes out the window.

This is affecting me in every way, with every relationship (not that I have many)
I am so tired and idk if I am ever going to be ok, to be honest I am really starting to lose hope.

I would like to write down everything but I don't even know where to start from.
I was wondering if anyone actually got better with therapy, and if yes, then how does it feel? How much better can you get? Also wondering what medicine works best, was wondering if anyone could tell me what they were prescribed and if you could rate it?

Many Thanks!!

 

[blacksmoke]

hello and welcome sendy23

 

[EstherRose94]

Hi Sendy23!

You can totally start feeling better. I don’t have a formal diagnosis of BPD, I have anxiety with BPD-like traits. I started therapy and Zoloft about 7 months ago. I’m feeling much more stable and in control now. I understand the frustration though! Whenever I have a minor setback I get upset because I just want to like be 100% and know I’ll stay that way. I think with time I’ll get closer to that.

Patience is key and I’m really impatient lol. But please don’t give up hope. You can do it. It might suck right now but once you’re on the other side you’ll be really proud of yourself and we’ll be proud of you too!

 

[Girl interupted]

What medication are you taking? I had night sweats and terrors on pristique.

 

[Lauriemarie1983]

Therapy has always helped me when I've been in it, it's having someone there to help rationalise your thoughts and see things a bit clearer and just having someone to listen can help so much xx

 

[Bunny7]

I’m diagnosed with bpd (over 20 years now!) and the medication that has worked best for me is a mix of sertraline and olanzapine with emergency diazepam for the really bad times. It’s not perfect but it’s the best I’ve ever been. I’ve never been able to tolerate therapy - freaks me out - so I just make do.

 

[EstherRose94]

Aw I’m sorry that therapy freaks you out I understand though. Even though it’s helped me I still find myself doing the “i don’t want to go...you HAVE to go” thing with myself each week. Thankfully his office is like a block from my apartment so it’s kinda hard to justify not getting there lol. I still wind up a consistent five minutes late most times lol. And I’m just like “yeah hey just hit the red light but I’m great”

 

[Sendy23]

Aw I’m sorry that therapy freaks you out I understand though. Even though it’s helped me I still find myself doing the “i don’t want to go...you HAVE to go” thing with myself each week. Thankfully his office is like a block from my apartment so it’s kinda hard to justify not getting there lol. I still wind up a consistent five minutes late most times lol. And I’m just like “yeah hey just hit the red light but I’m great”

Yeah I feel like if I wouldn't be out of the house already I wouldn't go or I'd be late too, but for me it's more like, It's not helping me because I keep on feeling worse.

 

[Sendy23]

I’m diagnosed with bpd (over 20 years now!) and the medication that has worked best for me is a mix of sertraline and olanzapine with emergency diazepam for the really bad times. It’s not perfect but it’s the best I’ve ever been. I’ve never been able to tolerate therapy - freaks me out - so I just make do.

Well atm my doc prescribed me Mirtazapine and Propranolol. I feel like it hardly helps. Why does it freak you out? I guess I'm not doing it right cause I just touch on subjects and move on, I feel like I'm being fake

 

[Sendy23]

Hi Sendy23!

You can totally start feeling better. I don’t have a formal diagnosis of BPD, I have anxiety with BPD-like traits. I started therapy and Zoloft about 7 months ago. I’m feeling much more stable and in control now. I understand the frustration though! Whenever I have a minor setback I get upset because I just want to like be 100% and know I’ll stay that way. I think with time I’ll get closer to that.

Patience is key and I’m really impatient lol. But please don’t give up hope. You can do it. It might suck right now but once you’re on the other side you’ll be really proud of yourself and we’ll be proud of you too!

I think with me it will take forever to be on the other side and I have setbacks like everytime I sleep and wake up, it's like every progress gets deleted.

 

[Sendy23]

hello and welcome sendy23

Heyy, thanks ^^

 

[Sendy23]

Therapy has always helped me when I've been in it, it's having someone there to help rationalise your thoughts and see things a bit clearer and just having someone to listen can help so much xx

That is true and it is helpful. But no one is there for me at night. Plus at therapy I feel like I'm not really doing anything myself, like I'm being fake and not really saying anything real. I am living in denial kin of, without wanting to

 

[Bunny7]

Therapy freaks me out coz it brings things into my head that I can’t speak of so then I go home and am in a worse state than ever and somehow have to get through the days alone. I prefer to sweep things under the carpet! I did ask my therapist how much improvement I would actually make if I stuck at it but she thought progress would only be slight. Weighing it all up, I decided not to continue.

 

[EstherRose94]

Therapy freaks me out coz it brings things into my head that I can’t speak of so then I go home and am in a worse state than ever and somehow have to get through the days alone. I prefer to sweep things under the carpet! I did ask my therapist how much improvement I would actually make if I stuck at it but she thought progress would only be slight. Weighing it all up, I decided not to continue.

I get that; I think that’s definitely a valid choice if it’s what works best for you! Sometimes I feel like I’m just dredging stuff up too.

 

[Girl interupted]

Therapy freaks me out coz it brings things into my head that I can’t speak of so then I go home and am in a worse state than ever and somehow have to get through the days alone. I prefer to sweep things under the carpet! I did ask my therapist how much improvement I would actually make if I stuck at it but she thought progress would only be slight. Weighing it all up, I decided not to continue.

I would encourage you to stick with it. It took me three years of going twice a week to even start to see some improvement. But I can absolutely say it has made a massive difference in my life.

If you continue to bury issues they will find a way to leak out, in anger, in emotional breakdown, or self harm.

Therapy is hard. It will leave you drained and angry and upset. That’s normal to feel that way. It’s an unfortunate part of the process. But by investing in yourself, saying that you are worth the hard work, it can help to stabilize and ultimately give you some peace.