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Girlfriend wants to take a break

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bpdbabe

New member
Joined
May 23, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Philadelphia
Hi guys. This is my second post. I decided to make another post going into more depth about my situation: I’m reaching out because my girlfriend just broke up with me (wants to take a break but I don’t believe we will get back together). I never physically abused her. I just emotionally abused her. I said really hurtful things to her when I’m hurt or upset. Like I’d say I hate her and she’s disgusting and horrible and a piece of shit etc. just a bunch of really cruel words and she never did that to me back (well except last night she said “fuck you, you fucked up my life”) this was a really loving person who’s done a ton for me but I split so much and whenever she’s not perfect or I feel like she’s letting me down or not doing something my way, I split really bad and call her names and push her away. I’m really so abusive and yes I’ve been in dbt therapy for a few months and on meds but I’m still so fucked up and I did deserve for her to break up with me. No one should have to stay with someone who’s abusive and I am that. I’ve been this person since I was a kid and I don’t understand how I’ve gotten this fucked up so early on. Like my trauma doesn’t even seem severe enough for me to have grown up and became such a monster. No one will ever be able to love and stay with me romantically and that’s all I want. I want a life long partner more than anything and she was suppose to be that but she’s throwing in the towel at 5 months.
 
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Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
3,391
Location
London, ON
Keep up with the DBT, and your meds. Over time, you can learn to mitigate your split thinking and need to lash out at people you love.
Like my trauma doesn’t even seem severe enough for me to have grown up and became such a monster.
Yeah, I know this feeling well. Here's the thing - what you remember is the tip of the iceberg, and, yeah, it's amazing how small things have a huge effect on our lives.

Personally, I've found that part of having BPD, for me, means I've really normalized some experiences that actually WERE hugely traumatizing. I mean, it took my therapist looking shocked and saying "Holy shit, that was horrible", and I still thought he was over reacting.

I mean, everybody's mom pretends not to know you when you are 4 and come in from playing, right? Or forgets to pick you up in town for hours.

Being hung by your feet from a loft while your buddy's brother swings a poker at you like you're a pinata is normal, right?

I know - it's not, but it's taken me 40 years to realize, holy shit, that WASN'T a normal set of experiences.

So, just because you've minimized the weight of the experience in your past, emotionally, doesn't mean it hasn't left deeper issues.

If you can sort out this stuff better, and learn self control, things will get better. It takes work, actively forcing yourself to change, but you can do it.

I mean, I'm far better than I was 20 years ago, and I'm not an exceptional person.
 
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