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Getting threatened with suicide attempt by ex-girlfriend , post trauma.

K

kratom4

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Long post ahead. If any of you has post-stress problems via getting psychological harrassment from a girl and having problems in future relationships , I hope you would read this for yourself and me.

My first girlfriend experience was a mess. I was so alone, sexually avid because of my age (19, virgin) and started seeing a girl which I didn't actually like that much. But she got obsessed with me and she had mentally psycho attitudes. She never let me break up with her through lying about pregnancy etc. and I though I loved her so kept going. But after I found out that she was cheating on me with proof I broke up with her. But it wasn't that easy, she threatened me with attempting suicide if I wouldn't go back to her. I kept my grounds and finally she stopped harrasing me but I was heavily damaged.

Thought of her killing herself because of me was a big trauma and a nightmare for me and she used that for 3-4 months. I lost tons of weight and had some problems regarding mobile phone ringtones for years because she was calling me 50-60 times a day.

For 6-7 years I kept my distance with relationships and just hanged out with girls. I was so afraid that I would go through all that stuff again. When I had some minor problems with girls I hanged out with , first thing comes to my mind was "her suicide attempt because of me" again.

When I was 27, I started a relationship but that girl was just not for me. After ten days, I broke up with her. She was really sad and that triggered all the suicide trauma in me. I was so afraid that she would kill herself, I was tracking her through social media. typing her name on google etc. After some weeks that was gone and happy again.

When I was 29 something really bad happened. Like a cosmic joke. I started hanging out with a girl, on the grounds of not having a relationship which she was more than okay, but started to ask for more sexual intercourse like 3-4 times a week. But I was just didn't want to see her that much. I stopped seeing her she took it really hard. Started harrassing me, saying that I used her etc. and finally she told me that she was already suicidal for years, trying to keep it low but this me stopping seeing her triggered that really bad. That was true because weeks before she had asked me about some suicide related questions from nothing.

That was a big re-trauma for me. I told her okay talk to me whenever you want, etc. Didn't have sex with her but kept my contact. Talked her through phone for hours mostly just standing silent. Started drinking, smoking and doing nothing about my life, work. Everything was happening again. After 1 month things started to wear off and we lost touch but re-trauma was really bad for me.

Now I'm 31, I can't move on with my life. I can't see woman in any type of relationships. I hang out in online dating web sites but I try to find a x100 perfect woman just to eliminate all the "my side of breaking up faults" stuff. I crave for getting dumped, not being the one who decides to break up.

Last week I dated a girl, it just didn't happened for me. She didn't take it easy and kept messaging me. Now I'm in fear of her getting suicidal again. After 12 years this trauma still effects me. This makes my life harder and making me avoid relationships. Weirdly woman fall in love with me really easily and I can't even talk about it because it sounds like bragging.

Thank you for reading. I appreciate suggestions deeply.


 
Tawny

Tawny

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That must be very stressful. She must be very unhappy and reaching out for help from anyone, but nobody can save us, we have to go to the right people when we feel so weak we cannot go on. She has to be independent to be strong enough to cope in life and she will be one day.

The pressure on you is unfair of her and although she is not doing it on purpose i am sure, you are just one person and only human and clearly cannot cope with her mental health problems. Ask her to call 999 or 111 or go to the hospital as that is the best place for her if she cannot cope at the moment.

I would not be able to cope with it either, even if it was my own mum, i would probably send her to the professionals.
 
K

kratom4

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That must be very stressful. She must be very unhappy and reaching out for help from anyone, but nobody can save us, we have to go to the right people when we feel so weak we cannot go on. She has to be independent to be strong enough to cope in life and she will be one day.

The pressure on you is unfair of her and although she is not doing it on purpose i am sure, you are just one person and only human and clearly cannot cope with her mental health problems. Ask her to call 999 or 111 or go to the hospital as that is the best place for her if she cannot cope at the moment.

I would not be able to cope with it either, even if it was my own mum, i would probably send her to the professionals.
Thank you for your answer. But I think you misunderstand some parts. Nobody is threatening me with suicide at the moment but I'm afraid of meeting new people as a result of a fear as if the new woman I met would threat me with suicide in the future.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Thank you for your answer. But I think you misunderstand some parts. Nobody is threatening me with suicide at the moment but I'm afraid of meeting new people as a result of a fear as if the new woman I met would threat me with suicide in the future.
Sorry i thought i might have misunderstood.

All people are different. I think it is important to look at how you are communicating with a woman too, to protect yourself and them from stress and confusion. The only time a man has left me feeling suicidal (it was just this one boyfriend out of the four), was because he was not straight with me. Women know if a man is going cold, and as soon as you start to have doubts, you need to make it clear. It is that which can causes stress. If he had just said to me, i don't want to be with you anymore, it would have been much easier and i could have coped. I did not threaten suicide but i was a mess because he was confusing me and it drove me crazy.
 
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