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Going back to work, causing me to panic

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skylark200

Member
Joined
Apr 17, 2020
Messages
14
Location
Germany
Hey everyone!

I've already talked about my work situation in another thread but here's the gist:

- started a 3 year university degree that's split between work and uni
- 4 months of work, then 4 months of uni, then work again etc.
- I live with my parents but need to get apartments for both work and uni, since they're in different towns
- i already almost finished a degree, did my bachelor thesis and everything then failed an exam for the third time, which meant I failed my degree

In January I was meant to go back to uni, was looking forward to it and had an apartment and everything, started getting nervous towards the end of the year leading to my first full blown panic attack right before new years. I couldn't eat or sleep for a week, being paralyzed with fear 24/7.
I went to my apartment for two days, hoping things would calm down. My mum stayed with me the first night, the second one I was alone. Both were awful.

I was planning on taking a week or two off uni to get back on track but i ended up being home for the whole 4 months.

I'm meant to start back at work on may 4th and a few weeks ago I had a bad panic attack again. I've been feeling horrible ever since, waking up and immediately feeling fear and anxiety crashing over me, not leaving all day.

I'm scared I won't be able to get back to work. I'm scared of being a failure. I'm worried because they put a lot of thought into how I can continue after missing a whole trimester of uni and I'm scared it'll all be for nothing. I can't continue to live my days like this, it turned me from a happy person into a shell of what I used to be. Even if I get through the 4 months of work, I'll have to go back to uni then which is even further away from my parents. It all seems so impossible right now and it's crushing me. I wanna quit everything sometimes.

My job is very understanding and my family is supportive as well, i just can't get myself to accept that if I can't do it, it's not because I'm lazy or wanna avoid stuff. I'm scared I'll never be able to do what I used to do again. My separation anxiety makes moving hell and having to do it 3x a year has turned out to be a nightmare.

Should I ask my GP for stronger meds to get through the first weeks? I'm really at my wits end right now.
 
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natalie

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 1, 2014
Messages
14,085
I think you do need to go back to your GP, not for strong med, maybe for a stronger dose, sounds to me as if you need to have your doseage of your current medication increased. Provided this is for anxiety medication? I have a feeling that you do need to have anxiety medication written up, and at a strong dose.
 
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skylark200

Member
Joined
Apr 17, 2020
Messages
14
Location
Germany
Thank you for the advice natalie!

I take fluoxetine in the mornings (idk if it's 20 or 40mg) and trazodone in the evening. I only take 25mg of trazodone which seems like a fairly low dose from what I've read online so I feel like a higher dosage of trazodone might help. I also stopped taking it for a few weeks because I was feeling better but I think it was a little premature (asked my psychiatrist before I did it of course)
 
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