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Getting anxious

T

Topcat

Guest
I don't like to post here because I said I wouldn't, but anyway.
My weight has gone up to the bottom end of my 'normal' weight range prior to having calorie issues. I don't want it to go higher, I keep feeling so fat, had to buy new clothes. I've been watching what I eat, but not losing weight. Mood up, I want to eat everything, today I look in the fridge and it all looks good, and I think "why not, eat a load it will be so nice" and my self control and will power are failing me.
I'm getting worried that I'll never be able to control my weight again. At the same time quietly thinking, so what?
When I think back to 3yrs ago and the state I was, the pain inside and the horrible anxiety and over control, why would I wish that on myself again?
I don't want to feel that way again, but I don't want to feel fat and disgusting again either which is what led me to the issue.
I don't know what to do.
I keep wanting to restrict, but I don't have the will power any more.
It feels out of control.
 
kittylance

kittylance

New member
Joined
Mar 13, 2015
Messages
3
Maybe its your way of punishing yourself. If your weight has gone up and you feel these urges even though you know acting on them would just make you feel worse, perhaps that's what the problem really is. When I use to put myself in bad situations over and over again I felt so horrible afterwards, but once it kept happening I became comfortable with it in this really depressing way. When you can't achieve something you set out to do that goes against whatever negative or compulsive behavior it is, you start longing for the familiar depression, but its masked as something else. Whatever feelings you had when you first started having problems with food are probably what you're feeling now. I can't tell you how to make those feelings go away, but I can suggest doing something positive rather than caving in.
I use to paint (i guess) when I got frustrated or stressed out, i'd just sling my paint brush at my canvas and keep going with different colors until i was worn out and i'd look up at what i made and i'd feel better. I'm not saying it works for everyone, but everyone has their own thing. Try finding something you can do that can serve as an emotional outlet, as well as bring a smile to your face afterward. If you think about it, most of the things we do that make us feel bad are meant to make us feel temporarily good, so why not try finding an outlet with a long lasting positive effect? :) I hope you feel better soon, no one deserves to feel bad about themselves.
 
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