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Girlfriend left me, I have nothing left

C

CaptainFlint

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 1, 2019
Messages
96
Location
West Coast U.S.
I'm afraid to go to sleep. I don't expect a response from anyone, I just want to say it. I drank several beers in a row just now, in hopes that I would be lulled to sleep and not have to deal with these thoughts anymore.

Since I stayed awake, I made more pizza doughs :cook:

But that said, now that the lights are off. I'm alone again. Whenever the lights go off I feel and know that I'm alone in the world. I'm afraid to sleep because I know exactly what the dreams will be about. And every day I wake up from these dreams.. tears roll down my eyes and I just wish they would stop. I don't want to think about her anymore. I don't want my dreams to tell me we're still together, only to realize we arent.

I don't want this anymore. I don't know how to make it stop. I've tried taking too high of a dose of mood stabilizers to make it stop. But it doesn't seem to work

Therapy doesn't work

Psychiatry barely works

I just want my old life back. I want her back. How do I make it stop
 
C

CaptainFlint

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 1, 2019
Messages
96
Location
West Coast U.S.
I'm afraid to go to sleep. I don't expect a response from anyone, I just want to say it. I drank several beers in a row just now, in hopes that I would be lulled to sleep and not have to deal with these thoughts anymore.

Since I stayed awake, I made more pizza doughs :cook:

But that said, now that the lights are off. I'm alone again. Whenever the lights go off I feel and know that I'm alone in the world. I'm afraid to sleep because I know exactly what the dreams will be about. And every day I wake up from these dreams.. tears roll down my eyes and I just wish they would stop. I don't want to think about her anymore. I don't want my dreams to tell me we're still together, only go realize we arent.

I don't want this anymore. I don't know how to make it stop. I've tried taking too high of a dose of mood stabilizers to make it stop. But it doesn't seem to work

Therapy doesn't work

Psychiatry barely works

I just want my old life back. I want her back. How do I make it stop

I don't want to cry anymore
 
G

goodgollymiss

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 6, 2017
Messages
407
You should be proud that you were able to make the relationship last so long. Some people never had love. It's better to have loved and lost than never to love at all. The love that you had matters, it's just sad that she isn't herself anymore
 
C

CaptainFlint

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 1, 2019
Messages
96
Location
West Coast U.S.
You should be proud that you were able to make the relationship last so long. Some people never had love. It's better to have loved and lost than never to love at all. The love that you had matters, it's just sad that she isn't herself anymore
Mm you're right. Thanks c:

Drinking seems to make it worse, yet better at the same time haha. Time to lay off the booze for a week or two!

Just made another thread about this, but oddly.. my hangover has made my day a very positive one haha. Less thinking, less dwelling. Just focusing on what needs to be done, errands and future plans and all that
 
Universal opportunist

Universal opportunist

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 16, 2019
Messages
58
Location
Dorset
Long post; if you don't wanna read, summary is. I have nobody left in my life. Not a single friend. Not the love of my life anymore. Life has lost all meaning. And I don't know how to go on. Depression eats away at me every day. Slowly growing deeper every day. And I can't see a way out. I'm so alone, I don't know how to go on anymore. Bipolar type 2.

Firstly, I thought, since the day I met her, she was the love of my life. Like an angel walking on Earth. I met her in my sophomore year of college; we quickly became best friends, but she was in a relationship at the time. For two years I patiently waited for her while being hopelessly in love, and even helped her through her relationship. Until one day finally came, that she realized she loved me too. We started dating, and the passion was the strongest thing we had ever felt, because it was backed up by years of knowing each other.
We talked about getting married. Having kids. We were completely in love.

I lived with her for several months, and had never felt a joy like it. After about a year, I had to move a couple hours away for a new job opportunity. But we promised we'd see each other every weekend, and everything was still great. Until one weekend; memorial day weekend. She was supposed to stay the weekend. She drove all the way over, but the first night, she flat out told me

'im sorry I thought I could change my mind. But when I look at you, I don't love you anymore. I hate driving to your place, I don't like being here. I haven't really felt like I loved you for awhile, and this just made me sure"

She indicated that this was partly due to me smoking and drinking too much. Which is something I knew but couldn't stop. But partly just due to the fact that her feelings had changed

We maintained wed still be friends. But she systematically cut me away from her life. Stopped allowing calls, only texts. Stopped allowing texts, only emails. Then abruptly blocked all forms of communication. I begged her for closure, for release. Just to tell me that we were done. But I didn't even get that.

Then I lost my mind completely. Went off my meds. started making new emails accounts, saying worse and worse things to make her respond somehow. I threatened my own life, then hers. Over and over. I told her to call the police. See I'd never hurt anyone, but I thought I could get closure if the police came, cause then I'd know she read the thousand emails I sent begging her for one sentence of closure. Just one sentence. And she couldn't give me that. Anyway. The police sure did come lol. I was 5150d. Not a good experience. And still doesn't feel like closure. But at least I knew she read it. Feels like I'm at Rock bottom.

I quit drinking. Finally. I'm taking my meds. But nothing changed, except for helping me not completely lose my shit. My life is hollow and empty.


My whole life feels meaningless. I have no friends left. She left me. And I don't want to live anymore with nobody in my life. I'm just alone with my thoughts. Every day. And I can't take it anymore
May not help but when I am at my lowest ebb and all I want is an end to it all what I now do is make myself get up and at least have a wash every morning, it's hard work I know, when all you want is a release from the pain, but just doing one thing everyday keeps me in touch with reality, you will feel better just hang in there. Peace
 
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