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Giving up or making life easier

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kim0123

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Sep 25, 2019
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"Nothing worth having was ever achieved without effort." -Theodore Roosevelt

So I know facing things can in time cause the difficulty of them to ease... well, that's the goal of exposure therapy, right?

But, there are times I face things over and over and decide I cannot anymore, so I choose an easier way. I feel guilty about this, a little weak even, but I am juggling a lot of mental and emotional challenges. And nursing myself due to injuring myself accidentally due to stress, and using my energy elsewhere in life, like for my family and loved ones. I already feel exhausted right now, and don't have much energy to use for too many things.

There's a guy who sits outside of a business near my apartment, and when I want to take my dog out to go to the bathroom, I either face him or choose a different path. I used to walk past him each time and deal with the surface greeting he said aloud, but I felt annoyed because I just want to mind my own business and do my thing. But I'd feel mean ignoring him so I say hi back or respond to his light jokes about my dog.

I decided to walk a different way, along a busier street despite my anxiety to do so, to avoid him. He once even said something along the lines of "you're fortunate your dog gets you out 2 times a day." I pretended to laugh and said "yeah, I love her so much." But it made me feel horrible about myself, insecure and weird.

Am I taking the easy way out?
 
hicks

hicks

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In a galaxy, far far away..
No I don't think so. Sometimes I have high 'social energy' and want to engage with people, and have the ability to do so. But most of the time I'll prefer the comfortable option of avoidance. Mainly because failed social interactions leave me feeling like you did. You can always tell when I'm stressed, or emotionally down, because my sense of humour evaporates. And a sense of humour is a good thing to have when talking to people.
And it's good that you direct your energy towards family and loved ones.
 
K

kim0123

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No I don't think so. Sometimes I have high 'social energy' and want to engage with people, and have the ability to do so. But most of the time I'll prefer the comfortable option of avoidance. Mainly because failed social interactions leave me feeling like you did. You can always tell when I'm stressed, or emotionally down, because my sense of humour evaporates. And a sense of humour is a good thing to have when talking to people.
And it's good that you direct your energy towards family and loved ones.
I can relate, when I am and want to be social, when I have the energy for it, I'm involved and talk, sometimes make jokes, etc. But when I can't, I'm quiet (people have called me a mute and asked if I was retarded), I avoid people, it just hurts to be around the chaos.

I feel I must make some kind of change though, because I feel like being away from humanity, a lot. It makes living difficult.

I've never learned how to pretend. I feel I can't.
 
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Sarah63689

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Hi Kim, I would talk to him when you feel up to it and not worry about going a different route when you're feeling anxious. It would be different if you were avoiding him altogether or ignoring him when he talks to you, then I would say you could make more of an effort. It sounds like you've been friendly to him when you've walked past.

I'm having similar problems, it's best not to avoid people but then sometimes if I'm feeling really nervous I will do because I know I'm likely to feel worse afterwards and it'll get me down.

I've had anxiety before and it's got better. It's best to take it slowly and start chatting to a few people to build your confidence up. It does make life really difficult, you need to do it but don't put too much pressure on yourself.

Btw whoever called you 'retarded' is very rude and unsociable and sounds like an idiot so you don't need to worry about people like that.
 
K

kim0123

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Hi Kim, I would talk to him when you feel up to it and not worry about going a different route when you're feeling anxious. It would be different if you were avoiding him altogether or ignoring him when he talks to you, then I would say you could make more of an effort. It sounds like you've been friendly to him when you've walked past.

I'm having similar problems, it's best not to avoid people but then sometimes if I'm feeling really nervous I will do because I know I'm likely to feel worse afterwards and it'll get me down.

I've had anxiety before and it's got better. It's best to take it slowly and start chatting to a few people to build your confidence up. It does make life really difficult, you need to do it but don't put too much pressure on yourself.

Btw whoever called you 'retarded' is very rude and unsociable and sounds like an idiot so you don't need to worry about people like that.
Right now in life, I feel like interacting, especially when alone is so difficult if not impossible. I do get out every day, even if it's a 5 or 6 minute walk twice a day with my dog while my boyfriend is at work. I'm trying to not be so afraid of everthing, especially people, but it's been difficult.
 
S

Sarah63689

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That's good that you're wanting to be around people more, hopefully it'll get easier and you'll be able to see how much progress you're making. It's important to go out and get some exercise and fresh air too.
 
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kim0123

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That's good that you're wanting to be around people more, hopefully it'll get easier and you'll be able to see how much progress you're making. It's important to go out and get some exercise and fresh air too.
I meant to say don't feel like... but yes, I know it's good to. Thank you 😊
 
S

Sarah63689

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Never mind, at least you're trying even though you don't feel like it 😊
 
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