- May 1, 2020
I feel like I can’t take it anymore. I have no confidence in myself. I hide in my room all day. I’ve never lived on my own. I fear losing my mom. I just think how my parents are getting older. I fear losing them. I fear losing my mom because she’s the only one I trust in the world. I feel like I want to die now because I am hopeless. I’m starting to get anger issues too. I am jealous of everyone. I erased all social media because I don’t even talk to the people on there. Some old school classmates added me probably just to have a higher number of friends. I was starting to get addicted to posting things and wanting Likes and attention. I did online dating and I give up. Guys like provocative women. I am jealous of these women who are confident and sexy. I hate myself and have a negative attitude. I want to stop therapy and all support groups. I’m gonna get dementia because all I do is lay in bed and look at my phone or sleep. I have no hobbies or goals. Nothing to offer in life. Feel helpless and hopeless. People tell me to get out of my shell because I have social phobia. My therapist makes me mad. She tells me to say positive things about myself and throw my hands up in the air and is forcing me to pretend I’m happy and positive. I didn’t want to throw my hands up and say I am amazing. Instead I looked down and got so mad and said I’m really uncomfortable and don’t want to talk. I have this immature attitude. That’s what my therapist always tells me. I am easily offended,nervous,shy,self conscious. I was in group therapy and I opened up about my low self esteem and regret it. They act as if it’s easy to get over. It is not just low self esteem but self hate which makes me hate everyone. I feel miserable. I’m also trying to cut out sugar,carbs,dairy. Because It causes acne and boils. Which causes low self esteem. It’s so hard to do. I have hidradenitis suppuritivA. I don’t want to be so negative.