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God please help me. .

soulsearcher

soulsearcher

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Dec 19, 2016
Messages
4,194
I'm in the same situation as you (though I'm not in touch with my parents at all) and I can tell you that it's much more important how you think about yourself than your mum's opinion about you.
Most women can give birth to a child but it takes a real mother to love their child and to want the best for them.

Your mum says that you're a mistake. Well, say that falling pregnant with you wasn't planned (was a mistake, if you like) that still doesn't make you a mistake.
Your mum sounds cruel and toxic and I wonder why she felt the need to hurt you like that?
Yea that is very true and im starting to learn this

She claims she said it out of anger....

When it comes to her bad attitude, words or actions, she always comes up with an excuses, it's very toxic actually
 
soulsearcher

soulsearcher

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Dec 19, 2016
Messages
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@soulsearcher Here's a fantastic book that will help you make sense of her and her behaviour. It's called:
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents. - Lindsay C Gibson

It will make you realize that the problem is not you, it's her. She likes you to think that you are but that's because she's either cruel or emotionally immature.

It was a revelation to read the book, speaking for myself, and I hope that it can do the same for you. :flowers:
Sounds interesting, where is this book available?
 
E

English Electric

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Sep 26, 2021
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57
Location
Uk
No expert in this arena however your mother's words say a lot more about her than they do about you. That sounds like a simplistic platitude but just think about the place YOU would need to be in to say something like that to someone...anyone.

As an aside, the whole planned pregnancy thing is one of those ideals that have been inflated beyond reason by professional mums...those types who think not breast feeding even if physically impossible is a sin. Its a disney view of parenthood. The young couple painting the nursery in readiness for the new arrival is our collective vision of how it should be...until we realise its just a dulux advert.

I dont want to make light of your pain here mate. Its a truly sh"""ty thing to say. You dont deserve to have that said to you.
 
B

Berntist

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Nov 15, 2021
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130
Location
west yorkshire
Not really, feel much worse if anything tbh
Hi really sorry you are feeling this way i wish i could make you better i know how you are feeling and wish i could take your pain away i hope you have a better day tomorrow
 
soulsearcher

soulsearcher

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Joined
Dec 19, 2016
Messages
4,194
No expert in this arena however your mother's words say a lot more about her than they do about you. That sounds like a simplistic platitude but just think about the place YOU would need to be in to say something like that to someone...anyone.

As an aside, the whole planned pregnancy thing is one of those ideals that have been inflated beyond reason by professional mums...those types who think not breast feeding even if physically impossible is a sin. Its a disney view of parenthood. The young couple painting the nursery in readiness for the new arrival is our collective vision of how it should be...until we realise its just a dulux advert.

I dont want to make light of your pain here mate. Its a truly sh"""ty thing to say. You dont deserve to have that said to you.
yea its flippin crazy to think you can call your child a mistake and think no damage will be done like its just anything lightly said off the tip of the tongue, f**king mind boggling tbh
 
soulsearcher

soulsearcher

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Messages
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Hi really sorry you are feeling this way i wish i could make you better i know how you are feeling and wish i could take your pain away i hope you have a better day tomorrow
i wish i could too

i miss my dad sooo much, he passed away when i was a young child, sometimes i wonder if he was still alive, what if this, what if that but reality is i will never know how it wouldve really turned out?
 
Novastars

Novastars

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Jul 9, 2021
Messages
796
Location
Scotland
Sounds interesting, where is this book available?
Hiya, apologies for the late response, I haven't been on the forum for a few days. I bought the book from an online bookshop in the UK. I don't know where in the world you are so I hope that this helps. I hope you're doing well.
 
soulsearcher

soulsearcher

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Hiya, apologies for the late response, I haven't been on the forum for a few days. I bought the book from an online bookshop in the UK. I don't know where in the world you are so I hope that this helps. I hope you're doing well.
I'll search online if I remember many thanks
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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Jun 13, 2016
Messages
2,422
I love wholeheartedly, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I ain't into mind games and sh*t I want well for others, seeing others be happy makes me happy, I just don't f**king get it
Fine qualities, they speak volumes about you. :) One remark seems to have almost destroyed you though which I can totally get. Overcome that though, rising above it and seeing it for that person's personal limitations will make you much stronger, maturer and raise you head and shoulders above where you are right now... If you look up nurturing, the qualities needed and the results that can be achieved from a solid nurturing environment it might give a little understanding where certain limitations lie... Where one person has failed another can achieve... I think it's also fair to say many say things they regret later. I have faith too and I believe everyone's existence has purpose and meaning, wouldn't you agree? You mentioned being asked where you are at right now regarding Mentally, Physically and Spiritually. I'm interested and so I'm asking you those questions. One of the reasons I ask is because I think there is more to your hurting right now than you are sharing :hug: and because like you, I also care. Hope this helps. :)
 
soulsearcher

soulsearcher

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 19, 2016
Messages
4,194
Fine qualities, they speak volumes about you. :) One remark seems to have almost destroyed you though which I can totally get. Overcome that though, rising above it and seeing it for that person's personal limitations will make you much stronger, maturer and raise you head and shoulders above where you are right now... If you look up nurturing, the qualities needed and the results that can be achieved from a solid nurturing environment it might give a little understanding where certain limitations lie... Where one person has failed another can achieve... I think it's also fair to say many say things they regret later. I have faith too and I believe everyone's existence has purpose and meaning, wouldn't you agree? You mentioned being asked where you are at right now regarding Mentally, Physically and Spiritually. I'm interested and so I'm asking you those questions. One of the reasons I ask is because I think there is more to your hurting right now than you are sharing :hug: and because like you, I also care. Hope this helps. :)
Thanks for such a caring post my friend

tbh I'm just crippled, spiritually, emotionally, physically you name it

I'm exhausted of fighting the demons everyday etc

I thought to myself maybe I should try listening to relaxing sounds on youtube,
so yea just listening but not sure what to listen to exactly, like waterfalls, rain, ocean waves etc etc
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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Jun 13, 2016
Messages
2,422
Thanks for such a caring post my friend

tbh I'm just crippled, spiritually, emotionally, physically you name it

I'm exhausted of fighting the demons everyday etc

I thought to myself maybe I should try listening to relaxing sounds on youtube,
so yea just listening but not sure what to listen to exactly, like waterfalls, rain, ocean waves etc etc
I think most people have objectives in life... Some want excitement, others calmness, some might want to learn more about things that inspire/interest them... Whatever the desired outcome finding a way to achieve that has got to be a path to contentment, happiness etc. This might involve looking beyond daily annoyances, struggles etc. If it leads to a quality of life it's got to be progress right? Hope this helps. :)
 
soulsearcher

soulsearcher

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Joined
Dec 19, 2016
Messages
4,194
I think most people have objectives in life... Some want excitement, others calmness, some might want to learn more about things that inspire/interest them... Whatever the desired outcome finding a way to achieve that has got to be a path to contentment, happiness etc. This might involve looking beyond daily annoyances, struggles etc. If it leads to a quality of life it's got to be progress right? Hope this helps. :)
Yea I suppose you've got a point my friend ☺
 
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