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Girlfriend left me, I have nothing left

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Mary26

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 28, 2018
Messages
177
Location
USA
You know, I've been married for over 30 years and I can't imagine being with anyone else and he is my best friend and I still don't know if I believe in soulmates. I guess I believe that if you find someone you're attracted to who shares the same values and is willing to communicate, you can make it work (and yes, it's work). So I'm wondering if you can really break down what it was about her that made you feel she was "the one". Because it sounds like she may have been a great friend at one time but hadn't been communicating with you for a while. Even if she didn't like your behaviors (smoking, drinking, whatever) blindsiding you like that was a pretty callous thing to do. I suspect you are a much better friend. But there absolutely is someone else out there who you will be attracted to, share similar values with and who will be willing to communicate. Don't even entertain the possibility that she was the only one. No way. Not true. You'll see. xx
 
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CaptainFlint

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 1, 2019
Messages
96
Location
West Coast U.S.
You know, I've been married for over 30 years and I can't imagine being with anyone else and he is my best friend and I still don't know if I believe in soulmates. I guess I believe that if you find someone you're attracted to who shares the same values and is willing to communicate, you can make it work (and yes, it's work). So I'm wondering if you can really break down what it was about her that made you feel she was "the one". Because it sounds like she may have been a great friend at one time but hadn't been communicating with you for a while. Even if she didn't like your behaviors (smoking, drinking, whatever) blindsiding you like that was a pretty callous thing to do. I suspect you are a much better friend. But there absolutely is someone else out there who you will be attracted to, share similar values with and who will be willing to communicate. Don't even entertain the possibility that she was the only one. No way. Not true. You'll see. xx
Thank you so much for the moral support. Helps a lot

And I'd say what made her "the one" is simple. Because my heart works in a kind of simple way I guess. I thought she was stunning the day I met her. Then when I got to know her she turned out to be better and better every day. Beautiful, humorous, gentle. I have never ever met someone I liked 1/10th as much. I don't get along with everyone and I'm very picky about who I fall for. So this relationship was very rare for me. Amazingly, she knew and was okay with my bipolar. Had seen and heard me do absolutely insane things while we were friends. Yet she still fell for me somehow.

I guess we didn't share all the same interests. And were in some ways very different people. But I don't know how to say it.. I just grew to love her unconditionally. Like, you may have arguments with your mom and dad, but you don't break up with them. She was so in love with me at first, we'd talk about being together forever, getting married and stuff. I guess that's bullshit to most people and it's just something people say. But I really meant it. I grew to a point I couldn't imagine my future without her. I just never wanted anyone else.

So, yeah she was the one because. I don't see how anybody could love me the way she did. And I haven't really met anyone in my life that I fell for the way I fell for her. I know logically there's a good chance I'll meet someone else. It just really doesn't feel like it.

I also haven't been alone for so so long. Years. I don't know how to properly be alone anymore. It's kind of a shock.
 
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Mary26

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 28, 2018
Messages
177
Location
USA
I get it and I'm not trying to minimize your pain. I know you're in mourning and it probably feels like you'll never be happy. But I can tell you a few things from experience. Having bipolar disorder is not a barrier to finding a relationship and it may not feel this way right now but you're very young and your life will change. I would encourage you not to suffer alone. Reach out for help. Research resources available to you. I don't know where you live but most places offer state sponsered mental health services that are covered by insurance or even free. Maybe find out about how to connect with a peer counselor.
 
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Sarabi_Gyarados

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 20, 2019
Messages
226
Location
UK
I can so relate to this through loves I've lost in the past. It's so raw and intense. It feels like you'll never love again. Am here if you need to talk x
 
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CaptainFlint

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 1, 2019
Messages
96
Location
West Coast U.S.
I can so relate to this through loves I've lost in the past. It's so raw and intense. It feels like you'll never love again. Am here if you need to talk x
Thank you!

It's been almost 4 months. And every night before I sleep I can't stop replaying in my mind the way she broke up with me. And how shocked I was. And how the whole world came crashing down on me.

It happens every. Night. And more often than not I dream about her. The good dreams are bad because I wake up and they're not real. The bad dreams are just bad all around.

Ive gotten less than 4 hours of sleep per night ever since it happened. And it takes me hours to get to sleep, if I do at all. It's like a permanent scar that time isn't healing. Sigh
 
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goodgollymiss

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 6, 2017
Messages
439
I hope that someone didnt brainwash her. She may need your prayers since she seems to have lost her personality
 
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CaptainFlint

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 1, 2019
Messages
96
Location
West Coast U.S.
I hope that someone didnt brainwash her. She may need your prayers since she seems to have lost her personality
Hahaha yup. It was all love forever until it wasn't. She went from warm and sweet to ice cold nearly immediately once she decided she was done with me. After years of knowing and loving each other and being the closest people in each other's lives. I will never understand people who can be like that
 
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Sarabi_Gyarados

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 20, 2019
Messages
226
Location
UK
Heartbreak and losing love is one of the most painful things a person can go through. There is no easy way through other than to be kind and gentle to yourself whilst you are healing. I expect a lot will come up for you in terms of thoughts and feelings - it's all part of the processing. I am sorry that you were dealt with so coldly - you do not deserve that. Love can make us lose our senses and I still believe it is the main reason for living. I struggled with not understanding the point to life without love.

What helped was channelling love into different areas - volunteering, animal rights, causes I cared for. Try to keep love lit in your life in many areas and in time you will find love again. I wish you so much love and so much gentleness as you go through this.
 
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CaptainFlint

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 1, 2019
Messages
96
Location
West Coast U.S.
Heartbreak and losing love is one of the most painful things a person can go through. There is no easy way through other than to be kind and gentle to yourself whilst you are healing. I expect a lot will come up for you in terms of thoughts and feelings - it's all part of the processing. I am sorry that you were dealt with so coldly - you do not deserve that. Love can make us lose our senses and I still believe it is the main reason for living. I struggled with not understanding the point to life without love.

What helped was channelling love into different areas - volunteering, animal rights, causes I cared for. Try to keep love lit in your life in many areas and in time you will find love again. I wish you so much love and so much gentleness as you go through this.
Thank you SO much for the positive words.

I think bipolar depression combined with actual devastating events has kind of put me over the edge. Like I'm drowning in despair, no energy to do any of the things I used to love to do.

And it's been four months.. most people would be over it. Most people would probably think I'm insane for holding onto it for so long. But when I love I love so deeply that losing it scars me very badly and permanently I think. I just can't get it out of my head and I don't know why. Can't stop dreaming about it. Can't mentally move past it. Therapy doesn't help much now that I've lost all my friends and loved ones (except mom, but that only goes so far)

I think I need a change of scenery. Need to move away, get a new job. Fresh start maybe

And yes I'll try to rekindle my energy and love for other things too; not just a woman
 
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Sarabi_Gyarados

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 20, 2019
Messages
226
Location
UK
Four months is still very early. When you love deeply, it can take a lot of time to let that love go, especially when it is so intense and powerful. You obviously feel things very strongly and that is a beautiful trait. It means that when you hurt you hurt more, but when you love you love more. It has a positive and negative side.

Being able to love so deeply, especially in this world, is really quite special and magical. Remember that when you are hurting, on the other side of the hurt is power. Think of all the good that love can do in the world.

Bipolar will definitely intensify things so cut yourself some slack as your mental illness is another issue to contend with. Keep sharing with us, keep getting out how you feel, you will get there one step at a time. And remember grief is not linear so it's okay to go backwards.
 
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CaptainFlint

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 1, 2019
Messages
96
Location
West Coast U.S.
Four months is still very early. When you love deeply, it can take a lot of time to let that love go, especially when it is so intense and powerful. You obviously feel things very strongly and that is a beautiful trait. It means that when you hurt you hurt more, but when you love you love more. It has a positive and negative side.

Being able to love so deeply, especially in this world, is really quite special and magical. Remember that when you are hurting, on the other side of the hurt is power. Think of all the good that love can do in the world.

Bipolar will definitely intensify things so cut yourself some slack as your mental illness is another issue to contend with. Keep sharing with us, keep getting out how you feel, you will get there one step at a time. And remember grief is not linear so it's okay to go backwards.
Reading your words makes me almost want to cry. In a good way. Thank you so much. Makes me feel like a little bit less of a faulty person.

Glad I decided to join the forum. Ive kept all of my feelings inside myself for so so long with not a single person to talk to anymore. And its been eating away at me from the inside and driving me further into negative thoughts about myself, and my failures and imperfections that led me to where I am now. It's good to finally not feel alone.

Just getting it out and talking about it goes a long way
 
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Sarabi_Gyarados

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 20, 2019
Messages
226
Location
UK
Even wanting to cry from reading my words shows what a rare and special heart you have. You feel things very deeply and I believe you can use that love in the world in very amazing ways if you choose to. If there is something you care for, natural, animals, mental health, any kind of cause, your love can make a difference. This kind of pain also humbles us, it gives us greater sensitivity, empathy, kindness and compassion, which the world needs more of.

You are definitely not a faulty person. You just feel. In the world we live in, being sensitive or emotional or intuitive can be seen as 'bad' because we live in a cold, clinical world. But what you are is human. It is so so human to feel, to love, to hurt. It does not make you defective. So many people hide and pretend to feel nothing - they are not being true.

I often feel wrong for feeling so sensitive sometimes as well, but I can't change it. It's part of me, like the colour of my eyes, and I believe it is part of me for a purpose. I must have some use for it.

You are not alone and yes talking is so helpful. You always have this forum to come to and share. Please never feel anything you have to say is silly, wrong or bad and please don't tell yourself off for not feeling better sooner. We all go through things in our own time, and that is different for each of us. We can be here to support you through the journey. Stay strong and be kind to yourself my friend.
 
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CaptainFlint

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 1, 2019
Messages
96
Location
West Coast U.S.
She was seamlessly integrated into my dream yet again last night. So clearly and thoroughly that within the first 5 seconds of waking up I grabbed my phone and was about to text her.

And then I slowly realized that she had left me. And blocked my number. And none of it was real

We loved each other in that dream. Lots of other random things happened, as dreams usually are. But she was in the whole dream and we loved each other. It was so clear it actually felt real. Like a perfectly real event on a different timeline. Metaphorically speaking lol. Waking up in my own reality was cruel.

When will this STOP lol
 
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Sarabi_Gyarados

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 20, 2019
Messages
226
Location
UK
I don't think love stops, but it fades into something manageable. You just have to trust. I never believed it would either, but it does. When you love so deeply, that doesn't disappear. It's natural to dream of her, to crave her like a drug. This will be the hardest part. But it will get easier with time. Just give it time.

A huge thing that will help you is being able to tolerate the ups and downs. To find something, anything, that you can throw yourself into, whether it's a hobby, course, work, counselling, travel, a goal of some kind. You will still process things, but you will also have a course of action to move towards. This progression is healing and gives your mind/heart something to do even as you struggle.

Also, do keep expression. The expression of the pain helps it to heal, like pus from a wound. Let all the ugly painful stuff come out.
 
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CaptainFlint

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 1, 2019
Messages
96
Location
West Coast U.S.
I don't think love stops, but it fades into something manageable. You just have to trust. I never believed it would either, but it does. When you love so deeply, that doesn't disappear. It's natural to dream of her, to crave her like a drug. This will be the hardest part. But it will get easier with time. Just give it time.

A huge thing that will help you is being able to tolerate the ups and downs. To find something, anything, that you can throw yourself into, whether it's a hobby, course, work, counselling, travel, a goal of some kind. You will still process things, but you will also have a course of action to move towards. This progression is healing and gives your mind/heart something to do even as you struggle.

Also, do keep expression. The expression of the pain helps it to heal, like pus from a wound. Let all the ugly painful stuff come out.
I think I just have to get back into my music. The music always had a cathartic effect. But I've been too down lately to want to feel emotion at all.
I'll try to get back into it sometime soon.
 
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