Give it time

Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

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Three months on from the break-up of what I thought might be my 'forever' relationship and having to move 500 miles back to the situation I was trying to escape and after feeling like there was no hope and no future worth living for...yeah, I'm beginning to live again. I discovered I do have some friends and no, I'm never going to underestimate them again. But still, the odd hug here and there doesn't seem to compensate me for the lack of a lover.

I'm trying to learn to live without any love, without any day-to-day human physical contact. I know many people on the forum are in the same boat, so tips would be welcome. But I miss sex :( Yet at the same time, yes, I know I could go out and seek it (especially online) and get it (I'm a woman, it isn't that difficult) but purely physical release - nah. I can achieve that for myself, alone. That's not good enough for me. I need warmth and affection and fun and laughter, and yes, sadly, exclusivity. I don't want to fall foul of my first STD in my sixties.

Am I totally weird?
 
Gajolene

Gajolene

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No I don't think that is weird in the least. It's something I would like to one day achieve, my current relationship falls far short of the cohabitating, exclusivity and closeness I desire. But I don't think it's possible for me. My own mind is my worst enemy that way. I lost the ability to trust fully and can't see ever getting it back.:nod2:
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

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Yes, I often feel like I'm fighting some force I have no control over yet...so many other people I know seem to achieve it...that one love they want to spend the rest of their lives with. Why can't I?
 
Gajolene

Gajolene

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Exactly....why can't you?, Your getting a fresh start and your never too old to find another love, my sister proves that, I get very envious of her as she has never had to really struggle for anything relationship or security wise. When she lost her husband suddenly 5 years ago, within a year she had already fallen in love and met her current man. Some people just have all the luck. With me I've dedicated my life to my boys. What man wants to come live with a crazy cat lady with agorophobia and panic/anxiety issues with two adult mentally disabled sons all living on social services income. My current boyfriend is more friend than partner and has his own mh problems too. I've resigned myself to my fate but I think you have a much better chance at finding a true mate than me.
 
Gajolene

Gajolene

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Rereading that it sounds like I'm whining, sorry for that Jaminacaranda. I wanted to add that she did join walking groups, reading groups, a biking group, a weightloss group. Things she enjoyed doing that didn't involve bars and such. By keeping positive and adding new positive experiences she attracted the type of fellow she was looking for. They are very happy together. Hope that's more helpfull than my last depressing whiny post.
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

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Well if you were whining Gajolene, I understand it. Like you, I can accept that who I am and what I want affects my relationships - I'm just never going to be the one who is totally focused on 'pleasing' someone else and never has a 'pleasure agenda' of their own. As far as I'm concerned every relationship has to be 50/50 or else no thanks, I'll do without. Ummm....I'm tempted to say something very sexist here, but I'll refrain. I wish I could join clubs too but...never yet met a man (or woman) my age with the same hobbies/likings as me. Any 50 to 65 year old guys out there who like listening to industrial metal, playing RPGs online, binge-watching HBO series like The Walking Dead, arguing about politics in real-ale pubs? Haven't met one yet.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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I'm sorry if this is totally off-topic and strange given the context of your thread.. also, this is obviously not meant in a sexual way at all.

But in terms of having a cuddle and just feeling some love, have you thought of getting a pet?
Sometimes when i'm lonely and just want a bit of comfort and warm, a hug with my dog does wonders.

Again, this might not be your cup of tea, but how about setting up an online dating profile?
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

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East of England
I'm sorry if this is totally off-topic and strange given the context of your thread.. also, this is obviously not meant in a sexual way at all.

But in terms of having a cuddle and just feeling some love, have you thought of getting a pet?
Sometimes when i'm lonely and just want a bit of comfort and warm, a hug with my dog does wonders.

Again, this might not be your cup of tea, but how about setting up an online dating profile?
Yes I have thought about getting a dog. It wouldn't be possible at the moment because my house is too crowded and I've got a lot of renovating work to do over the next year but when my son moves out I will consider it. It would be good to have a reason to get out and get some exercise. I'm just a bit concerned about what I would do if I ever wanted to go away, for example to visit my mother.
 
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