Ghosted

[Aldious]

Hi, I’m new and I’ve never posted on a site like this before. I don’t even know if this is the right place. I’ve had various mental health problems for many years. I’m lucky that I have a very supportive wife so I shouldn’t complain too much really.

However, a couple of years ago I made what I thought was a really close friendship on the internet. I’m a man and it was a woman. Nothing funny or dodgy about it at all. Genuinely just good friends and my wife was perfectly aware and happy about it.

We were extremely close and talked every day for more than two years but then about a month ago she just stopped. No explanation, no goodbye, literally nothing. I’ve been racking my brains trying to figure out why. I don’t think I said or did anything to upset her at all. It’s genuinely devastated me and I don’t know what to do.

i know I have to move on and I know it’s not my fault (I think) but it doesn’t help. My friend is gone and I don’t know why. What did I do? What happened?! I can’t get past it as mulch as I try.

 

[Avolitionist]

Sometimes life gets in the way of a good friendship.

I had a very close friendship with someone online also, but now that is over. Not because either of us wanted, but because I had an episode of psychosis that started with me first deleting all my online accounts and changing passwords of all the ones I couldn't delete. I simply cannot access any of them now.

I am not saying anything near so drastic happened to your friend, but things do happen. Hopefully she is safe and sound and just in need of sometime to get her world in order. Life can be tough at times for the best of us.

And, welcome to the forum. You'll find the people here very nice.

 

[Aldious]

Thank you so much for the welcome.
She has her problems and had them before I met her. She struggles for friends and I was a great friend. That sounds boastful but I really was and it makes it harder to understand. Why discard a friendship and just carry on as if they never existed? I don’t get it.

 

[Avolitionist]

She may have no alternative. I couldn't have changed what happened if I wanted to, and I did want to change it.

Best you can do is try not to take it personally, and be available when/if she comes back into your world.

 

[Aldious]

Oh she will never be back in my life and that’s what I find so hard. She told me that if she stopped talking to someone she will never talk to them again. I know this but every email that comes in I just hope is her. It’s stupid, I know that.

Thank you for replying, I really appreciate it. Having a chance to say something helps.

 

[Avolitionist]

If you know she is gone all you can do is grieve for the loss. It is hard when we don't have any closure. *hug*

 

[Aldious]

Thank you. I really can’t cope with it. It’s just so cruel. But you are absolutely right.

 

[Zackthemaniac]

I feel you. Uncertainty is the worse and its hard to lose a friend. Hopefully in time you can move on and find others.

 

[Aldious]

Thank you very much, that’s so kind.

 

[iyashinoegao]

My history online being very bad sadly to say and I've encountered a lot of people to not so good ones that where crappy friends to extremely bad types of people. Since I was 15 years of age till now an adult. However, I think she did what she needed to if something did come up in real life with her and things can happen to people unexpectedly. It's good she was really good to you and you two were close. Though know not all the time if "ghosted" by someone is bad like they don't care anymore for you or other not great reasons why they left you with no word why. I feel she had to do what was best for her and she has every right to do so to be honest. As anyone else does as well since they have every right to leave at any time if not feeling safe, comfortable or things going on in their personal life they must go then. Yes, it's true it's very nice and polite saying I have to leave to you is good to say. However really no one has to tell you why as well. ( My opinion of what I've learned over the years even in therapy and families advice as well. ) Advice about online I can tell you is you don't truly know someone at all when it comes to online. it has to take time a lot to truly get to know someone when it comes to online and them not from where you are. Society today says you don't have to and just go for it and rush, but you really shouldn't do that I think in my opinion again. People just don't want too or know they really should take there time getting to know someone. So I'm sorry she left you and I don't think you didn't do anything wrong. You can take my advice or not that's up to you. I just wanted to share my opinion about it. I apologize if it isn't good or helpful. Though I know a lot when it comes to people and online.

 

[mineralgloss]

Hey, i'm sorry you lost a close friend. Online friendships can be hard to maintain sometimes.
I'm sure people on this forum can relate to thinking its their fault or they did something wrong if someone stops talking to them, but you shouldn't be too hard on yourself. There are many people out there (including us on this forum) who are here for you in the meanwhile

 

[Argon]

That's what happens with online friends. I e-mailed a women from Europe a few times a week for a couple of years. We chatted on the phone twice. Eventually she stopped responding. I've had a few other that didn't last that long.

 

[Direisalone]

Sorry you lost your friend I hope she's ok wherever she is

 

[Argon]

Sorry you lost your friend I hope she's ok wherever she is

I googled her name and it looks like she became a hypnotherapist.

 

[mineralgloss]

I used to be close with an online friend but eventually I would send him long paragraphs and he'd just send back a short few lines. It can be difficult to keep in touch without both people putting a lot of effort in