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Girlfriend broken up with me due to depression

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Indigo0

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Hi folks,

I was in a long term relationship with a girl but I was in a bad place so unfortunately broke up with her. We’ve since rekindled things and have been dating again for a few months.

She suffers from depression and has recently upped her antidepressant dosage. Last week she told me that she doesn’t love me and doesn’t think she is ready for a relationship with anyone, but enjoys being around me so wants to remain friends.

I’m struggling, I keep telling myself that it’s the antidepressants speaking but I don’t know what else to do. I want to support her and if being friends is what she needs then I will do that.

Is it common for antidepressants to prevent people from having feelings for a significant other?
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Hello and welcome to the forums! I’m really sorry that you have undergone a breakup in your relationship recently. It sounds like both of you struggle with your own issues that can make things, especially like coming together, hard.
It’s impossible to know what factors might be contributing to your friend’s decision to end your romantic relationship but you do have to listen and to believe her. Regardless of whether or not it is her depression speaking she does not want to be in a relationship with you right now. She clearly finds value in you as a person to want to maintain a friendship, but I wouldn’t expect it to be more than that. If you can keep her as a friend while settling for friendship status only it sounds like it could be a meaningful relationship for both of you. However if you need the relationship to be romantic to invest in it then now might be a good time to walk away. I hope things work our for both of you. xo, j
 
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Nukelavee

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I've seen this happen before, with the same question.

PEople dating somebody with depression, who goes on meds, and ends the relationship. Hard as this is to hear, for some people, the difference between them depressed and not depressed is night and day. They are markedly different people. What works for them depressed, doesn't work for them on meds.

It's not the anti-depressants talking. It's that her depression isn't talking for her anymore.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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I've seen this happen before, with the same question.

PEople dating somebody with depression, who goes on meds, and ends the relationship. Hard as this is to hear, for some people, the difference between them depressed and not depressed is night and day. They are markedly different people. What works for them depressed, doesn't work for them on meds.

It's not the anti-depressants talking. It's that her depression isn't talking for her anymore.
I don’t think it’s fair to say that. Many factors contribute to a person wanting to end a relationship , not just one. Only the person ending the relationship knows these reasons and sometimes they might not even know what they are.
 
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Zoe1

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ive had my feelings change
when undergoing a change of meds
or even with something like antibiotics

I think unless you are married
you couldn't be sure whether to try to stick with the person
 
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Nukelavee

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I don’t think it’s fair to say that. Many factors contribute to a person wanting to end a relationship , not just one. Only the person ending the relationship knows these reasons and sometimes they might not even know what they are.
Oh, I agree, my point is you can't blame it on the meds.
 
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Indigo0

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Thanks for all the responses, really appreciate it. I think what Zoe1 said sums it up, I want to stick with her and help her get through it - partly in the hope that once she’s through it (I know it doesn’t happen overnight) then she’ll feel that she can love again.

She admits I’ve done nothing wrong and she still enjoys my company, and I know that I can’t just walk away because I’ll forever regret it.
 
Rex Smith

Rex Smith

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Breaking up then getting back together could be the determining factor. You realize what you had and didn't have during the relationship. The bond was technically broken.

Imagine a car thats been parked for awhile and when you try to get it started it won't start. If the battery is older and drained for too long, you might need a replacement. The battery charge is just too low to bring back.
 
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Indigo0

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Breaking up then getting back together could be the determining factor. You realize what you had and didn't have during the relationship. The bond was technically broken.

Imagine a car thats been parked for awhile and when you try to get it started it won't start. If the battery is older and drained for too long, you might need a replacement. The battery charge is just too low to bring back.
Absolutely, I’ve thought about this a lot. However, whilst there’s a chance that it’s caused by the depression/antidepressants, I don’t want to give up. If later-on she feels ready for a relationship (with anyone) but still doesn’t think I’m right then fair enough there’s not much else I can do.

The problem is that neither of us know if she’s feeling like this because of the previous breakup or the depression/antidepressants
 
Bizzarebitrary

Bizzarebitrary

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Sorry to hear about the split and it's encouraging to know that you two remain in each other's lives.

I was in a long term relationship with a girl but I was in a bad place so unfortunately broke up with her.
This leads me to wonder, what are you doing to improve your own mental health? In order to better yourself, that's primarily why one would get help. But also to be in a much stronger position to support someone who's struggling with depression.
 
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Indigo0

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Sorry to hear about the split and it's encouraging to know that you two remain in each other's lives.


This leads me to wonder, what are you doing to improve your own mental health? In order to better yourself, that's primarily why one would get help. But also to be in a much stronger position to support someone who's struggling with depression.
I was under a lot of pressure which has since been relieved. I know that I am strong enough to support her.

I have read a lot online about SSRIs numbing and preventing the feeling of love and desire, I’d be interested to know if anyone else has come across this? Of course sexual dysfunction is a widely known side affect but there seems to be a lot of discussion over deeper side affects such as those shown by my girlfriend.
 
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MouthyOne

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I see SSRI's as suppressors of emotion and can make people feel quite cut off so you are right there.

They work best when feelings are too overwhelming that turning them down allows the individual to be functional.
 
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Indigo0

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I see SSRI's as suppressors of emotion and can make people feel quite cut off so you are right there.

They work best when feelings are too overwhelming that turning them down allows the individual to be functional.
Agreed, it seems the suppress both positive and negative emotions.

I can give her space, time and anything else that she feels she needs but is there any advice anyone can offer someone in my situation? I’m just not willing to give up if there’s a chance (yes, a slim chance) that it may be due to depression/antidepressants.
 
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MouthyOne

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My advise is always the same in any case of a split.

Give the other person 2 weeks and see if they message. It's hard to understand someone with depression or anxiety and can be wearing to handle.

I also believe the no contact thing is better than the friend idea as it can get into murky areas especially when the mental side is added to the mix.
 
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