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Frustrated Supplement Warrior

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gmBlindfire

New member
Joined
Jun 8, 2018
Messages
2
My name is Brett. I've never done this before, but I am constantly misguided by the advice of myself and my family. My father never dealt with mental illness and lost his marriage because he didn't understand it(Pray and tough it out.) My mother's depression seemingly subsided when she stopped drinking alcohol, but I've never done illegal drugs or had an alcohol addiction. They took me to a psychiatrist when I was 16 and I was diagnosed rapid cycling bipolar. I honestly don't even know if they got the diagnoses right. All I know is that I've been unwell as long as I can remember. I gain pleasure from nothing except caffeine and video games. I even gave both of them up for a few months to find that the pain only adds up when I don't actively escape it.

For my Post's namesake, I have taken hundreds of supplements. I always read on their benefits or self diagnose a gene mutation or something crazy and supplement as if I had it. Right now I'm taking a small box full of different supplements. Like amino acids, electrolytes, vitamins D, rhodalia, methylation supps, and so on. The reason I first turned to supplements is because I was put on a myriad of different medications between 16 and 18 years old and none of them helped. The one I remember most is seroquel which not only didn't work, but all I did was sleep and when I was awake I developed severe postural hypertension which I still have to this day. I have mini blackouts and shake aggressively for a few moments which has almost hurt me a bunch of times because I can't always catch myself. After that one, I never took medication again because I'm terrified of ruining what I have.

On that note, I'm legally blind. I can't drive and people are unreliable. I feel trapped all the time and if I'm going to be trapped, I'd rather be trapped with current me than whatever version medication might create.

On to religion. I have no quarrels with the religious and I'm not even sure I can talk about this but it's very important if I'm ever going to escape my head. I grew up Christian and I really believed. I prayed every day and I was happy, as I grew into my teens, my symptoms developed and I prayed for strength to make it through. I thought it was a trial, some test of my faith and also that it might just be puberty. It didn't get better after I became an adult and my faith diminished completely. I still believed in God, so I studied other religions and fell into spirituality. The damage that group and website did to me is so immense that I won't describe it. Not because its vulgar or violent, but because I don't want to expose anyone else to it. I stopped following them, but some things I read stuck with me and make me wish I could just end it all and forget.

All anything seems to teach me is that if it's supposed to help, it'll hurt me.

I'm at the end of that road now, I'm still carrying baggage from it, but it lead me here, crying with a box of supplements. I have no clue what to do.
 
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IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

Guest
:welcome: to the forum. Sorry you feel so bad. Medication really doesn't help me either. We may be treatment resistant or something. Or we just need to find the right ones. Sorry if this isn't a totally helpful post. I am tired as I write this. I take a bunch of supplements too. I'm here to support you mate. :hug:
 
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gmBlindfire

New member
Joined
Jun 8, 2018
Messages
2
My doctors tried a lot of stuff and whenever something worked I grew a tolerance until side effects showed up. I don't know, I guess I'd rather deal with the pain I'm familiar with. I'm sorry you deal with it too. If I could choose only one symptom to remedy, I just wish I could care about something. I get excited about something, I spend a bunch of money and soon later, whatever I committed to or thought was exciting just ends up in the trash. I tell myself I was delusional when I was excited, but maybe the defeat later on is the delusion. "I can't do this, what's the point. " Every time.
 
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hongli

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 26, 2018
Messages
170
Location
Vancouver
Welcome to the forum, it is always nice to hear people's stories. I support you as well Brett :)

Thank you for sharing your story, and your story shows that medications may not be the solution. Mental illness is multi-faceted and thus needs to be tackled from multiple aspects. I and the rest of forum are here for you and for presence, to cover the companionship aspect :)

Also it sounds like you have gone through some spiritual trauma too...I have had a similar experience, where I thought I was going througj trials (and still am) and looking for that blessing that nevers seems to come...but I do believe that it will come, and I want to believe that He is looking out for me. It gets fucking tough at times to believe, and I hope that in the midst of your troubles, you can find some peace :)
 
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