Going bad

Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
436
Location
Netherlands
Feel so alone. So empty and useless.
I can only cry at the moment.

I'm scared of myself.. don't know what I'm doing.. making wrong choices.. want it to stop!!
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
1,250
Location
Nowhere
more very talented writing
you express yourself really well
not everyone can do that

:love::love::love:
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
436
Location
Netherlands
Today I decided that I would go on a snorkeling tour. We had done this at Koh Yao and it had been so good. We thought it would be a good idea to do it again.

We bought a ticket and were allowed to sit in the boat. In total there were 7 of us including the captain.

For the first stop we have to sail for 20 minutes. At first the waves seemed to be fine. Around 15 minutes the waves got higher and higher. After the previous sea story. I found it really scary with the high waves.

I had a panic attack but managed to keep myself calm. Until the captain suddenly makes an bad mistake. He overlooks a huge wave and we sail straight into it.

We had 2 seconds to catch our breath and grab something. I don't remember anything about the next minute. My brain has just completely lost that part.

I woke up on the boat floor and had a lot of pain in my arm, shoulder and leg.

Everyone was lying on the ground of the boat and was hurt except for my husband. 1 boy was hanging on 1 arm outside the boat. The wave lifted him of the boat. Really scary.

Then we had to start snorkeling. I went out at the first bay, because plankton sharks were swimming there, but I soon noticed that the impact of the blow had been that hard that it just hurt too much to swim.

I did see the sharks from the boat. After that we went to 2 more places. Here I haven't been in the water anymore. The water was very rough, the current very strong that I couldn't handle it.

My husband did swim because he was not injured. He told what he had seen. Secretly I'm a bit jealous, but it just couldn't be done.

Luckily we came back and didn't break anything. My arm, leg, shoulder and ribs are super blue, but it could have turned out very differently.

images (2).jpeg
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
1,250
Location
Nowhere
well yeah I'm glad you're alright , what an adventure !
im a little envious of your adventure
im not sure if I would try that one !
I remember the power of the waves pulling at me

youre so brave, and more awesome writing and pics

I think I will follow you if thats OK

:love::thanks:
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
436
Location
Netherlands
well yeah I'm glad you're alright , what an adventure !
im a little envious of your adventure
im not sure if I would try that one !
I remember the power of the waves pulling at me

youre so brave, and more awesome writing and pics

I think I will follow you if thats OK

:love::thanks:
I'm not that adventures 🤣 my husband helps me to do this kind of things and help me to lower the fear and anxiety I have. 😘

If I had to do it on my own I would never have traveled the world like I do now. I'm scared to drive, fly, sail and stuff haha

He brings the best out of me. He supports me. Sometimes I don't see that but when I look back..
He helps a lot is very Patient and strong.

Without him I was lying in bed all day.. to scared to come out. I still lay a lot in bed to rest but he makes sure I have something to life for and enjoy things. Even when I am down like the last few weeks. He is mentally really strong. I love him.
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
436
Location
Netherlands
And offcourse it's no problem if you follow this treat. 😉
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
436
Location
Netherlands
Everything hurts. I don't need SH. All the pain inside is visible outside. I didnt have to do it myself.. nature helpt me out. Thanks 2 meter high wave that crushed me against the boat.

The 1 minute i was out I felt so peacefully..
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
1,250
Location
Nowhere
thats brilliant you have a good partner !
very inspiring, I cant imagine it !

n yeah I find thrill seeking takes care of my pain as well
I dont do it very often
at least you have an instructor there

then we dont need to self harm

:love:
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
436
Location
Netherlands
Does anyone have this? When you wake up in the morning and you feel like it's going to be a really bad day..

I feel so irritated, angry and want to cry at the same time.. just so much agression..

Hope I won't do stupid shit today..
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
1,250
Location
Nowhere
yes I used to get that alot
and then I changed my social life and it improved

that doesnt apply to you
because nothing wrong with your social life

but might be something else needs to change

:love:
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
436
Location
Netherlands
yes I used to get that alot
and then I changed my social life and it improved

that doesnt apply to you
because nothing wrong with your social life

but might be something else needs to change

:love:
Yeah getting therapy 😅
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
1,250
Location
Nowhere
k well hopefully when you are back from holiday

:hug5:
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
436
Location
Netherlands
We have to do it with beache wifi. So if I post nothing for a long time it's because of that. Not because something is going terrible wrong.
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
436
Location
Netherlands
I'm going bad again. Evil thoughts in my mind.
Have to ... Feel so sick. Have a big ass fever and so does my husband. I hope I will not get the halusinations again..

Nightmares are beginning to show up. Fear is trying to sweep in. And anxiety has the crown.

Scared of going bad.. feel like I need my high.. want to self harm really bad
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
436
Location
Netherlands
My grandpa is in the hospital again. He has cancer in his longs and it is spreading to his brain.

The try to do something about it but my grandpa is like a mess. No energie left. So he is sleeping all day. My grandma can't take it anymore and is depressed like hell.. scared she will be alone soon..

I feel terrible for them and I feel angry at myself.
Not being able to step out of my bed. I'm only mentally sick.. there is nothing wrong with my legs..

He wants to walk so badly. Enjoy every minute and I lay in bed being fk depressed.. about what!
I don't even fucking know..

I'm sorry grandpa... I really am
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
436
Location
Netherlands
IMG_20190813_190521_756.jpg
(I recommend) Today I read the last pages of this book. I have cryed a river until the last page..

Some of the things where hitting me so hard. I don't know why. I think the lonely part was the part that smashed me in the face..

1,5 days - 276 pages - in English - with dyslexia
I'm proud of myself. It fell good to cry shit out..

it took me way to long.
 

Similar threads


Top