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frustrated

jax

jax

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2008
Messages
868
Location
Belfast, N.Ireland
I have been cycling very wildly for sometime now with lots of mixed moods. Its been so hard. In my worst depressive days, I can't even muster up the energy to make something to eat and often go the whole day without eating. The irritability is getting me into a lot of trouble with my friends. I fell out with one friend last week and almost fell out with another. Definitely not me at all to fall out with friends. I feel anxious a lot of the time. I feel so much anger. I feel better today than I have felt - but don't know when the next swing will take place. When I am depressed - I feel like I can't take anymore. I feel life is not worth living. I dream of an escape.
I saw my Pdoc today and he said he can't understand why I can't get stable. It was a waste of time seeing him. He out my seroquel from 800 to 900 mg. I asked if he would give me something for sleep as I am not getting over until 3 or later. He told me that the increase in the seroquel should do that?? Whaa? I think the fact that I take 800 mgs at bed and don't sleep = that an extra 100 won't do much good. I feel like he didn't listen to me. I feel let down by the whole system. I had Dr C would see me daily sometimes and Martina too - now I have a useless Pdoc who can't even spend 5 minutes with me once every 6-8 weeks.
I'm really hating Bipolar. I want rid of the irritability, depressions and mixed moods.
I used to be a bad self harmer for many years. I stopped for two years - then last summer I started up again when I developed the irritable side of bipolar. I stopped again for a lock of months - two nights ago and three weeks ago - I self harmed again. I just couldn't face hospital to get stitches - so the three week old one is healing - the new one will take time. I didn't tell my Pdoc this today as I felt it was pointless. So frustrated.
 
L

Lil

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 6, 2009
Messages
114
Sorry to hear you're going though such a hard time. Is there any different doctors around you that you can visit, and get a second opinion? The difference a good doctor can make is amazing. I moved recently and nearby found a doctor who really listens to me, talks me through a few options and asks my opinion on what she's prescribing me before she writes out the prescription, gave me a lot of information, and seemed really honest. Same goes for psychologists. My first experience with one was bad, he was a moron just quoting out of text books with no interest in the background to the actual problem. That put me off cbt for over a year before i decided to try and get help again. Then trying to get into a psychologist was really difficult, but I ended up finding a really good one.

I know you are feeling frustrated but hang in there! I know its hard to try and go through the hassle involved in chasing up better help, especially when you're feeling such lack of motivation and so much frustration but it will be worth it!
 
BORTU

BORTU

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 4, 2010
Messages
1,449
Location
SW England
Hi jax,

Sorry to har of your troubles, but I agree with Lil, try a different doctor. Some of these characters who practice as carers are not very good. I went through 3 before I found one who took me seriously.

Best of luck.
 
M

Mercer

Active member
Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
40
Location
Scotland
Hey jax, think we're in a similar place just now. I'm cycling, been hypo for a while, but swings of deep lows. My aggression is out of hand. i've lost my remaining family, friends, i'm drinking too much. Broke my hand on tuesaday and had surgery yesterday. Been self-harming again for months, same, bad one on my chest, couldn't face a&e, fuck it, i'm torn to ribbons anyway. Got a doc who seems ok, not been seeing her long though. Been in touch with cpn's out of hours again when the lows hit, feel like getting that hack-saw and doing my femoral artery.

You're not alone pal, it will calm down and get managable again, you know that. we've just gotta ride the storm.

Take care pal.

Peace.
 
jax

jax

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2008
Messages
868
Location
Belfast, N.Ireland
Thanks for your replies. I am not sure how to go about getting a second opinion. I think I will ring the day hospital on Monday. My Pdoc will give me all of 2-5 minutes. How on earth can he get an idea of how I am doing in that short amount of time? Mercer - I am so sorry that you are struggling so badly. I self harmed one day this week. I too couldn't face a&e - the questions - why did you do it. How do you feel etc. It is looking infected now. I'll just try and keep it clean. I have been riding the storm since 2005. I haven't had more than a few weeks of stability in al that time. I was basically manic for 4 years. I know that is hard to believe - but it is the truth. I was seeing my Pdoc then (Different one) every week and my nurse daily. I am tired of this illness. I Hear of bipolar folk who are stable for years - I crave that.
 
S

suki1066

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Messages
105
sorry your having a crap time jax, i hope things improve soon, i know by your posts its been a tough ride this year xxx
 
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