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Girlfriend with depression lost feelings for me, What are the experiences with them coming back ?

T

TME

Member
Joined
Mar 8, 2019
Messages
7
Location
Denmark
1,5 year ago I meet my soulmate through work. She lives in another country, but we started visiting and seeing more, and we had a fantastic time until 3 months ago. We planned having children, moving together and I proposed and she accepted.

During all this time she had a hard time at work, and was treated extremely unfairly. As a cause she was suffering going to work and still is, I believe this has triggered her depression, after having to endure it for 3-4 months.

For the past several months she has got increasingly worse. It has been very difficult for both of us. She lost interest and happiness about all these things we wanted together and that I still dream of. I have tried my best to support her, help her in the way I can see you should support people with depression. Probably I have failed from time to time but have done my best.

Things got into a negative spiral because she was depressed, didn't want to have these feelings, didnt understand why she had it and only just wanted what we both dreamed of to come back. I started to be sad and affected as well because I love her so much, and it was so difficult to see her like this and also that she stopped caring about these things. Then she gor even more depressed because she could see what it did to me, and eventually we were in this negative spiral making each other more sad.

She had a hard time even being with me because it made her feel so bad and sad, and we discussed that she needed some time alone so she didn't have to worry. This I probably didn't handle that well, I could see the logic but really for me it felt like I was not important, and all I wanted was to be with my soulmate and support her no matter what. For me it felt like the beginning to the end.

This week things got even worse with the same spiral going on, and she told me that now it could not go on and it was the end.

She told me she needs time to think about her thoughts and feelings and that I should not contact her, as even contact makes things worse.

I will try and respect her wish, hoping that with some peace and therapy she will realize that she still wants it, but the feelings seems to be gone and I am so scared I lost my soulmate and our dreams and don't know what to do except waiting and hoping.

Has anyone tried this, and what are the experience with a partner recovering and getting these feelings back as they get better or with some time ? Maybe/probably she is even blaming me at this point.

Any experiences or advise would be very welcome, thanks.
 
MeropeneM

MeropeneM

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Without giving too many details, what type of work was it and what did the unfairness consist of? Also you met her through work, was it an exchange or what?
 
T

TME

Member
Joined
Mar 8, 2019
Messages
7
Location
Denmark
We work in IT. She worked like a crazy for a long time and to complete a development project that would be a big promotion for her. Several times it was confirmed that it was a succesful pilot and that her "promotion" would happen. When we got back from holiday, they instead told her they cancelled, despite they confirmed several times she was a succes, even just before our holiday.

On top of that her boss has been treating her horribly ever since. She is fantastic at work, but is being monitored constantly and asked very unfair things all the time - things that simply doesn't make sense. I think she got stress depression from this, especially because it was not fair or logic.
 
T

TME

Member
Joined
Mar 8, 2019
Messages
7
Location
Denmark
And she did the project to work with me, not because she is ambitious. She now found another job at the same level in our company, but damage is done and she only starts 1st of May anyway
 
MeropeneM

MeropeneM

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jan 18, 2019
Messages
207
I'm sorry man I don't understand what you're saying, if anybody understands this they can feel free to reply. I see you live in Denmark. I don't speak danish but I do speak French.
 
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