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Future

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absolvohyades

New member
Joined
Nov 5, 2016
Messages
1
Grammar is not my thing, i'm from elsewhere 21/M

Well I knew that my life is going to be horrible since seven years old, my father was alcoholic, constant fear in home, constant emotional bashing definitely didn't help me to man up, it made me worse, it made me not who I should be, tho i'm not blaming my father, he has his share of demons too.

I am not able to express my feelings in anyway apart from anger and jealousy.You wanna know what the funniest thing is, I dropped out of high-school, never finished it, just couldn't cope up with other people.I was bullied, you know that feeling when someone just pushes you over and over trying to break your ego and you are about to explode ? I smashed that guy's face into a brick wall and strangled him - scared the shit out of him, he ran away, I got my point across, it made me at ease to finally get on with my life and try harder, but I just couldn't do it, shit I was even bullied by teachers, subtle just the way they do, to motivate people, well that didn't help, it pushed me into a hole, everyday was a struggle and it still is.Tried to end it all four times now, i'm having some fucked up dreams too, so I just sit here in front of this screen to rot.

Lost interest in my hobbies : My guitar, the thrill of racing,technology and computers , everything I was enjoying that made me feel something - shut down and put away.When I look back over my life, I just laugh, it's all a big joke, that I don't understand.

I'm not looking for help, no one can help you if you don't want it, and I don't see the point of it, what am I going to do ?

The only thing that keeps me alive is my pen and sticky notes, shit I have to do for the day, and whenever ink runs out I will be out too.

Peace
 
D

Daypass

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 6, 2016
Messages
363
When I look back over my life, I just laugh, it's all a big joke, that I don't understand

Whether it is or it is not, why not help other people and animals live better lives. You may not care what happens to you or think it doesn't matter, that's your choice, but i am sure anyone you help may feel differently. Life just isn't only about you and it's much harder if you think it is.
 
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