Giving up...

Luci

Luci

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#1
I've known for the entire process that my childrens social worker disliked me, but I've done as I'm told and managed EXTREMELY well considering I've just gotten out of an invalidating relationship, lost custody of my baby and my 12 year old, got a brand shiny new diagnosis and had to defend myself against blatant lies all in the space of 15 weeks.....
My CPN is over the moon, psych is happy..... I've stayed stable throughout. No risk behaviours. Everything is finally going well.
Social worker now decides that I don't agree with my diagnosis, I have no empathy, cant prioritise the needs of my children.... all based on his perception of how I cope with his presence and asking intrusive questions, which have complied with and answered honestly. I have not lied at any point. Liars are ALWAYS caught out. He has characterised me by my symptoms of BPD based on the most traumatic period of my life to date.... he says that I am a risk to the children (opinion that is not supported by any other professionals) and that my oldest son has been brought up without routine and consistency (years of paperwork and proof to the contrary)... I am being discriminated against due to my mental health. I am being characterised as my symptoms.... how am I supposed to stay strong, focused, have a reason? Without my boys I have no reason....
 
O

OCDguy

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#2
Are you able to get a second opinion, or a change of Social Worker?
 
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dewey

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#3
Shit, sorry to hear this.
I don't know exactly how these things work, but would imagine surely there must be multiple opinions that go forward, not just the opinion of one person? Surely your CPN and psych can write letters of recommendation?
Have you got a lawyer, or is that a stupid question? I mean, what about an appeals process?
 
Luci

Luci

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#4
I have queried many things the social worker has said and I obviously have proof what he says isn't true, which ed to the guardian asking for a statement of truth from him. He then said he was leaving and he didn't have time to file one. So he left, filed his flawed evidence, and now the children have a new worker which is great, but they will be moving forward with the old workers evidence for court. I have a report from an independent psychiatrist, my consultant psychiatrist, and of course my CPN. There is nothing in my records to support what he is saying. In court the decision is made by the judge and mostly influenced by the guardian who acts for the children. I know its not the be all and end all but its so upsetting that someone who is supposed to be a professional would submit lies as evidence. It feel so hopeless. Yes I have a very good solicitor and she is aware of everything. She genuinely believes me and can see the evidence for what it is. She is not worried and is 100% honest with me. She is working through his evidence this weekend and I have an appointment to see her on Wednesday. She will tell me her honest opinion then.
 
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dewey

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#5
which ed to the guardian asking for a statement of truth from him. He then said he was leaving and he didn't have time to file one.
What?!! That's crazy professional misconduct. Didn't have time to do one? What the hell. Don't worry, most social workers will actually want what's best for you and be truthful (I would hope)



its so upsetting that someone who is supposed to be a professional would submit lies as evidence.
Yes, I totally get this. People who are dishonest and don't do their jobs properly really bother me. It sounds like this guy must have had something going on- or else why did he leave the profession so suddenly? I can totally see why you'd be angry though and feel let down.

It feel so hopeless. Yes I have a very good solicitor and she is aware of everything. She genuinely believes me and can see the evidence for what it is. She is not worried and is 100% honest with me. She is working through his evidence this weekend and I have an appointment to see her on Wednesday. She will tell me her honest opinion then.
Well so long as she has your back, you should be fine. I say that because your solicitor can present that this was someone who left his post before he could do what was legally required of him. Also you have other professionals to back you up.
 
Luci

Luci

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#6
Thank you for that. It's so good to have other people who can relate to how I feel. The mindfulness and energy it has taken me to stay stable amongst all this is unreal. I know noone with any real understanding of the struggle just to deal with daily life sometimes with BPD would criticise the way I have dealt with this.
 
Luci

Luci

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#7
It sounds like this guy must have had something going on- or else why did he leave the profession so suddenly?
That's what I thought aswell. He must be unwell or have personal issues as it is not professional to leave half way through proceedings and with such little notice..... not that it excuses his lack of professionalism and good practise in my childrens case
 
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dewey

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#8
Thank you for that. It's so good to have other people who can relate to how I feel. The mindfulness and energy it has taken me to stay stable amongst all this is unreal. I know noone with any real understanding of the struggle just to deal with daily life sometimes with BPD would criticise the way I have dealt with this.
That's cool, I respect that. And yeah, it's bloody hellish, all the extreme mood changes.
Mind me asking what sort of techniques helped you with this situation? (asking for a friend :p)
 
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Girl interupted

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#9
Oh fuck Luci. I’m so sorry.

You can appeal the decision. I know you like your current lawyer, but I would recommend getting a new one.

I will be rooting for you. You can’t give up. It’s your kids.
 
Luci

Luci

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#10
I have been kind to myself, I write down my 'problems' and break them into smaller manageable chunks. I spread the tasks out between appointments, seeing my children, popping to my neighbours for a cuppa. I practise mindfulness, mostly controlled breathing and relaxation when I become overwhelmed. I use the forum to sound off when I need it, friends when its appropriate. I keep occupied with things I enjoy like sudoku, colouring in, reading. I try to think in terms of logic and stay positive. I still struggle with controlling my emotions around people and in public if I am under pressure, stress or anxiety but I do ok day to day I hold on to my boys being home. That's why this report has shook me so much. The idea that may not happen is too much to consider
 
Luci

Luci

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#11
Thank you Girl ♡ I know.... anyone I've shared with has said the same. Don't give up, don't let him get you down, keep the fire in your belly.... it's too hard sometimes. These circumstances are just too much to bear. I'm trying not to worry.... just keeping busy, sounding out safely here, processing... trying not to feel too much, or think too much, or vomit
 
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Girl interupted

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#12
Yes you can always come here and vent. I have never seen a more supportive crowd on the internet ever. We are blessed here.
 
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