Girlfriend left me, I have nothing left

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goodgollymiss

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I hope that someone didnt brainwash her. She may need your prayers since she seems to have lost her personality
 
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CaptainFlint

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I hope that someone didnt brainwash her. She may need your prayers since she seems to have lost her personality
Hahaha yup. It was all love forever until it wasn't. She went from warm and sweet to ice cold nearly immediately once she decided she was done with me. After years of knowing and loving each other and being the closest people in each other's lives. I will never understand people who can be like that
 
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Sarabi_Gyarados

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Heartbreak and losing love is one of the most painful things a person can go through. There is no easy way through other than to be kind and gentle to yourself whilst you are healing. I expect a lot will come up for you in terms of thoughts and feelings - it's all part of the processing. I am sorry that you were dealt with so coldly - you do not deserve that. Love can make us lose our senses and I still believe it is the main reason for living. I struggled with not understanding the point to life without love.

What helped was channelling love into different areas - volunteering, animal rights, causes I cared for. Try to keep love lit in your life in many areas and in time you will find love again. I wish you so much love and so much gentleness as you go through this.
 
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CaptainFlint

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Heartbreak and losing love is one of the most painful things a person can go through. There is no easy way through other than to be kind and gentle to yourself whilst you are healing. I expect a lot will come up for you in terms of thoughts and feelings - it's all part of the processing. I am sorry that you were dealt with so coldly - you do not deserve that. Love can make us lose our senses and I still believe it is the main reason for living. I struggled with not understanding the point to life without love.

What helped was channelling love into different areas - volunteering, animal rights, causes I cared for. Try to keep love lit in your life in many areas and in time you will find love again. I wish you so much love and so much gentleness as you go through this.
Thank you SO much for the positive words.

I think bipolar depression combined with actual devastating events has kind of put me over the edge. Like I'm drowning in despair, no energy to do any of the things I used to love to do.

And it's been four months.. most people would be over it. Most people would probably think I'm insane for holding onto it for so long. But when I love I love so deeply that losing it scars me very badly and permanently I think. I just can't get it out of my head and I don't know why. Can't stop dreaming about it. Can't mentally move past it. Therapy doesn't help much now that I've lost all my friends and loved ones (except mom, but that only goes so far)

I think I need a change of scenery. Need to move away, get a new job. Fresh start maybe

And yes I'll try to rekindle my energy and love for other things too; not just a woman
 
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Sarabi_Gyarados

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Four months is still very early. When you love deeply, it can take a lot of time to let that love go, especially when it is so intense and powerful. You obviously feel things very strongly and that is a beautiful trait. It means that when you hurt you hurt more, but when you love you love more. It has a positive and negative side.

Being able to love so deeply, especially in this world, is really quite special and magical. Remember that when you are hurting, on the other side of the hurt is power. Think of all the good that love can do in the world.

Bipolar will definitely intensify things so cut yourself some slack as your mental illness is another issue to contend with. Keep sharing with us, keep getting out how you feel, you will get there one step at a time. And remember grief is not linear so it's okay to go backwards.
 
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CaptainFlint

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Four months is still very early. When you love deeply, it can take a lot of time to let that love go, especially when it is so intense and powerful. You obviously feel things very strongly and that is a beautiful trait. It means that when you hurt you hurt more, but when you love you love more. It has a positive and negative side.

Being able to love so deeply, especially in this world, is really quite special and magical. Remember that when you are hurting, on the other side of the hurt is power. Think of all the good that love can do in the world.

Bipolar will definitely intensify things so cut yourself some slack as your mental illness is another issue to contend with. Keep sharing with us, keep getting out how you feel, you will get there one step at a time. And remember grief is not linear so it's okay to go backwards.
Reading your words makes me almost want to cry. In a good way. Thank you so much. Makes me feel like a little bit less of a faulty person.

Glad I decided to join the forum. Ive kept all of my feelings inside myself for so so long with not a single person to talk to anymore. And its been eating away at me from the inside and driving me further into negative thoughts about myself, and my failures and imperfections that led me to where I am now. It's good to finally not feel alone.

Just getting it out and talking about it goes a long way
 
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Sarabi_Gyarados

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Even wanting to cry from reading my words shows what a rare and special heart you have. You feel things very deeply and I believe you can use that love in the world in very amazing ways if you choose to. If there is something you care for, natural, animals, mental health, any kind of cause, your love can make a difference. This kind of pain also humbles us, it gives us greater sensitivity, empathy, kindness and compassion, which the world needs more of.

You are definitely not a faulty person. You just feel. In the world we live in, being sensitive or emotional or intuitive can be seen as 'bad' because we live in a cold, clinical world. But what you are is human. It is so so human to feel, to love, to hurt. It does not make you defective. So many people hide and pretend to feel nothing - they are not being true.

I often feel wrong for feeling so sensitive sometimes as well, but I can't change it. It's part of me, like the colour of my eyes, and I believe it is part of me for a purpose. I must have some use for it.

You are not alone and yes talking is so helpful. You always have this forum to come to and share. Please never feel anything you have to say is silly, wrong or bad and please don't tell yourself off for not feeling better sooner. We all go through things in our own time, and that is different for each of us. We can be here to support you through the journey. Stay strong and be kind to yourself my friend.
 
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CaptainFlint

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She was seamlessly integrated into my dream yet again last night. So clearly and thoroughly that within the first 5 seconds of waking up I grabbed my phone and was about to text her.

And then I slowly realized that she had left me. And blocked my number. And none of it was real

We loved each other in that dream. Lots of other random things happened, as dreams usually are. But she was in the whole dream and we loved each other. It was so clear it actually felt real. Like a perfectly real event on a different timeline. Metaphorically speaking lol. Waking up in my own reality was cruel.

When will this STOP lol
 
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Sarabi_Gyarados

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I don't think love stops, but it fades into something manageable. You just have to trust. I never believed it would either, but it does. When you love so deeply, that doesn't disappear. It's natural to dream of her, to crave her like a drug. This will be the hardest part. But it will get easier with time. Just give it time.

A huge thing that will help you is being able to tolerate the ups and downs. To find something, anything, that you can throw yourself into, whether it's a hobby, course, work, counselling, travel, a goal of some kind. You will still process things, but you will also have a course of action to move towards. This progression is healing and gives your mind/heart something to do even as you struggle.

Also, do keep expression. The expression of the pain helps it to heal, like pus from a wound. Let all the ugly painful stuff come out.
 
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CaptainFlint

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I don't think love stops, but it fades into something manageable. You just have to trust. I never believed it would either, but it does. When you love so deeply, that doesn't disappear. It's natural to dream of her, to crave her like a drug. This will be the hardest part. But it will get easier with time. Just give it time.

A huge thing that will help you is being able to tolerate the ups and downs. To find something, anything, that you can throw yourself into, whether it's a hobby, course, work, counselling, travel, a goal of some kind. You will still process things, but you will also have a course of action to move towards. This progression is healing and gives your mind/heart something to do even as you struggle.

Also, do keep expression. The expression of the pain helps it to heal, like pus from a wound. Let all the ugly painful stuff come out.
I think I just have to get back into my music. The music always had a cathartic effect. But I've been too down lately to want to feel emotion at all.
I'll try to get back into it sometime soon.
 
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CaptainFlint

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I'm afraid to go to sleep. I don't expect a response from anyone, I just want to say it. I drank several beers in a row just now, in hopes that I would be lulled to sleep and not have to deal with these thoughts anymore.

Since I stayed awake, I made more pizza doughs :cook:

But that said, now that the lights are off. I'm alone again. Whenever the lights go off I feel and know that I'm alone in the world. I'm afraid to sleep because I know exactly what the dreams will be about. And every day I wake up from these dreams.. tears roll down my eyes and I just wish they would stop. I don't want to think about her anymore. I don't want my dreams to tell me we're still together, only to realize we arent.

I don't want this anymore. I don't know how to make it stop. I've tried taking too high of a dose of mood stabilizers to make it stop. But it doesn't seem to work

Therapy doesn't work

Psychiatry barely works

I just want my old life back. I want her back. How do I make it stop
 
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CaptainFlint

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I'm afraid to go to sleep. I don't expect a response from anyone, I just want to say it. I drank several beers in a row just now, in hopes that I would be lulled to sleep and not have to deal with these thoughts anymore.

Since I stayed awake, I made more pizza doughs :cook:

But that said, now that the lights are off. I'm alone again. Whenever the lights go off I feel and know that I'm alone in the world. I'm afraid to sleep because I know exactly what the dreams will be about. And every day I wake up from these dreams.. tears roll down my eyes and I just wish they would stop. I don't want to think about her anymore. I don't want my dreams to tell me we're still together, only go realize we arent.

I don't want this anymore. I don't know how to make it stop. I've tried taking too high of a dose of mood stabilizers to make it stop. But it doesn't seem to work

Therapy doesn't work

Psychiatry barely works

I just want my old life back. I want her back. How do I make it stop

I don't want to cry anymore
 
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goodgollymiss

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Apr 6, 2017
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368
You should be proud that you were able to make the relationship last so long. Some people never had love. It's better to have loved and lost than never to love at all. The love that you had matters, it's just sad that she isn't herself anymore
 
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CaptainFlint

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You should be proud that you were able to make the relationship last so long. Some people never had love. It's better to have loved and lost than never to love at all. The love that you had matters, it's just sad that she isn't herself anymore
Mm you're right. Thanks c:

Drinking seems to make it worse, yet better at the same time haha. Time to lay off the booze for a week or two!

Just made another thread about this, but oddly.. my hangover has made my day a very positive one haha. Less thinking, less dwelling. Just focusing on what needs to be done, errands and future plans and all that
 
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