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getting a strong 'voice'

J

jensdad

Member
Joined
Nov 22, 2014
Messages
8
hello forum users, I have two weeks off work,been drinking too much and I have had anxiety in the past. I saw my doctor but was just not able to say I am getting thoughts in my mind regarding suicide to be blunt.
I don't think this is right with anxiety,new to me anyway.I,m trying hard to see the dumb side of my thinking. I have tried to talk(e-mail) Samaritans but it takes 24 hours for replies. I cannot talk to my family, they know of course that I'm off work for my nerves,also worrying about my job of course.I'm really making people fed up too.
Just feels better to type it all.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
Hi Jensdad and welcome to the forum.

If you're getting suicidal thoughts, you really do need to talk to your doctor about them. There is help available and, with the right treatment, you can start to feel better again.

Please don't leave it too long before seeing your doctor again. Suicidal thoughts should always be taken seriously. Write it all down and hand the piece of paper over if you really feel unable to talk about it.

Could you phone the Samaritans rather than email? This might help. Are you getting any help with your drinking?

Hope you feel better soon.
 

MarlieeB

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Jan 15, 2013
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The emailing is a bit if a nightmare isn't it. It's the best way for me but it can be frustrating. They do have a text number that they give out sometimes but it's not widely known as they don't want it to be abused. It's not a straight answer all the time though, sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't but I've never had to wait more than a hour for a text back but then again I get a lot of pressure when I do use them to ring them, even after I've explained that is a no go.

I agree with Purples advice about writing stuff down on paper. I kinda wish I could do this, it's just lucky I have a GP that pushes me a lot.

Do you think you are drinking to numb the pain? That is what I do personally, when it get's too much drinking is the safest way to release but of course when we wake up the next morning you feel tons worse so yeah, not the best thing in the world to do.

BTW :welcome: to the forum :)

Marliee x
 
J

jensdad

Member
Joined
Nov 22, 2014
Messages
8
Hi Purple chaos,thanks for the reply. No,I don't think I will see the doctor again,sick of it,they think I just want time off work,I never even asked them. I cant face talking on the phone really, I'm just another voice to them,sorry but I'm negative presently.
I just saw a link to a website for (legal) drugs but I don't know if they would ship something to the UK, was surprised that things like Prozac are for sale;I don't know much about the internet.
I have had no drink for over a week, opened my 'tranq' things ,tablets, and put them all in a bottle with sweets,I'm just annoying my family and they don't know I'm going mad , don't know how my negative thoughts are nagging me.I want to walk away,sit in a bus shelter and not wake up. No one here has done anything to upset me so they don't deserve it to be honest.
 

MarlieeB

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25,044
Please stop looking at those sites, shut them down. You never know what is in those things.

Can you try and get some sleep for the moment?
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Oct 23, 2014
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1,079
When we're suffering there doesn't have to be a reason and, if we can't understand how or why we're feeling a certain way, those closest often get caught in the crossfire, for want of a better expression!

Please don't consider self medicating and please reconsider seeing your doctor again. I know how difficult it can be to face them and really, if you are not finding him/her sympathetic then would it possible to change doctors? You shouldn't have to be going through this with no extra support but that will mean opening up.
 
J

jensdad

Member
Joined
Nov 22, 2014
Messages
8
Hi Marliee, yes the e-mailing! Don't know what I was thinking of,Samaritans! I have a drink because it a 'tranq' we can buy with no patronising questions, you cant even buy headache tabs nowadays ,I'm being negative again : )
I find it hard to get up but never let them down at work,now I'm off because I'm crazy. I have had over a week without alcohol so far.
Thank you for the welcome x
 
J

jensdad

Member
Joined
Nov 22, 2014
Messages
8
Purple, are they real drugs? If they sold rubbish the 'site would not stay in business?
The health cntre is good really,it's me being phobic,It's so busy there;I feel angry they abuse it and I work all hours and have been to the doctor or nurse about 6/8 times in last 14 years. Never get anything out of my contributions and same with my future pension, all messed up,feel angry but I don't mistreat my family;they just know I'm off for two weeks and feel sad.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Oct 23, 2014
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I wouldn't know. Possibly. The issue I see is using any drugs, psychotropic or otherwise, unless they've been prescribed for you. I just wouldn't go there.

I really think you have to push past your phobias and worries and stress to your doctor how you are suffering. Don't be fobbed of with unhelpful comments and don't worry if you feel as though you shouldn't be persevering with it. We are all deserving of help and support but have to sometimes muster all our strength to get started.
 
J

jensdad

Member
Joined
Nov 22, 2014
Messages
8
My doctor is young, Purple; he is good too. I did go and got two weeks off work and told to come back.
It is hard to say I have bad thoughts taking me over,but I have a nice break now,feel guilty,I am only worth what I can provide for my family in my mind. It goes back to when an ex partner cheated on me and my esteem went so low. I know all this so it seems silly to be feeling sad.
I will be 'up' again and I will write any silly thoughts,see them in the light of day.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
Please try not to feel too guilty. Look at it as a break that is much needed at the present. You are worth so much more than what you can provide for your family and I'm sure they want what's best for you and just want you feeling better.

I don't think any of it seems silly. Being cheated on in the past is bound to effect your self-esteem and can have a lasting impact on your life. If you won't go back to the doctors sooner, then maybe try looking at your two weeks off as time and space to think about what help you need and to start writing down some of your main concerns.

If you're feeling no better after the two weeks, go back to your doctor with whatever you've jotted down and talk things through with him. A good doctor can make all the difference but he can't help you properly if you're not open with him.
 
J

jensdad

Member
Joined
Nov 22, 2014
Messages
8
thank you,just read and taken on board what you have written Purple. I am feeling better than at nightime and still no booze.
I will go back to dr, if I feel as bad as I have been,I think meds and reading that CBT is helping. Need to sort out a few things that have been causing us (family) worry too but it is not insurmountable stuff,just a build up.have a good Sunday P.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
Thank you. I hope you've had a good day too. It's great that you're still not drinking and that you're feeling better during the day. Night times can be some of the hardest and loneliest to cope with but we're here to help if possible.

I'm glad that you've decided to go back to your doctor if you need to. I know personally that putting off getting help when you really need it is one of the worst things you can do.

Good luck with your progress.
 
J

jensdad

Member
Joined
Nov 22, 2014
Messages
8
Do y'know,I feel better today,I can sort the things worrying me they are practical problems. Maybe no drink and the things I'm taking /reading,thanks again.
 
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