Get inspired! Successful BPD Relationship

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ohheystarfire

Member
Joined
Mar 14, 2019
Messages
17
Location
Indonesia
#1
Hey, I was hoping that members here can share their successful BPD relationship, whether you're one with BPD or your partner, best friends, family, etc.

What have you done to maintain this lasting (and successful by your own definition) relationship?
What have they done as well?

I believe relationships (involving BPDs or not) always take two to tango. And also, I am well aware that the internet mainly talks about how having a relationship with BPDs is considered as tough, complicated, tiring, toxic, etc. But I am looking for stories to get inspired. Because I believe that BPDs aren't doomed to suck in relationships (especially when they're going/have done treatments).

So please do share :)
 
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Allyalz

Member
Joined
Mar 8, 2019
Messages
18
Location
England
#2
I have been with my husband 7 years and we are expecting our third child in he next few weeks.
When we first got together, I did all the usual pushing away, believing I was no good etc but the difference was he could actually see what I was doing and refused to budge.
We got engaged after 3 months and married after 4 and he’s not only the love of my life but my best friend.
Things were tough in the first year, we got pregnant with our first child after a month of marriage and hormones don’t exactly play nice!! After my first was born my mh took a dive as suppressed memories started to appear and I realised the way my parents brought me up was not normal (not that I ever thought it was, I just never really thought about it too much as I had no need to) he stuck through everything with me despite my tantrums, pushing etc.
After my second was born in 2015 I was diagnosed with BPD and everything made sense.
My husband learned all about it and has an understanding now why I am like I am (as do I) and knows I’m not just being a bitch.
It’s not easy and it takes a lot of work but communication is key. I can feel when my anxiety is triggering things so we have a code word. No matter where or what we doing I can say this word and he knows to get me to somewhere “safe” and quiet and he will do breathing techniques with me to help me if necessary. Also it’s taken a very very long time but when I ask him to leave me alone, he knows now it means to give me some space but not like storm off out the house space.
Things are still a work in progress and always will be (as is with any relationship) but we have a good dynamic and understanding of each other.

The big difference for me was finding someone who didn’t have triggers for me to begin with. What I mean by this is in new relationships, I’d always, always get jealous of ex’s. I’d compare myself and reason that I wasn’t good enough. I’d become obsessed by it.
Somehow I managed to meet this amazing lad 7 years ago that didn’t have any ex’s, wasn’t immature (he’s 8 years younger than me 🙈) and was able to put up with me and still stands by me.

There are people out there, you just have to meet the right one. I think I was very lucky and somehow knew he was the one as I’d refused to have children in any other relationship and even my previous marriage I didn’t want children so I knew this time was different when he refused to be pushed away.

One major difficulty we have had though is that I don’t have friends where I live. I’d moved here 9 months before we got together for a job, was made redundant after 6 months then started the job in which I met my husband. I didn’t really go out and socialise as such and when we got together I made a couple friends, unfortunately one of whom passed away, but after I had children I became totally isolated. I’m now stuck where I don’t know how to make friends and even talking to other mothers at my daughters school is hard. This makes for a very isolated life and causes a lot of difficulty, however, we are working on this together.

I also had started working on myself before we had gotten together. I made a point of being friends with him to start with and took over a month to sleep with him (as slutty as it sounds I used to jump straight into bed with someone). I feel this was a good move on my part in slowing things down and making sure I was feeling things correctly if that makes sense.

I don’t think having bpd means relationships are doomed, especially if your working on yourself as well. It is very difficult depending upon your own triggers but if you can recognise what those are perhaps start working on them first.

Sorry for the long reply!!
 
Urban Hermit

Urban Hermit

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 18, 2019
Messages
2,081
#3
... in my relationship, I have (possible, still to be diagnosed) bipolar and she has BPD ... It's early days 3 months, but I know it's going to last and be a lifelong commitment because we talk, I mean really talk hours and hours, about all topics you can imagine. Communication is the key , we can be open and honest about our problems and therefore show eachother the support, respect and understanding needed X x