I
inzie
Well-known member
Founding Member
Hi, this is the first time I've posted anything about my mental health - yikes, where to start?
I'm a senior social worker in Scotland - very likely to be "I was a senior social worker in Scotland" soon.
I've had a number of lengthy periods off work over my 15 years of social workering - diagnosed (wrongly as it turns out) with depression. In recent times I really pushed the professionals around me to get that Holy Grail of an official diagnosis.
My background is in psychology and social work so I went hotfoot to try for that self-diagnosis stuff.
When I was 12 my mum died of cancer - If you're willing to share a secret, I was the favourite. This all went a bit belly up as I watched her die at home. After her death my dad pursued his favourite hobby (alcoholism) and things took a bit of a turn for the worse. I became the smelly kid at school and went from being one of the high fliers to er, one of the low diggers (Desperately seeking an opposite there) - I lived with my brother who was a year older and we kind of made the best of it. I went to my sister (16 years my senior) for help - she lived away from home and had a family of her own - She told me Dad had been sexually abusing her since she was 8 and - proceeded to sexually abuse me.
I did my degree in psychology then went into social work so that I could be there for other people - because no-one had been there for me. On reflection this may not have been the most sensible reason to go into social work.
my symptoms include depression, dissociation, suicidal images (very violent and vivid - around 100-150 per day - Give me a break, I've been off work for 8 months - counting my thoughts gave me something to do.) - I have been violent (up until my early 20's) and wrecklessly promiscuous - pretty much gave that up in the late 90's though - I have great difficulty controlling my emotions and tend to zone out frequently. I have been admitted to hospital for 'depression' and I have swallowed every anti-depressant medication known to man and woman since the early 90's. I have self harmed in a way that folk don't notice - I had some feeling it might have some impact on my colleagues at work. I have a bit of a habit of being a little frivolous and inappropriately er inappropriate about my condition.
Anyway - lots of input from a psychiatrist later - I went for the self diagnosis thing - she found it strange that I could describe horrible things going on for me back in my childhood and now with a smile on my face, actually making her laugh in places. She told me I was incongruous and told me to go away and have a think about it (!)
I decided I must have ptsd with dissociative disorder with a little flavour of DID ....
She decided that I have borderline personality disorder. She's right. Bugger.
She and my GP are a bit at loggerheads - he wants to fill me with venlafaxine (225mg) and carbamazapine (He felt I had bipolar disorder) - she wants me to take nothing. She feels mindfulness and psychotherapy are the way ahead for me. Psychotherapy starts around October.
One of my big problems has been an inability to talk about myself....er...
Thanks for taking the time to read this - I stalked around reading a variety of posts before I took the plunge - but this feels like a good community to immerse myself in.
If folk need support/ advice regarding community care social work, particularly in Scotland (Although the act covers England and Wales also) please feel free to fire any questions my way (I've worked with all community care groups - so you can take a wander away from mental health if you feel the urge)
Right, that's it, I've definitely finished now - oh, except that I've started clutching ice-cubes instead of self harming - it works for me.
Cheers
Chris
I'm a senior social worker in Scotland - very likely to be "I was a senior social worker in Scotland" soon.
I've had a number of lengthy periods off work over my 15 years of social workering - diagnosed (wrongly as it turns out) with depression. In recent times I really pushed the professionals around me to get that Holy Grail of an official diagnosis.
My background is in psychology and social work so I went hotfoot to try for that self-diagnosis stuff.
When I was 12 my mum died of cancer - If you're willing to share a secret, I was the favourite. This all went a bit belly up as I watched her die at home. After her death my dad pursued his favourite hobby (alcoholism) and things took a bit of a turn for the worse. I became the smelly kid at school and went from being one of the high fliers to er, one of the low diggers (Desperately seeking an opposite there) - I lived with my brother who was a year older and we kind of made the best of it. I went to my sister (16 years my senior) for help - she lived away from home and had a family of her own - She told me Dad had been sexually abusing her since she was 8 and - proceeded to sexually abuse me.
I did my degree in psychology then went into social work so that I could be there for other people - because no-one had been there for me. On reflection this may not have been the most sensible reason to go into social work.
my symptoms include depression, dissociation, suicidal images (very violent and vivid - around 100-150 per day - Give me a break, I've been off work for 8 months - counting my thoughts gave me something to do.) - I have been violent (up until my early 20's) and wrecklessly promiscuous - pretty much gave that up in the late 90's though - I have great difficulty controlling my emotions and tend to zone out frequently. I have been admitted to hospital for 'depression' and I have swallowed every anti-depressant medication known to man and woman since the early 90's. I have self harmed in a way that folk don't notice - I had some feeling it might have some impact on my colleagues at work. I have a bit of a habit of being a little frivolous and inappropriately er inappropriate about my condition.
Anyway - lots of input from a psychiatrist later - I went for the self diagnosis thing - she found it strange that I could describe horrible things going on for me back in my childhood and now with a smile on my face, actually making her laugh in places. She told me I was incongruous and told me to go away and have a think about it (!)
I decided I must have ptsd with dissociative disorder with a little flavour of DID ....
She decided that I have borderline personality disorder. She's right. Bugger.
She and my GP are a bit at loggerheads - he wants to fill me with venlafaxine (225mg) and carbamazapine (He felt I had bipolar disorder) - she wants me to take nothing. She feels mindfulness and psychotherapy are the way ahead for me. Psychotherapy starts around October.
One of my big problems has been an inability to talk about myself....er...
Thanks for taking the time to read this - I stalked around reading a variety of posts before I took the plunge - but this feels like a good community to immerse myself in.
If folk need support/ advice regarding community care social work, particularly in Scotland (Although the act covers England and Wales also) please feel free to fire any questions my way (I've worked with all community care groups - so you can take a wander away from mental health if you feel the urge)
Right, that's it, I've definitely finished now - oh, except that I've started clutching ice-cubes instead of self harming - it works for me.
Cheers
Chris
. The nearest I've ever come to dissasociation was after an ECT session when I completely blanked out and needed an A-Z of the ward I was on to find my way around! 
inzie. As Dollit says don't worry about the me, me, me thing! That's how most of us start and everyone should feel free to use the Forum like that; it is one of its main purposes. Having said which the experience, knowledge and insight you can bring from 'the other side of the fence' 
could be a great boon if you feel able to share them with people later on.
