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Funny HOCD Story



Well-known member
Jan 15, 2019
A post here reminded me of the lengths I have gone to both to satisfy my OCD and to challenge it.

So at one time, years ago, I had HOCD. I got convinced I wasn't happy in my heterosexual relationship because I was actually a homosexual. Fortunately It didn't bother me too terribly because I didn't grow up in a community where homosexuality was taboo per se, but my fears had gotten the best of me.

But one day I decided to test myself.

My partner and I had a HYSTERICALLY funny gay friend and he was always super nice to me. He would invite us to do things with him, apart and together, and then I noticed he would invite me individually a lot. I'm a man, so I recognize what a man is after, gay or straight.

One day my partner joked that I should actually accept his invitation for dinner at his apartment, so I did. She thought nothing of it, but she didn't know that I had decided to go on a proper date with this guy. I wasn't bold, but I put energy into it. I tried to be extra charming, a good listener, and I drank plenty of wine.

Then he wanted to watch his favorite movie on the couch: "Moulan". I should explain - although in a way I just did - that he was a gay Asian guy. This was important to me, because he was a lot smaller than me. I would not have risked this venture with a huge bodybuilder of a fellow. I had another glass of wine, and sat down on the couch. Actually, I took the whole bottle over.

Finally came the moment of truth: the kiss. I had told myself that I would go this far if it came up. In a way, it was classic CBT therapy - confront the thing you're afraid of. I did it. I soon realized that the thing I was "afraid" of was just a sweet, small asian man who was exactly the funny, generous host he had always been. Kissing him was a little odd and somewhat unfamiliar, but not unpleasant in any way. It made me laugh, actually.

Now when he came back in the room having changed into something "more comfortable" I knew I had a problem, which will be very familiar to women reading this. It took me about 20 minutes, but I eventually talked my way out of the door without offending him and we parted on good terms.


Gone, never to return.

Thereafter I have been completely comfortable around gay people.

I remember him fondly because he helped me learn a lot both about gay people and myself.