Frustrated with my diagnosis

[Darknesssdaughter]

I'm diagnosed with personality disorder, but my doctor is not sure yet about the diagnosis.
I read about all personality disorders and in none of them is this mood swing that I experience. My doctor thinks that it's emotional lability I guess, but it's way more than that. I change from being depressed and suicidal, anxious to felling euphoric and a lot of energy then to not feel nothing and no energy.
What personality disorder has this mood swings,? from what I know none

 

[Confusedandanxious]

Borderline personality disorder is known for being like a rollercoaster of emotions. You can swing from one extreme to another in a short space of time.

 

[Darknesssdaughter]

Thanks

Yes, I think borderline describes me well. I read that some doctors choose not to tell the borderline patients that they have it because they consider the disorder incurable. Also heard that it's the most researched from all personality disorders so if true, than must be ways of treatment available.

 

[Darknesssdaughter]

But I was wondering if I have bipolar, because they don't mention nothing about euphoria in bordeline

 

[Confusedandanxious]

I thought I had bipolar because I would often go hypo manic, especially when put on anti depressants. I still question it, but they said it was borderline.
There are treatments out there, mostly therapy. DBT therapy is the best for BPD.
The other things like depressions and anxiety can be treat with medications, if needed.

A lot of doctors are changing the terminology to emotionally unstable personality disorder, but it's the same thing. I think they're trying to get away from the stigma that is attached to BPD, because its portrayed as this evil disorder when I think that side of it is actually quite rare. Though dont quote me on that!
I'm more "quiet borderline" and the majority of others I see online seem more quiet than the classic borderline you hear about.

I also dont think it's common for doctors to refuse to tell their patients if they suspect that diagnosis.

 

[Darknesssdaughter]

Aha. I heard about the quit borderline. Is something like you turn all your negative emotions inward, against yourself.

There is also a symilar condition TO BPD called "vulnerable narcissism" that is sometimes misdiagnosed as BPD. I hope I'm not a narcissist.

Antidepressants have the same effect on me, but I also take mood stabiliser, I can't live without them.

I guess the disorder is not evil, depends of the person and if they have comorbid psychopathy or narcissism and even trauma. And it s, of course, more complex than what I think.

 

[Darknesssdaughter]

I really belive I also have mania. Just need to move continously, yesterday I cleaned my house all day obsesivly so I must be really tired. Than I was depressed at night and wake up full of energy and happy (not euphoric this time, just normal state of happiness) . So I'm doing psyzical exercises at home.

 

[Darknesssdaughter]

Really, was that me?
How did I got in this state of mind in just 2 years I don't know.
I felt nothing half day, nothing is much to say.
Than I got anxious, got triggered by something i read and cried because this society is full of s. And I can't tolerate it anymore.
Thoughts of revenge, feeling like I'm some else.
And finnaly I can't stand this emotions so intense and mixed that I don't even know what I'm feeling, loneliness, regret, loss, grief, sadness. I can't sleep because of my emotions.

Am I the only one so crazy here? I guess I am.

 

[Darknesssdaughter]

Mood stabiliser is not working.
I feel high, than low than high

 

[Darknesssdaughter]

Taking care of myself is hard. Cooking a meal is hard cleaning showering is hard. Sometimes I can not do 5he dishes, is to gard. My head falls down, my body drops like dead I lost my stenght. Need to drink 3,4 coffees in the morning and than again at least 2 to be able to cook a meal and clean.
And the doctor is sending me to work every time I see her. I'm so angry now, I am going to change her. But I don't want to, I'm afraid to go to another doctor.

 

[Confusedandanxious]

Is there an occupational therapist your work could send you to?
That way you dont need to change doctors, but are able to get a second opinion as well.

 

[Darknesssdaughter]

I'm stressed and angry as hell.
I don't know what is going to haapend with me if I continue living like this.
Need to reduce stress, need to rest, to kick out people from my life and to change city or country (here I had traumas so I can't stop stressing)
I think if I do this I will get a bit better

 

[Darknesssdaughter]

Is there an occupational therapist your work could send you to?
That way you dont need to change doctors, but are able to get a second opinion as well.

No, unfortunately it is not. Just psychotherapist. I have to go soon but I don't think it will help me. I will try anyway.

 

[Confusedandanxious]

I'm stressed and angry as hell.
I don't know what is going to haapend with me if I continue living like this.
Need to reduce stress, need to rest, to kick out people from my life and to change city or country (here I had traumas so I can't stop stressing)
I think if I do this I will get a bit better

I hope you can do those things to help you. In the meantime grab yourself a cup of hot chocolate, put your feet up and focus on resting and resting only. If your thoughts try going elsewhere, remind yourself it's time for rest and reign your thoughts back in.

I found the doctors I got through work were more helpful than the ones I was seeing outside of work. I hope this is the case for you too!

 

[Darknesssdaughter]

Feeling beeter already, thanks.

What do you mean by doctors you got through work?