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Girlfriend with Pure OCD - Please help!!!

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beaniebaby1986

New member
Joined
Jan 17, 2021
Messages
1
Location
Dallas, Texas
Hey guys. I am looking for some advice on how to love and better support my girlfriend, with Pure OCD. We've been together for over a year now, and we grew up together. We were very very close, until one day until OCD hit her like a trainwreck.
She had some health problems, and she was in the hospital/bedridden overthinking for a few months. She didn't talk to me very much and blamed it on not feeling well. I was very worried. Eventually, she opened up to me about her repetitive, compulsive thoughts, and that's why she was distant. Of course, I tried to be loving and empathetic, and understanding, but I wasn't sure how to help. She got worse and worse fighting her thoughts every day, shut me and her parents out, and became suicidal because of her intrusive thoughts. They are just like Pure OCD thoughts (against God, her religion, people she loves, violent, sexual, etc.) This literally came out of nowhere, none of us were expecting it.

Eventually, I started researching intrusive thoughts, and I read about pure OCD. It's exactly the same as everything she is experiencing. Her family has a slight stigma against therapy, so I tried to be careful and respectful about how I approached it.

I read some books on OCD, intrusive thoughts, and a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy book. I tried to show her the techniques I had learned, and after hours of counseling, she began to get way better. It was hard, but she slowly started to be able to live her life without hardly any thoughts.
I'm not a therapist at ALL, but I eventually got her to where she wasn't arguing with her thoughts. One night while she was having a rough time, she broke down and told her step-dad that I had been helping her, which wasn't received well. He is not educated on OCD, so my techniques didn't make sense to him. He told his daughter that maybe I should stop "counseling" because perhaps talking about the thoughts all the time was making it worse.

I am normally a soft and reassuring person- I love building people up. Once I learned this was bad for OCD, I stopped. Once while she was having a rough day with intrusive thoughts, I didn't reassure her.
She got a little aggravted that I wasn't giving her straight answers to her OCD questions. She started telling me I was stressing her out, and she had floods of thoughts when she was around me. I told her that it's fine to have the thoughts and be scared, as long as you don't respond to them. Was that the right thing for me to tell her? I am still learning.
I am her boyfriend, so naturally, her OCD sexual thoughts start to flood worse around me. She has told me before that she needs time away from me to stop having those sexual thoughts that she deems as "bad", but I have read that avoiding your triggers to not have thoughts builds the repetition cycle even more. I gave her space anyway, though.

After that, she dropped off the face of the earth. She won't talk to me very much, and I know she's going through wars in her mind right now. I am heartbroken and I feel like I'm losing my girlfriend due to this stupid OCD monster.
I've spent hundreds of hours reading books and educating myself, calming her down during panic attacks, teaching her Cognitive Behavioral Therapy stuff, and she was getting actually better. Between her stepdad not liking the behavioral therapy (which was really working) and having anxiety because I wasn't reassuring her, I think she got worse these past few days.

What should I do to help her?? I feel so sad that I can't do more to help.

So I'm asking people who struggle with Pure OCD or intrusive thoughts - what are some things that your boyfriend/girlfriend do that trigger you to be worse? And what are things that they do to help? Do you guys have advice on how to help her? Does space help, or is facing your triggers better?

And, does OCD ever get better or go away? What should I do if I am a trigger for her thoughts? Should I encourage her to face her triggers (me, and there are other triggers besides me) and not reassure herself?

Does me asking questions about her thoughts/how she's doing make it worse?

Any advice is VERY welcome!!!! She's an amazing and smart girl, I just want to make sure I am loving her and helping her the best I can.

Thank you guys so much!!!!
 
hicks

hicks

Well-known member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
2,732
Location
A galaxy, far far away..
Firstly I applaud your efforts to help your girlfriend, she is really lucky to have you in her corner for support.
I tend to think that those closest to the sufferer aren't the best people to provide counselling, however well intentioned. Particularly when you have no experience in this area. Yes you clearly are an intelligent person, and have the ability to research and learn about this condition. I did much the same when my daughter's OCD problems escalated. That research does give you vital understanding, which can make the situation seem a little less scary. However I think your girlfriend should turn to a fully qualified and *experienced* counsellor. Be careful in your selection, and get the right person to engage with.
OCD can be managed, with the right techniques, but it often doesn't go away. The success of the treatment depends on the willingness, and determination of the person to really want to overcome the condition.
I wish you the best of luck.
 
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Tp403

New member
Joined
Mar 17, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Alberta
I struggled with pure O for 5 years. The worst thoughts you can't even imagine. One thing I can tell you is that you can beat it. I did after 5 years of absolute pain looking for every answer I could, and always seeing people say it's something you have to live with, it's not. Start with your diet, I had to go on strict carnivore diet (grass-fed beef and salt, check out mikhaila peterson)to reduce brain inflammation which will directly affect ocd, then I had to start burning excess energy 25 mins of cardio, weight lifting, ect atleast a day. It's very tough to get going on that, but when you do you will start to see a decrease in the thoughts, after a while they just fade away. It's been 4 years since I went through that, I just want to give the next person hope that it's possible. Trust me I went through it all, thoughts that I was schizo, couldn't be around pointy objects without wanting to throw up, constantly seeking reassurances, googling hundreds of times a day.
 
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Tp403

New member
Joined
Mar 17, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Alberta
Also no stimulants, alcohol, tabacoo, marijuana, caffeine ect.. all things that have to go if you want to break those pathways in the brain.
 
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