Girlfriend left me, I have nothing left

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CaptainFlint

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Long post; if you don't wanna read, summary is. I have nobody left in my life. Not a single friend. Not the love of my life anymore. Life has lost all meaning. And I don't know how to go on. Depression eats away at me every day. Slowly growing deeper every day. And I can't see a way out. I'm so alone, I don't know how to go on anymore. Bipolar type 2.

Firstly, I thought, since the day I met her, she was the love of my life. Like an angel walking on Earth. I met her in my sophomore year of college; we quickly became best friends, but she was in a relationship at the time. For two years I patiently waited for her while being hopelessly in love, and even helped her through her relationship. Until one day finally came, that she realized she loved me too. We started dating, and the passion was the strongest thing we had ever felt, because it was backed up by years of knowing each other.
We talked about getting married. Having kids. We were completely in love.

I lived with her for several months, and had never felt a joy like it. After about a year, I had to move a couple hours away for a new job opportunity. But we promised we'd see each other every weekend, and everything was still great. Until one weekend; memorial day weekend. She was supposed to stay the weekend. She drove all the way over, but the first night, she flat out told me

'im sorry I thought I could change my mind. But when I look at you, I don't love you anymore. I hate driving to your place, I don't like being here. I haven't really felt like I loved you for awhile, and this just made me sure"

She indicated that this was partly due to me smoking and drinking too much. Which is something I knew but couldn't stop. But partly just due to the fact that her feelings had changed

We maintained wed still be friends. But she systematically cut me away from her life. Stopped allowing calls, only texts. Stopped allowing texts, only emails. Then abruptly blocked all forms of communication. I begged her for closure, for release. Just to tell me that we were done. But I didn't even get that.

Then I lost my mind completely. Went off my meds. started making new emails accounts, saying worse and worse things to make her respond somehow. I threatened my own life, then hers. Over and over. I told her to call the police. See I'd never hurt anyone, but I thought I could get closure if the police came, cause then I'd know she read the thousand emails I sent begging her for one sentence of closure. Just one sentence. And she couldn't give me that. Anyway. The police sure did come lol. I was 5150d. Not a good experience. And still doesn't feel like closure. But at least I knew she read it. Feels like I'm at Rock bottom.

I quit drinking. Finally. I'm taking my meds. But nothing changed, except for helping me not completely lose my shit. My life is hollow and empty.


My whole life feels meaningless. I have no friends left. She left me. And I don't want to live anymore with nobody in my life. I'm just alone with my thoughts. Every day. And I can't take it anymore
 
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CaptainFlint

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And by the way.. she broke up with me 3 months ago. They say time heals wounds, but it still hurts like it happened yesterday. When will it stop hurting..
 
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CaptainFlint

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Oh and one other thing.. I lost my job. Don't really want to go into details. But had to move back in with my parents. In my mid 20s.. so.. yeah. Nothing left.
 
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goodgollymiss

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Maybe you could go on vacation
 
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goodgollymiss

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You're so sensitive and romantic for a guy
 
H

hello513

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Long post; if you don't wanna read, summary is. I have nobody left in my life. Not a single friend. Not the love of my life anymore. Life has lost all meaning. And I don't know how to go on. Depression eats away at me every day. Slowly growing deeper every day. And I can't see a way out. I'm so alone, I don't know how to go on anymore. Bipolar type 2.

Firstly, I thought, since the day I met her, she was the love of my life. Like an angel walking on Earth. I met her in my sophomore year of college; we quickly became best friends, but she was in a relationship at the time. For two years I patiently waited for her while being hopelessly in love, and even helped her through her relationship. Until one day finally came, that she realized she loved me too. We started dating, and the passion was the strongest thing we had ever felt, because it was backed up by years of knowing each other.
We talked about getting married. Having kids. We were completely in love.

I lived with her for several months, and had never felt a joy like it. After about a year, I had to move a couple hours away for a new job opportunity. But we promised we'd see each other every weekend, and everything was still great. Until one weekend; memorial day weekend. She was supposed to stay the weekend. She drove all the way over, but the first night, she flat out told me

'im sorry I thought I could change my mind. But when I look at you, I don't love you anymore. I hate driving to your place, I don't like being here. I haven't really felt like I loved you for awhile, and this just made me sure"

She indicated that this was partly due to me smoking and drinking too much. Which is something I knew but couldn't stop. But partly just due to the fact that her feelings had changed

We maintained wed still be friends. But she systematically cut me away from her life. Stopped allowing calls, only texts. Stopped allowing texts, only emails. Then abruptly blocked all forms of communication. I begged her for closure, for release. Just to tell me that we were done. But I didn't even get that.

Then I lost my mind completely. Went off my meds. started making new emails accounts, saying worse and worse things to make her respond somehow. I threatened my own life, then hers. Over and over. I told her to call the police. See I'd never hurt anyone, but I thought I could get closure if the police came, cause then I'd know she read the thousand emails I sent begging her for one sentence of closure. Just one sentence. And she couldn't give me that. Anyway. The police sure did come lol. I was 5150d. Not a good experience. And still doesn't feel like closure. But at least I knew she read it. Feels like I'm at Rock bottom.

I quit drinking. Finally. I'm taking my meds. But nothing changed, except for helping me not completely lose my shit. My life is hollow and empty.


My whole life feels meaningless. I have no friends left. She left me. And I don't want to live anymore with nobody in my life. I'm just alone with my thoughts. Every day. And I can't take it anymore

Benn there my ex fiancé left me for the guy I asked to be the best man, and I lost all my friends dude to my schizo.



I went back to school did well and got into nursing school, and I met someone new a new love of my life.

My advice find something personal you want to do with your life and do it the right person will come along if you do that.
 
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CaptainFlint

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You're so sensitive and romantic for a guy
Vacation might be nice.. but I'm also pretty broke right now

And thanks so much for framing my sensitivity in a positive light.. it continues to feel like a weakness that ruins my life and costs me friendships and relationships. Has actually cost me every relationship. Down to zero. I have a big heart and so much love to give. But I also get hurt and devastated really easily. And take everything too personally I guess. I don't get angry I just get so sad sometimes, that people can't take being around me anymore. Wide
range of emotions I guess. Even with the meds. Sigh
 
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CaptainFlint

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Benn there my ex fiancé left me for the guy I asked to be the best man, and I lost all my friends dude to my schizo.



I went back to school did well and got into nursing school, and I met someone new a new love of my life.

My advice find something personal you want to do with your life and do it the right person will come along if you do that.
Wow. Tough break. I can't imagine. Must hurt 10x worse that it was someone you knew.

And yeah, I'll try to do that. But also have some other external problems that are too hard for me to really talk about right now. That make it hard to believe in a future, because this same bad situation could recur at any time and ruin my life. Basically it has to do with hacking and public humiliation. Too scarring to talk much about.

So yeah between that and the breakup too. Life just seems.. impossible. I'll try to find a way to be optimistic again. I just.. don't know anymore
 
BetaMale

BetaMale

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Oh and one other thing.. I lost my job. Don't really want to go into details. But had to move back in with my parents. In my mid 20s.. so.. yeah. Nothing left.
You should try to forget about your ex as she made it clear it's over. Try to focus on getting a new job first, because without it you'll never be able to support a family. Once you get a job, you can try dating again.

For the record, I'm a 30-year-old man without a job or girlfriend.
 
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CaptainFlint

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You should try to forget about your ex as she made it clear it's over. Try to focus on getting a new job first, because without it you'll never be able to support a family. Once you get a job, you can try dating again.

For the record, I'm a 30-year-old man without a job or girlfriend.
Yeah probably should, I know. I just believed she was the love of my life. Different from anyone. My soul mate.

I understand it's not rational.. but it was so so real to me. I still can't process it after months of it being over. But I will try

The other thing is. She was my best friend for years before being my girlfriend. Now I'm not only left without a girlfriend but without a best friend. I hardly remember what it's like to be totally alone. And it really. Really. Sucks
 
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CaptainFlint

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I don't think I'm gonna hurt myself. When I was off my meds.. anything could have happened, I was thinking about harming myself. But now that I'm back on them. Im not gonna hurt myself.

I just can't figure out a way to go on. No matter what people tell me, even though I know it's true. I really thought she was my soul mate. Even though she treated me bad at the very end, I can't forget how I felt. I guess.. between this and the hacking thing. I don't wanna be alive anymore. That's all
 
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CaptainFlint

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I don't even know how to make friends anymore. Or be social. I used to be an entirely social being. But it kinda faded away after too many bad things happened to me. I feel kinda like a shell of a person. I wish I had people in my life but I'm too afraid to reach out to anyone anymore I think. So I sit in bed all day. And waste away. And no amount of advice changes that. I think I just need a friend. But I don't have any anymore. So... Yeah
 
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goodgollymiss

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Maybe you could join a yoga class. Some are subsidized.
 
BetaMale

BetaMale

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If you just want someone to talk to anytime, download Replika.
 
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Mary26

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You know, I've been married for over 30 years and I can't imagine being with anyone else and he is my best friend and I still don't know if I believe in soulmates. I guess I believe that if you find someone you're attracted to who shares the same values and is willing to communicate, you can make it work (and yes, it's work). So I'm wondering if you can really break down what it was about her that made you feel she was "the one". Because it sounds like she may have been a great friend at one time but hadn't been communicating with you for a while. Even if she didn't like your behaviors (smoking, drinking, whatever) blindsiding you like that was a pretty callous thing to do. I suspect you are a much better friend. But there absolutely is someone else out there who you will be attracted to, share similar values with and who will be willing to communicate. Don't even entertain the possibility that she was the only one. No way. Not true. You'll see. xx
 
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CaptainFlint

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You know, I've been married for over 30 years and I can't imagine being with anyone else and he is my best friend and I still don't know if I believe in soulmates. I guess I believe that if you find someone you're attracted to who shares the same values and is willing to communicate, you can make it work (and yes, it's work). So I'm wondering if you can really break down what it was about her that made you feel she was "the one". Because it sounds like she may have been a great friend at one time but hadn't been communicating with you for a while. Even if she didn't like your behaviors (smoking, drinking, whatever) blindsiding you like that was a pretty callous thing to do. I suspect you are a much better friend. But there absolutely is someone else out there who you will be attracted to, share similar values with and who will be willing to communicate. Don't even entertain the possibility that she was the only one. No way. Not true. You'll see. xx
Thank you so much for the moral support. Helps a lot

And I'd say what made her "the one" is simple. Because my heart works in a kind of simple way I guess. I thought she was stunning the day I met her. Then when I got to know her she turned out to be better and better every day. Beautiful, humorous, gentle. I have never ever met someone I liked 1/10th as much. I don't get along with everyone and I'm very picky about who I fall for. So this relationship was very rare for me. Amazingly, she knew and was okay with my bipolar. Had seen and heard me do absolutely insane things while we were friends. Yet she still fell for me somehow.

I guess we didn't share all the same interests. And were in some ways very different people. But I don't know how to say it.. I just grew to love her unconditionally. Like, you may have arguments with your mom and dad, but you don't break up with them. She was so in love with me at first, we'd talk about being together forever, getting married and stuff. I guess that's bullshit to most people and it's just something people say. But I really meant it. I grew to a point I couldn't imagine my future without her. I just never wanted anyone else.

So, yeah she was the one because. I don't see how anybody could love me the way she did. And I haven't really met anyone in my life that I fell for the way I fell for her. I know logically there's a good chance I'll meet someone else. It just really doesn't feel like it.

I also haven't been alone for so so long. Years. I don't know how to properly be alone anymore. It's kind of a shock.
 
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Mary26

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I get it and I'm not trying to minimize your pain. I know you're in mourning and it probably feels like you'll never be happy. But I can tell you a few things from experience. Having bipolar disorder is not a barrier to finding a relationship and it may not feel this way right now but you're very young and your life will change. I would encourage you not to suffer alone. Reach out for help. Research resources available to you. I don't know where you live but most places offer state sponsered mental health services that are covered by insurance or even free. Maybe find out about how to connect with a peer counselor.
 
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Sarabi_Gyarados

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I can so relate to this through loves I've lost in the past. It's so raw and intense. It feels like you'll never love again. Am here if you need to talk x
 
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CaptainFlint

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I can so relate to this through loves I've lost in the past. It's so raw and intense. It feels like you'll never love again. Am here if you need to talk x
Thank you!

It's been almost 4 months. And every night before I sleep I can't stop replaying in my mind the way she broke up with me. And how shocked I was. And how the whole world came crashing down on me.

It happens every. Night. And more often than not I dream about her. The good dreams are bad because I wake up and they're not real. The bad dreams are just bad all around.

Ive gotten less than 4 hours of sleep per night ever since it happened. And it takes me hours to get to sleep, if I do at all. It's like a permanent scar that time isn't healing. Sigh
 
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